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My Divorced parents meet...too awkward?

(13 Posts)
creaser Wed 12-Apr-17 20:50:29

My mum left my dad 16 years ago and got together with his best mate and had a child. TBF he was a shit husband always preferred drinking with his friends to being a dad/husband and she should have left him long before that so no one blamed her was just a real shame it was his friend.
Fast forward 16 years and we have never had any family get togethers with them all present. Now it's my neices 16th birthday and my dad and his partner want to come to her birthday meal and say they aren't bothered about seeing my mum and her partner but for all of us it's going to be sooooo awkward for my mum too massively.
None of us really want it to happen but it does mean my dad never gets invited to any family things as my mum goes.
Is it time to get over it?????

Wells20 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:52:29

They are adults and can behave as adults.

Enjoy your time with family and let them get on with it.


ivykaty44 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:52:53

Time to move on

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Apr-17 20:57:25

I think it's always good to talk to them both and say that it's your niece's day and you would like them both to be there if they can suck it up. After 16 years, they should be able to. And practice makes perfect!

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Wed 12-Apr-17 20:58:07

If he isn't bothered about seeing your mum I think you all need to just get on with it. Probably will be awkward at first but invite him often enough and it will become normal.

creaser Wed 12-Apr-17 21:01:37

My dad and his partner aren't bothered it's my mum really and because since she left/cheated on him 6 months pregnant to his best mate and they've never seen each other since. It had become a thing. For us kids me my brother and sister whose daughters birthday it is it will kind of spoil it as we will be on edge. My dad can be so sarcastic and I wouldn't put it past him to make a joke that's not a joke about her leaving him. God it's pathetic really...

TheAntiBoop Wed 12-Apr-17 21:07:51

Get over it. Dh's parents had an extremely acrimonious divorce. They've been grown up enough to attend graduations, weddings and some birthday parties. They don't really talk to each other and they are not seated together but they just get on with it.

Life's too short and it must be very hurtful to your dad

TheAntiBoop Wed 12-Apr-17 21:09:14

I should say your parents should get over it.

Just make it clear to your dad before hand that he is there as a grandfather and you want zero mentions of his relationship with grandma

creaser Wed 12-Apr-17 21:14:16

Your all right of course it's just the length of time that has passed that makes it seem so huge and the fact my dad isn't the permanent figure in our lives that my mum is. We see her regularly every weekend go on holidays together etc. We see my dad on his/our birthdays and Xmas it just isn't the same relationship but I guess it doesn't mean he should be left out.

TheAntiBoop Wed 12-Apr-17 21:26:06

What happened at weddings?

My ils hadn't seen each other for over seven years the first time. Yes it's a bit awkward but dh wouldn't consider excluding one from his big life events

creaser Wed 12-Apr-17 21:32:57

None of us are married never really been any occasion where we couldn't do things separately. For example on my recent 40th we all went out with my dad for a meal the Sunday before and on my actual birthday me my DP and kids went out for a meal with my mum. When he and my mum first split he went off the rails a bit and for about 5 years never even sent his grandkids a card for their birthdays and we certainly didn't see him for them. But since he met his lovely partner 10 years ago he ( probably egged on significantly by her ) has made much more of an effort but we are just all close to my mum.

TheAntiBoop Wed 12-Apr-17 21:35:37

It's tough. But I think you should take the gamble.

Since having kids I think it's really important they see their grandparents getting on (well being civil at least!)

LovelyBaubles Wed 12-Apr-17 21:39:36

I went to a wedding once where a divorced couple hadnt seen each in 40 years. Everyone was really concerned that there'd be some sort of altercation. As it was they had a 15 minute chat with everyone watching and waiting for the fallout. Turns out they didn't recognise each and had no idea they were chatting to their exes.

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