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To not want her to be Godmother

(8 Posts)
changename7 Wed 12-Apr-17 15:41:20

Grew up with a girl who I've always called my best friend. Probably mainly because our mums were best friends and we were always around each other, but she is mostly a nice person.

She would always stick up for me and if I needed help, she would be there. I ended up living with her and her family for a few months when I was a teenager, after I had a falling out with my mum.

For the last couple of years, we've always still spoke, but we haven't been meeting up as much (every few months if that). She seems to have got into a different group of friends (which doesn't bother me, it happens) but I know she has started doing drugs and stuff on a weekend if she goes out.

I'm now pregnant with my first baby, who is due soon. She has started talking a bit more again now, and I met with her on the weekend.

I wouldn't ever stop her from coming over to visit when the baby is born but she has seemed to have got in her head that she's going to be Godmother (I haven't once said anything about a christening). I do actually want the baby christened when he's here, and I would like to invite her and her family along. I just feel awkward now as I don't really know how to say I don't want her to be the godmother (I know she looks after her baby brother a lot and does know how to do it all, but I wouldn't trust her 24/7 knowing what she does with her mates)

Any ideas on how to let her down gently? I know she would be upset about it but am stuck.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 12-Apr-17 16:15:32

I would be honest with her, say that you have some very religious friends/relatives in mind, or that your not going to get ds christened!

Questioningeverything Wed 12-Apr-17 16:20:05

I'd be honest. I'd say as much as I love you, I've chosen x to be godmother. I'd really like you at the ceremony.
If pressed I'd say to her, I'm anti drugs and while you're free to do what you like with your life, I'm afraid I just don't agree with it.

icy121 Wed 12-Apr-17 16:30:49

For an easy life you can tack her on as an extra godmother. It's pretty meaningless- you say you wouldn't trust her 24/7; I'm not sure god parents expect to take any responsibility for the child, let alone 24/7. In the event you die, you can make provision for your child in your wills. If you die without a will the kids go to close relatives anyway.!

The people I know who are godparents basically send a card/token present twice a year and continue their friendships with the parents as normal .... or not! If the parents grow apart the god parenting dies a death with it.

So pretty meaningless imo... if you want to avoid a row give her a GP title. That's all it will be in reality.

PyongyangKipperbang Wed 12-Apr-17 16:54:45

Godparents dont take any responsibility these days, its more an honour title so her lifestyle is of no consequence and chances are as she gets older and has kids of her own she will leave that stuff behind.

But equally that doesnt mean that you should have her as GM if you dont want to so I would go with telling her that you OH's family have a lovely old tradition where the father chooses the Godmothers and the mother chooses the Godfathers so you are doing that. wink You will need to get them on board with it though, just in case!

Floggingmolly Wed 12-Apr-17 16:55:29

Why can you not just put her straight? She's being quite presumptuous, unless it's something you've discussed previously? Unless you've misinterpreted something she's said, of course.
How did she give you to understand she expects to be Godmother?

PyongyangKipperbang Wed 12-Apr-17 16:55:52

Are you regular church attenders and planning on being after the birth? Because if not why are you having a christening? You could have a non religious naming ceremony with no "supporters" so no one gets left out.

Floggingmolly Wed 12-Apr-17 16:56:18

For some people, icy, Godparents are not particularly meaningless.

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