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AIBU?

To leave my 17 month old ...

26 replies

KayTee87 · 12/04/2017 14:01

Dh and I booked a weekend away in London a while ago for December as there's a concert we wanted to go to.
I said we should only go for one night but dh said it's too far to go for 1 night and we'd be in a rush so I reluctantly agreed to 2 nights. Our ds will be 17 months old by then, he's 8 months now and hasn't been away from us for more than a couple of hours so far.
I'm starting to wonder whether it really is ok to leave him for a full weekend? I might just worry that he wants me and not enjoy myself!!??
When did you first leave your dc for that length of time (if at all)? He will be with my mum one night & mil the second night probably.

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sonyaya · 12/04/2017 14:02

It will be fine - good for both of you in fact! Go and enjoy yourself.

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 12/04/2017 14:05

Of course it's ok, if you're happy with it then do it. Some people leave their children and some don't. I left my 2 year old for two nights recently and it was bliss just being an adult again for a little bit.

JacquelineChan · 12/04/2017 14:07

You should go ! Hopefully by that time he would have spent a bit more time away from you and in the company of both grandmas so he will be familiar with them.

Be ready for this - he will love it and not give you a second thought ! You will miss him more than he will miss you ( i mean that in good way)

when my DS was 9 months we had a weekend away and we skyped him ...totally ignored us in favour of gradma's cat walking across the room .

Have a great time .... and a lie in

Mrsknackered · 12/04/2017 14:07

I left my son at 8 months for 4 days for a work trip. He survived!

KayTee87 · 12/04/2017 14:09

jacqueline I do hope he wouldn't miss us. I can't stand the thought of him crying for me
He will be having an overnight at my mums when he's 11 months (but obviously sleeping most of the time) and I'm going back to work when he's 1 so we will both need to adjust to that obviously.

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redandwhite1 · 12/04/2017 14:12

You will regret it if you don't go!

I learnt very quickly they don't miss us at all!!

Enjoy!!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 12/04/2017 14:15

You'll have been back at work for 5 months by the time you go and this will make all the difference. He'll be used to whatever childcare you have in place and you'll be used to having whole days without him so a weekend away won't feel nearly as big a change as it does now when you're on mat leave and (I'm guessing) never apart from him.

Honestly, don't worry about it - by the time it comes around it will be fine.

KayTee87 · 12/04/2017 14:15

He also sees both granny's every week when we visit / they visit us and they will be doing a day each childcare for us when I go back to work so they defo won't be strangers.
I think the thing that's making me more worried is that my toddler nephew still cries for his mummy / daddy sometimes when I'm putting him to bed and he sees me all the time so I'm just imagining my ds doing the same.

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Heratnumber7 · 12/04/2017 14:15

He won't miss you nearly as much as you'll miss him. Go!!

IMO it's good to get children used to being with out you for short periods from a very early age, so that it's not a big thing when they're older. You never know when an emergency might mean you HAVE to be away from your children, and knowing they're comfortable in the care of someone else is just one thing off your mind.

PinkHeart59156816 · 12/04/2017 14:17

My dc are 8 months and 19 months and have been left for a weekend, they are safe and loved with mil so it's always been absolutely fine.

As parents we like to think children can't possibly cope without us but most children are fine.

1bighappyfamily · 12/04/2017 14:18

KayTee87 it's so hard to look at an 8 month old when you're on maternity leave and imagine what it will be like when he's 17 months and has had 5 months (and therefore doesn't remember anything different) of childcare.

Honestly, in my five years of this parenting malarkey, if there's one thing I've learned it's that the little tykes miss us a lot less than we miss them!

housesellingrant · 12/04/2017 14:21

I left dd for first time at 17 months and am leaving her next week for two days at grannies. She'll love it, it'll be me that stresses. It's a while off yet and at 17 months are a lot easier to leave Imo.

KayTee87 · 12/04/2017 14:29

You're all right, I'm sure it will be fine. I will just have to switch off my mummy head. My dh loves London and is so looking forward to going.

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JedBartlet · 12/04/2017 14:31

DC is 17 months now and the longest he has been on his own (I mean with neither parent) is about half a day.

DH has been away alone, as have I (although only recently) but we have never both been away overnight. I wouldn't feel happy leaving him for a weekend yet.

However, my friend who has a 16 month old is shortly going away for a week with her DH, and really looking forward to it.

I think it's hard to know how you will feel at that point, when mine was 8 months I could not have imagined leaving him at all, but I do that he is way less dependent on me now. Try not to worry about it for now and see how you feel nearer the time.

MrsMeeseeks · 12/04/2017 14:33

The first time you leave them it's very hard but once you've done it you will have more confidence the second time.

I think you should definitely go and have a lovely time.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 12/04/2017 14:40

We've left them with the other parent for work purposes overnight but neither of mine have been left other overnight with others expect for School residentials.

Every parent has their own view on babysitters and what they include the children in, for us we take them everywhere likewise some friends do but others we know use grandparents very frequently.

randomsabreuse · 12/04/2017 14:45

Did it at 13 months. Was fine - wouldn't have wanted much longer though. Space can be good for all concerned (with known GPs at least!)

JayneAusten · 12/04/2017 14:56

Well yes of course she's going to miss you and cry - and not understand why you have disappeared or that you're coming back. Whether that matters is a point of opinion. Why 2 nights on the first time you leave her? Why are you letting him pressure you into doing something you blatantly don't want to do?

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 12/04/2017 14:56

I didn't leave my DS overnight till just a few weeks ago (he's three). I was a wreck, messaging constantly, and I didn't enjoy my time away at all. He, in turn, was absolutely fine. On the one hand the relief was immense, and then five minutes later I had convinced myself that he didn't care because I was the shittest mother alive because surely, if I was any good, he;d have missed me, right?? Ah, the neurosis. Such fun. Anyway, you are allowed to be worried, and stressed, and to feel anxious. This is your precious bundle. You made him and he's spent the past 18 months being lavished with your love, protection, and attention. You don't flip that off like a lightswitch. If anyone tells you that you're over-reacting, poke them in the eye.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 12/04/2017 14:58

Oh and yes, I'd have this as a one-night thing. And I'd agree in advance with the people who will be taking care of your DC that they will send updates and pictures and keep you generally up to speed. Anyone who suggests a total cold-turkey cut off also gets a poke in the eye.

TheLegendOfBeans · 12/04/2017 15:00

I left DD with my DH for an overnighter to Southampton (2hrs away) for a gig when she was 12 weeks old.

DH and I went to Italy for a "dirty" weekend (we mostly slept) for 2 nights when DD was 11mo.

DD didn't miss us AT ALL as she was getting all the spoiling from her godparents x

TheLegendOfBeans · 12/04/2017 15:01

But yeah, I demanded pics and updates, morning afternoon and night. X

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hoopdeloop · 12/04/2017 15:16

My DS went on a wee holiday with his grandparents for 4 days when he was 19 months and DH and I went to London. When he picked us up at the train station, he was more excited by the train than us!

He will be fine and as PP have said, he will get thoroughly spoiled and not even be fussed xx

HurtyAtThirty · 12/04/2017 15:39

Our DD was 5 weeks old the first time we left her overnight, we went to Cardiff for the day/night to watch the rugby and she stayed with my mum.

At 12 weeks old we went to a birthday party in Cornwall on the Friday and got back Sunday night, again she stayed with my parents.

She has regular nights away with my parents when we want to have a grown up night at gigs/parties and she enjoys herself so much.

This past week she went to Ireland with my folks on the Tuesday, we arrived Friday and stayed till Monday with my folks bringing her home yesterday, and I swear she missed my dad more when he left last night than she did when we left her.

If you're going back to work I'd encourage you to start doing maybe a half/full day where your DC spends time with his grandparents, it will really prep you both for going back to the office. And once nursery is in full swing you'll find there may be the odd day where there are tears at drop off but 5 mins after you leave the tears are all but forgotten.

As for crying for you at bedtime, my DD cries for her dad and he's only downstairs lol.

Have a great weekend away

KayTee87 · 12/04/2017 16:45

jayne it won't be the first time he's left by the time we go. He is having an overnight with my mum when he's 11 months (in June) also so that will be practise for all of us I suppose.

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