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Letting a flaky friend go... AIBU?

(19 Posts)
Sunshine90 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:17:53

A friend was meant to come round for dinner on Saturday.. she didn't turn up and she then messaged me at about 11pm after she was meant to be round at 4. saying she had tried to call earlier in the day to come and I didn't answer.. no apology! she didn't call, as I get messages for missed calls when not in signal/no battery. And I didn't have any missed calls- so this was an outright lie and excuse.

She has always been a bit flaky, we have fallen out in the past.. plus I had messaged her earlier in the day and she ignored it and didn't reply, I could see she was online though (whatsapp) and even put up a pic of her out for the day in the sunshine! She obviously blew me out for a better offer. But considering that I had already bought food in, and was expecting her, I think this takes the p*ss. I nearly messaged her before I started cooking at half 5 and then DH said don't bother she obviously isn't...
she is now trying to talk to me like nothing has happened, I think partly because she is hoping I will still do her a favour with something she has on at the end of the month. I have yet to respond, and wonder if it's even worth it as I think she is a bit of a user and will lie anyway. I feel like I am too old for flaky friends and she has let me down before so I should just walk away. AIBU? What's the limit for times 'friends' can take the Mick?

jazzmin Wed 12-Apr-17 19:20:11

You already know the answer, sadly.

SuperPug Wed 12-Apr-17 19:21:13

That goes beyond flaky to be honest - she doesn't sound too bright (or perhaps doesn't care ) re: the photo. You went out of your way to buy food, so it's more than a meet up and she can't even offer you a good excuse.
"friends" like this can be exhausting and hurtful, I would leave it.

Wando1986 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:21:17

Ignore her. Utterly.

highinthesky Wed 12-Apr-17 19:21:43

I can understand you being cross, esp about being lied to and if the family was waiting to eat....but cooking extra food for one person really is no biggie.

YANBU to expect an apology, but everything in proportion.

Crazyvaperlady Wed 12-Apr-17 19:23:01

I wouldn't fall out with with, or ignore her. Utterly childish in my opinion, and you can never have too many friends, regardless of flakiness.
However, DO NOT do her any favours, contact her about plans etc. Just go with the flow where she's concerned but don't let her let you down again.

pictish Wed 12-Apr-17 19:23:09

Just no. She was extremely rude to you today. If there's form for it it's a no brainer. Cut her loose.

Sweets101 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:23:52

I'd cut my losses personally.

Greyponcho Wed 12-Apr-17 19:24:23

Hmm, depends if she has form for it tbh.
I have a good friend who went through a 'flakey' spell - turns out she's having major marital problems and was trying to sort those out as a priority.
Have you told her that you were disappointed that she dumped you at no short notice?

pictish Wed 12-Apr-17 19:30:27

Sorry, on Saturday rather.

Just fling this one out. Life is too short.

Sunshine90 Wed 12-Apr-17 19:30:55

Thank you for your responses. I haven't responded to her yet as was hoping she would see sense and apologise for being rude but she hasn't and if I reply it will end up being confrontational as I won't just let it lie and allow someone to take the Mick... it wasn't just dinner either we where going to go riding first too, which is why she was going to come over a bit early.

I think not caring is spot on, I think I am mostly offended by the fact that she must think I am really stupid to believe that she tried to call when she didn't, and the fact that she can't just say sorry

Boooooom Wed 12-Apr-17 19:34:29

She doesn't sound like much of a friend :/
It sounds harsh but I 'cut the cord' with two friends last year and it's a relief. Life is too short to run around after people who take the piss...

RainbowJack Wed 12-Apr-17 19:38:12

Don't ring or text. Just block her.

pictish Wed 12-Apr-17 19:38:24

I agree...the gaslighting in telling you she tried to call. You know she didn't, she knows she didn't...but she doesn't think you're brave enough to call her out.

"You didn't try to call me. I had no missed calls. You sacked me off for a better offer and couldn't be arsed to let me know. Why are you trying to convince me otherwise?"

RedDogsBeg Wed 12-Apr-17 19:39:16

I disagree with Crazyvaperlady a flaky friend isn't a friend and no-one needs someone in their life that is just a drain and only keeps in contact for what they get out of the relationship whilst not contributing anything worthwhile to it.

Furthermore who wants or needs a friend who lies?

Move on, you previously gave her a second chance and nothing has changed. Whether you just ignore her, block her number, etc., or tell her you place as much value on the friendship as she does (which is zero) is up to you - do what makes you feel better.

wobblywonderwoman Wed 12-Apr-17 19:39:56

I wouldn't bother with her again. The lying about calling and photo up having a good time without letting you know she couldn't make it.. Better friends to be had out there

Rainydayspending Wed 12-Apr-17 19:45:04

Just send her out to pasture. Have other plans if she's asking favours. Plan on seeing her only in groups where she's not the reason you're out.

Mysteriouscurle Wed 12-Apr-17 19:54:14

As very tempted as I would be to agree to the favour she wants and just not turn up then claim I tried to call her but she didnt answer I would probably just stop responding to any more calls. Although she deserves the first optiongrin

ChasedByBees Wed 12-Apr-17 19:59:11

I think if you're worried you're going to get into a confrontation if you ask her about the meet up, then just ignore her. Her explanation isn't going to be worth anything to you if you expect that she'll lie so just let her go by not resuming contact.

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