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If I'd like friends to ask how I am back

(8 Posts)
UrbanYokel Wed 12-Apr-17 16:32:23

Hi, yep as per the title.
If I ask a friend (specifically a pal, not some random) how are you, AIBU to feel a bit hurt if they consistently don't ask back?
I'm not a needy person, I'm not a doormat, I'm a good friend. I make a lot of effort with friendships and honestly I expect the same in return. I've lowered my expectations a lot, but at what point do you think someone's just not bothered? X

Count2three Wed 12-Apr-17 16:37:42

I have one friend in particular like this. She's quite a recent friend but we've become quite close, although she's going through some personal shit so I've cut her some slack. YANBU. I will begin to distance myself if, once said shit is over, she doesn't show a little interest in how I'm doing. It's rude and self-centred.

Count2three Wed 12-Apr-17 16:39:25

Also, it's not in my nature to tell people how I am, uninvited, I tend to just listen/comment on what they're saying about their lives.

Emphasise Wed 12-Apr-17 16:47:59

I find it's just a reflex. Someone asks how I am the reply is "fine thanks, how are you?".

The oy exception are people I really try not to ask (not friends) where there's to much risk they'll tell me with all the gory detail. Usually people with regular ailments or people who lead overly dramatic, self inflicted lives

UrbanYokel Wed 12-Apr-17 17:04:55

I know what you mean about friends with "personal issues", I'd be the same as you cut them some slack and wait and see what happens after! Yes it's kind of a reflex sometimes isn't it? Didn't think of it like that but seems obvious now you mention it!

LadyPW Wed 12-Apr-17 18:07:42

I always assumed it was a standard greeting like Hello. The sort of thing you say to anyone that you vaguely know. And the reply is supposed to be Fine Thanks and then you move on or talk about the weather or something equally unoffensive. If it's a proper friend and you're having a longer, proper conversation then fair enough they should ask after you / your life (in some form - either how are you, or what's been going on for you, or about a specific event in your life etc) but otherwise.....
(But I am autistic...)

LadyPW Wed 12-Apr-17 18:08:54

And the ones that talk too much about themselves it's easier to not ask, and better to hope they won't ask after you because you just want to get away and not leave them anything to start on about themselves again with!!

UrbanYokel Wed 12-Apr-17 18:18:21

@LadyPW that's how I understand it (I mean learnt it lol I am also on the spectrum).

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