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There is a woman on the train with me...

(83 Posts)
NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 16:51:47

Who is literally reading her book aloud.

She started mouthing, then very quietly, almost breathing the words and now she's whispering quite loudly.

She's sitting opposite me and wearing noise cancelling headphones.

It's quite annoying, but also I sometimes find myself accidentally reading aloud and would be mortified if it was me.

Her book is quite racy.

AIBU to somehow let her know??

Salmotrutta Thu 13-Apr-17 16:55:09

Oh dear grin

Perhaps you should quietly let her know!

It'll be that headphone situation where you don't realise you are making a noise.


Rainydayspending Thu 13-Apr-17 16:56:08

Make eye contact at a racy bit and waggle your eyebrows.

SilverDragonfly1 Thu 13-Apr-17 16:56:15

make 'sex having' gestures at her, like the one where you put your finger through a circle made by the fingers of your other hand.

Hold up a note saying 'Wow, spicy stuff!'

Reow Thu 13-Apr-17 16:56:39

Move to the seat behind her and kick her seat like a toddler. Give her a big grin if she turns to look at you grin

starsinyourpies Thu 13-Apr-17 16:56:44

Spicy stuff grin

Heirhelp Thu 13-Apr-17 16:57:33

I once sat opposite some one who was tearing pages out of the back of the books she was reading and eating them.

Salmotrutta Thu 13-Apr-17 16:57:34

Or you could hold your finger up to your lips to indicate "Ssh"?

Winniethepooer Thu 13-Apr-17 16:57:42

gringringrin Silverdragonfly1

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 13-Apr-17 16:58:03

God, she's not talking about her inner goddess doing the merengue with some salsa moves thrown in?

RedGrapeCornSnake Thu 13-Apr-17 16:58:37

Really obviously take a photo of the book
When she asks what the fuck you're doing, tell her the bits she's read out so far have made you want to read the rest!

NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 17:00:28

She's still doing it!! I think I'm going to google some of the lines and see if I can figure out what it is.

Bloody kindles, hindering stalkerish behaviour.

I have tried to make <meaningful> eye contact but she's engrossed.

It's one of those cross country shuttle commuter trains so we have some time until the next stop...

qazxc Thu 13-Apr-17 17:01:51

It's not the latest jilly cooper is it? If it is prepare yourself for sex scenes where the male protagonist thinks that saying "buttercunt" to a woman is highly erotic. hmm

Revenant Thu 13-Apr-17 17:03:00

I work with someone like this who reads out every single email she gets in a loud whisper. And the answers as she types too. I will check on her taste in literature next week ...

NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 17:03:20

OMG silver I love it. Maybe I could do an illustration and show her it.

Breakfast I snorted at that. Unfortunately the man next to me, who has clearly noticed the reading too, noticed said snort and gave me a look. I think he thinks I'm laughing at the naughty bits of the novel.

Viviene Thu 13-Apr-17 17:04:47

We must know what book it is. Give us some lines!

Maudlinmaud Thu 13-Apr-17 17:06:14

Oh god op, this has brought back a hideous memory blush I was on a bus, when I realised I was having the conversation going on inside my head ALOUD!
Please tell her!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Thu 13-Apr-17 17:09:37

Stuff the book.
Check out which brand of headphones she's wearing.
They're obviously very /too effective

NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 17:14:27

OK there's someone called Nora, I think she's the main character.

Seriously she's still going. It's been fifteen minutes!! There was a bit of silence when her phone buzzed but then she started again, v quietly and gradually louder.

I think I have to say/do something, the train isn't packed but isn't empty either

TheNaze73 Thu 13-Apr-17 17:14:37

A gentle "could you shut the fuck up" would be appropriate

NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 17:18:08

I feigned a coughing fit. She didn't notice and is still going.

NotAlice Thu 13-Apr-17 17:21:00

I need to know what book this is. The protagonist appears to be shagging both zack and "sofa"!? (I must have misheard. Speak up, train lady!)

HappyFlappy Thu 13-Apr-17 17:21:52


grin grin grin

AlpacaPicnic Thu 13-Apr-17 17:22:22

Gather everyone on the train to sit and look at her like at toddler storytime. She might not notice one person, she'll probably notice 20 or so eager faces...

Nonibaloni Thu 13-Apr-17 17:22:43

When dm is thinking through a conversation she speaks both parts, including the changes etc. Can be useful when she's planning on giving me grief about something - I even find out what not to say.

She has no idea she's doing it and does worry that she'll get locked up if the wrong person hears her

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