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To think I'm really messed up

(2 Posts)
lemondropcake Wed 12-Apr-17 18:28:41

I booked a gp appt for next month about heart palpations. They have been becoming more frequent and I nearly passed out once...I thought perhaps I had high blood pressure or maybe a slight heart problem....but
I have been so anxious this last week. I'm in a fairly new job after walking out of my last one due to severe bullying from my manager. The bullying has left me with terrible self esteem and I was depressed when I was in the job. When I left I felt happier but left with anxiety and I get very stressed out over minor issues.
Today at work I got pulled up over a fairly minor issue and management were nice about it. I came home worried sick, heart palpitations and crying. I know it isn't a big mistake but I get easily upset. I don't let this show at work, nobody would ever know but I'm not coping well at home.
I fear that I'm hopeless, not worthy, that I'm going to fail and end up jobless.
I have a big day at work tomorrow and i am worried I mess up. I put so much pressure on myself and end up frustrated when mistakes happen.
The bullying at my last place of work has affected me more than I could have imagined. I stayed there too long and was that badly stressed I didn't go down the grievance route because I couldn't face it.

I let people walk all over me, I can't say no to people and I keep my mouth shut if I don't agree with anything. I have lost all confidence in anything I do.
I don't know what to do. I don't want counselling because I can't stand the thought of been put on some waiting list for a year on end and all the gp can do is give me pills and tell me everything is fine.

I wish I could find a way to cope somehow, to get my confidence back and come out of this shell I'm hiding in.

picklemepopcorn Wed 12-Apr-17 18:50:19

That sounds really tough. Thing is about counselling, it may well not take a year to get seen. Also, you don't need to think about it while you are waiting, and it may help when it finally happens.

Definitely see your GP. May I ask how old you are? Hormonal imbalance can feel like this, too.

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