To send DD1 to nursery?

[toomuchtimereadingthreads2016]

DD2 is due last days of June. I will obvs be on mat leave. Daddy has a month off. DD1 (3 in July) has nursery until the end of July. I have no idea what is better to do! Advice please experienced mums! I can see the argument for not interrupting her routine, she really does love going to nursery especially in summer because they do lots of water based and outdoor activities. At the same time I don't want her to feel pushed out and like baby is allowed to stay home with mummy and she is sent away? I have never been at home before while she is at nursery, she knows I get in the car and go to work after dropping her off so don't really know how she would feel about that! Nursery is 20 steps from our house so would be no issue collecting her earlier if that were the compromise? Help!

[ImYourWomanJonSnow]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I'm in a similar position (DS 2 due in four weeks) and I'm planning to keep DS1 at nursery. He goes to nursery 15 hours a week and he spends a couple of days with DGs, we are planning on keeping the arrangement unless he seems particularly unhappy. I will also make sure to have one on one time with him too as much as possible. Talking to other parents who recently had the second they all say it's tough having them both at the same time especially in the first few months.

[StripyHorse]

How many days is she in nursery? Is this school based or private childcare?

If school based.... it might help her settle ready for when she goes back. If private, could you compromise and send her fewer days or reduced hours?

I sent 3yo DD to nursery 2 days per week throughout my mat leave - I think it did us good to have some time apart. I loved our long dawdling walks to and from nursery. It was a lovely contrast to the mad dash nursery routine when I was working.

Obviously if she really doesn't want to go then don't force her - but at this age, although she knows mummy works she might not realise nursery is linked to childcare- it is just a fun place for her to see her friends.

[toomuchtimereadingthreads2016]

Thanks for recommendations! We live abroad and its a municipal nursery, which feeds into the municipal village school she will be going to in september. Am planning on sending her at some point during the last month for sure, was mainly the first few days I am the most uncertain about! The nursery splits the day in two: 9-12:30 then lunch and a nap til 3. Lunch either has to be paid for per day (its expensive! But v good food to be fair) or go home for lunch and bring them back rested at 3 til 5. DD normally goes and stays for lunch (I work an hours drive away) and then gets collected at 4 when she has woken up and had a snack.

Could a compromise be to send her til lunchtime, then collect and not take her back in the afts so best of both worlds? The way it stands atm I am more worried about her feeling pushed out than she is!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Just send her in as normal and stick with her routine. DS1 carried on going to nursery full time when DS2 was born. He never gave the impression that he felt pushed out at all. He had way more fun there than he would have stuck at home with me, wiling his little brother to nap and crying from exhaustion. Managing a baby and a toddler single-handed is fucking grim - don't do it if you don't have to.

[MGFM]

It isn't from to have a toddler and baby at home. We couldn't afford nursery whilst on mat leave so he had to come out. He was 17 months. He is now 2 and we have had a wonderful 7 months spending extra time together that we wouldn't have got otherwise. It can be full on and exhausting but worth it.

[Liskee]

Send her to nursery! Keep the routine, give yourself some one on one time with new baby (congratulations!) and enjoy the time you do spend with her all the more when she's home. Did it with DS1 when DS2 was born and everyone won!

[MGFM]

• grim

[Kittykatmacbill]

Congratulations!
Definitely keep her routines going. You will not be able to do as much with her and you will need time to focus on new baby.
As far as not feeling pushed out, I think it is really helpful to change routines know rather than when baby arrives. So for example if you do bedtime now, but you won't be able too (and you won't) get your dh to do it from now so the new arrival and the routine change aren't connected.

[luckylucky24]

Send her. DS benefited loads from going when DD comes along. He does shorter days now 9-3 (3 days) and it works really well. I have been able to give DD my full attention when he is there and not feel guilty that he isn't getting my attention.

[Winegumaddict]

I don't know what is best but I can tell you what I did. DD1 is 2 and DD2 is 4 months. I reduced her hours in childcare so I collect her at 2pm. She only goes 2 days per week but that time is invaluable. Having 2 at home is really hard so those hours let me catch up on jobs I can do the cleaning I'd rather not do with her around etc etc. I think sending until lunchtime would be a good compromise. I think DD1 has benefitted from staying in her routine plus we've kept her space as I'll need it when I go back to work.

[Sittinginthesun]

Keep her at nursery. DS1 was the same age when DS2 was born. He was at nursery in the mornings.

He had no idea that I wasn't going to work, and I actually managed to grab a few hours sleep when DS2 napped.

[BellyBean]

Definitely keep her in. You're likely to struggle with a newborn and keeping her entertained. If you just have the newborn you'll be able to sleep when you need to etc.

[pointythings]

We kept DD1 in. It really worked, it was something she didn't have to share with the new baby. Then when DD2 started nursery, DD1 was in a different section so she still got some special 'her' time. Go for it. Routine is really important and the added bonus is that your DD2 will get some 1:1 time in the same way DD1 did.

[Cinnamon2013]

A vote for nursery! Based on my own experience, entirely. First mat leave was jolly but second time around I found having a toddler and baby at home very difficult and ended up with PND. When I increased the elder child's nursery time everything - for everybody - got better. Being pulled in two very different directions 24 hours of the day I found pretty hard.

[farfallarocks]

If dd had not gone to nursery she would have watched c beebies and watched me breastfeed for the first few months! It's great to be able to have a nap so you are rested and less
Grumpy with them when they are home to be honest

[minipie]

Goodness keep her in if you can! It will be time when she gets activities tailored to her (rather than whatever you can manage whilst looking after a baby) and will mean things stay the same rather than everything changing at once for her.

Also means you can nap while she is there and will therefore be more patient and fun when she is around.

IMO she is more likely to feel pushed out if you have her at home but are constantly saying "wait a minute while I deal with the baby". That will be more of a culture shock to her than staying in the nursery she already knows and enjoys.

[grannytomine]

My brother was born the day after I started school at 4, my mother was in hospital for my first day at school and I remember it 59 years later. It made me very sad and I can vividly remember standing at the bus stop with my gran who was taking me to her house after school. Just as the bus came I saw the ambulance stop, can't imagine being brought home by ambulance after childbirth now but the 50s were a very different place. I slipped grans hand and ran for it. I ended up in bed with mum and baby relegated to his cot.

If it was me I would keep her home for a week or two, I think they settle down quickly but to close is hard. Maybe I need therapy?

[Heatherbell1978]

I'm on mat leave now with 6 week old and also have a 2.5 yr old. He's in nursery still for 3 days a week. Unless your toddler is very easy, won't mind you feeding all day and will happily toddle off for a nap alone and sleep for hours then trust me, you'll come to love those nursery days!

[ItchyKondera]

My DS turned 3 a month before DD was born and was in nursery full time, and we kept him there! TBH I don't think I could have coped mentally or physically (PND, and EMCS where they also cut my bladder) with the 2 at home.
He loved it though and I guess as he had been going since 9 months old he was used to it
He assumed I still went to work and took DD with me. He never twigged we came back home
I also felt it meant I could give DD the one on one attention her older brother got when he was a baby, do baby classes and so on

Keep nursery - you will be very grateful of them!

[Ciderandskatesdontmix]

I'm due on 1st July and I'll be keeping dc2 in nursery up until the end of term, even though I'll be starting mat leave at the beginning of June. I think it's good to keep their routine going. I did the same with dc1 and tbh I think she was glad to go to nursery to get away from the crying baby!!

[FreedomMummy]

I kept my DD in when DS was born. It gave me some valuable 1:1 time with DS and also gave me what felt like a break as the days DD was at home it was a lot harder work. DD was only in 2 days though so it gave a good balance.
If your DD is currently in every day maybe reduce this to 2-3 days or whatever you are happy with.

[Ecureuil]

I had DD2 when DD1 was 20 months and had no childcare at all for DD1 (or family around to give me any sort of break). It was really, really tough and wouldn't recommend it unless necessary. She had dropped her nap by that point so I didn't get a single minutes break.
I would keep her in but maybe reduce the hours a bit.

[QuizTeamaAguilera]

I'm on mat leave now (due in 2 weeks), DS (2.8) will be continuing his 3 days at nursery. He loves it, it's part of his little routine and it's a popular one so I don't want to lose his place. We're also moving house in the next couple of months, and I don't want to change his routine any more than it will be! He'll be with me 2 days a week and then we'll all be together weekends. I do sometimes feel guilty as I drive away if I'm having a 'day off', but he genuinely has a fantastic time there and has just become aware of the concept of friends and is so social and happy to be around other children.

[shesnotme]

Send her.

[apotheke]

Another vote here for sending her. It will be a godsend for you. Lovely for you and DC2 to get a little of that precious newborn time together and so much better for DC1 to be in a busy, stimulating environment that you cannot possibly provide with a newborn and then you can make a big effort to do stuff just for her when she gets home. Even if that's just cuddles and 1-1 story time.