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That my period came

(101 Posts)
24carrottop Wed 12-Apr-17 22:10:16

I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help being upset.

I have a DD who is almost 3. She was a surprise baby and very much loved.

Recently my DH and I decided to try for another child. We started trying a couple of weeks ago and I got my period today. I stupidly bought those ovulation tests and got myself stupidly excited that I might be pregnant. I feel rubbish that my period arrived today. I know a couple of friends who've suffered from secondary infertility and it weighs heavily on my mind all the time.

Because my daughter was a surprise I have no real way of knowing how long it takes me conceive if you know what I mean.

I know I'm being unreasonable because a) I already have a child and b) this is only the first
Month of trying but I never expected to feel such sadness this morning 😞

I suppose the question I'd like to ask you ladies (or men if you can answer for your wives) is how long did it take you to conceive your second child?

Elphame Wed 12-Apr-17 22:12:28

First child was a happy accident, second one took 2 months to conceive

iveburntthetoast Wed 12-Apr-17 22:14:20

flowers Hope you feel brighter in the morning.

In answer to your question. First month of trying for DD1. Nine months for DD2. It was a bit of a shock when we got to 3 or 4 months the second time around---I'd assumed it would be fairly quick, given what happened with DD1

I wonder whether it took longer due to being utterly exhausted thanks to DD1 not sleeping through for 3 years

NoSuchThingAsTooMuchCoffee Wed 12-Apr-17 22:14:44

Three years and still trying hmm

24carrottop Wed 12-Apr-17 22:16:22


Sorry to hear that 😞

MargaretCavendish Wed 12-Apr-17 22:17:12

I'm sure you don't mean badly but to moan about not getting pregnant the very first month you try for a second child after conceiving your first with no effort at all, and then to start talking about secondary infertility, is pretty 'my diamond shoes are too tight and not all my fifties fit in my wallet'.

Patriciathestripper1 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:17:45

I don't know if this will help as I don't know your age but I never used birth control ever and my 3 Dd were conceived with a two year gap between each of them but with my fourth Dd there was a 15 year gap!!

backtowork2015 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:18:46

9months for dc1, 2 weeks for dc2. I know it's disappointing when you've got your hopes up, but don't go worrying about infertility this early, best of luck for next month smile

TheWitTank Wed 12-Apr-17 22:19:11

Approx 10 months or so with my second. My first 4 months.

Mrsknackered Wed 12-Apr-17 22:20:03

Completely understandable that you felt like that. I hope it happens for you soon. There will be people that find this thread hits a raw nerve though flowers

NoSuchThingAsTooMuchCoffee Wed 12-Apr-17 22:21:10

Thank you 24. Best of luck.

ScarlettFreestone Wed 12-Apr-17 22:22:01

^^What Margaret said.

Vanillaradio Wed 12-Apr-17 22:22:17

You never know how long these things are going to take. I got pregnant first month trying with ds. Been trying 10 months for dc2 (so far) and no luck yet......

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 12-Apr-17 22:24:02

I think you're allowed to be sad about something even if other people cannot achieve what you've already got.

Anyway I conceived very quickly with my DD then recently got pregnant on first attempt for a second. We lost this baby and had a pretty shit mc.
We're now trying again and I am excited at the potential prospect but sad and worried about another mc.
flowers for you OP and fingers crossed for you.

CaffeineBomb Wed 12-Apr-17 22:25:48

Nothing to add as only just started ttc dc2 but watching with interest. P.S vanilla I love the username wink

24carrottop Wed 12-Apr-17 22:28:44


I think I made it quite clear that because I have a child and have only started trying that I feel unreasonable. Yet i still feel sad.

And having been there for one close friend in particular who really struggled with secondary infertility and rounds of clomid and eventually IVF, it's something that has stuck with me and, to be honest, has scared me a little.

MargaretCavendish Wed 12-Apr-17 22:29:39

I think you're allowed to be sad about something even if other people cannot achieve what you've already got.

I think that's a bit unfair. No one is suggesting that people with secondary infertility can't be sad. I (and a couple of other people) just think it's pretty insensitive to talk about how upsetting it is not to get pregnant on your very first try and to try and get a load of people to reassure you that you're probably wonderfully fertile

MargaretCavendish Wed 12-Apr-17 22:30:45

I just don't think this thread is a nice or kind idea. I did try and say that gently.

SecretNetter Wed 12-Apr-17 22:31:42

Two months for first pregnancy (ended in MC).
Two months for ds1.
14 months for dc2 (had a GP appointment booked for investigations when it happened).
Dc3 (currently cooking) happened despite using double contraception and also avoiding fertile period shock so no time at all and one hell of a shock

24carrottop Wed 12-Apr-17 22:31:45

I asked people for their experiences.

Is that not what online forums are for?

QueenofPentacles Wed 12-Apr-17 22:33:30

Just good luck lovely x

cbigs Wed 12-Apr-17 22:36:08

I understand op. Was about three months from starting to try for me. When you're wanting to be pregnant a month is a long time ( yes I know some try for a lot longer but for the op I understand stand ) 💐

Sunferra Wed 12-Apr-17 22:37:25

Every unwanted period feels like a bereavement, I know it's early days but you do deserve to grieve. Fingers crossed for you.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 12-Apr-17 22:37:37

It's ok to feel sad. I think a lot of people are going to struggle to support you in your anxiety. Dd is ivf. I never had a second.

MargaretCavendish Wed 12-Apr-17 22:38:51

Look, obviously I just shouldn't have commented and I won't do so again. I guarantee that I won't be the only person who finds this thread upsetting, though.

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