I booked a gp appt for next month about heart palpations. They have been becoming more frequent and I nearly passed out once...I thought perhaps I had high blood pressure or maybe a slight heart problem....but I have been so anxious this last week. I'm in a fairly new job after walking out of my last one due to severe bullying from my manager. The bullying has left me with terrible self esteem and I was depressed when I was in the job. When I left I felt happier but left with anxiety and I get very stressed out over minor issues. Today at work I got pulled up over a fairly minor issue and management were nice about it. I came home worried sick, heart palpitations and crying. I know it isn't a big mistake but I get easily upset. I don't let this show at work, nobody would ever know but I'm not coping well at home. I fear that I'm hopeless, not worthy, that I'm going to fail and end up jobless. I have a big day at work tomorrow and i am worried I mess up. I put so much pressure on myself and end up frustrated when mistakes happen. The bullying at my last place of work has affected me more than I could have imagined. I stayed there too long and was that badly stressed I didn't go down the grievance route because I couldn't face it.
I let people walk all over me, I can't say no to people and I keep my mouth shut if I don't agree with anything. I have lost all confidence in anything I do. I don't know what to do. I don't want counselling because I can't stand the thought of been put on some waiting list for a year on end and all the gp can do is give me pills and tell me everything is fine.
I wish I could find a way to cope somehow, to get my confidence back and come out of this shell I'm hiding in.