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Just one text

(35 Posts)
Rebeccajane14 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:11:27

Had the worse fall out last night with DP over girl that will not leave us alone. Last year she was really nasty, told DP she didn't like me for no reason when I made such an effort to be a good friend to her and we all fell out. Now she messages him and me and makes out nothing happened. I don't feel comfortable with her after she used to constantly tell my DP she loved him while she had a DP aswell. And still recently messaged MIL to say she liked him-yes we're adults which is pathetic.
We fell out because I asked DP to reply to her needy text to just say please stop with the messages and leave us alone. Nothing nasty just to get the point across but he won't. AIBU to have expected him to just send a text like that not just say "I'll ignore it" because this is beginning to stress me out it's a waiting game for the next text and is really straining on our relationship. I know I shouldn't take it out on DP but this girl is getting between our relationship and although DP wants nothing to do with her he still won't send her one little text to say stop.

Rebeccajane14 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:14:24

I've told DP I will reply to the message she has sent me on her DP account (we are friends wth her partner but because we have blocked her previously she finds other ways to text) and my DP has told me not too. He doesn't want any trouble.

abbsisspartacus Wed 12-Apr-17 07:14:48

She is boosting his ego

Sirzy Wed 12-Apr-17 07:16:09

I think he is right to ignore personally.

To reply is only going to feed her obsession surely?

As you said your adults. So just walk away and ignore!

JustMumNowNotMe Wed 12-Apr-17 07:18:36

I agree, ignoring her will be car more effective. Eventually she will get bored of not getting a rise out of you both and give it up.

Bluntness100 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:19:18

I see no issue with ignoring it. It does seeem to be stressing you out a lot though. Are you concerned he likes her?

Emphasise Wed 12-Apr-17 07:20:48

Oh, that's rubbish.

On the one hand you want him to do as you say with regard to his response but otoh you intend to ignore him with regard to your message?

What are the most recent messages?

Either way, I do think he needs to be putting a stop to this and his reluctantance probably says more about him than it does about her. At the very least he's enjoying the attention.

HotelEuphoria Wed 12-Apr-17 07:26:02

I can't see how she can still contact you both if she is blocked on all types of communication.

Rebeccajane14 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:29:23

Thanks for the replies, I see what you mean with ignoring and I see where he is coming from too but she messages ALL the time and we don't reply it's just not stopping her. I don't think DP likes her at all. He gets just as stressed out when she messages us. I kind of think he is scared of her in some way because I believe she can be quite a stirrer. It's harder because my DP is friends with her DP. As I said above she is blocked but messaged us last night on her partners phone. There is no stopping it

Emphasise Wed 12-Apr-17 07:32:29

I think you need to block her Dp to and tell him why. He surely can't be happy with this either? If theyre good friends, the two men will find other ways to keep in touch

user1471545174 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:35:48

This needs to be stopped OP. Your husband should help you with this. If he can't ask her to stop, can he ignore the texts?

Sirzy Wed 12-Apr-17 07:36:00

If she is that determined then realistically she isn't going to listen to a stop message anyway?

Laiste Wed 12-Apr-17 07:38:08

''she used to constantly tell my DP she loved him while she had a DP as well.''

And your DP and he are still great mates? confused If this is the same partner she had when she was flirting with yours then this is never going to be a normal couple relationship (or a particularly normal bloke relationship) and he needs to block her, block him and forget all about them both!

AnguaResurgam Wed 12-Apr-17 07:40:42

You say you're adults, but that she is a girl.

Any chance you could just tell her mother? How does she know DH? Because I was wondering if there is another adult who could intercede - if he is a teacher he could be on very thin ice so talking to someone on SMT could be worthwhile, or confiding in a colleague if there is any way his occupation could be described as being in a position of influence over her.

The text to a family member has tipped this from girlish crush into circumstances under which your DH really needs to take steps to protect his reputation. MIL must be told not to answer texts, but to keep then, just in case there's an investigation.

If there are sources of advice open to DH, he should consult them before any further action (don't forget unions can also advise, or professional bodies if the girl knows him from a sport or other national club).

If it's not linked to his occupation/activity, then it's less likely to be career damaging or criminal (as it's only position of influence that lead to the possibility if prosecutions if the girl/boy is over 16) but could still be reputation damaging. So he really does need to respond to all overtures (whether spoken or in writing) by saying he's not interested. I would say do it as kindly as possible, given that she is so much younger, but as this seems to have been running a while, then I think there's a risk that any kindness could be seen as encouragement, so it needs to be firm now.

user1471558436 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:40:58

Have you or your DH talked to her dp about it?

user1471558436 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:45:17

I think they are all adults angua.

stressedtothemax12 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:45:48

She isn't a girl she is fully adult and older than myself. But she is not acting like one.

Bluntness100 Wed 12-Apr-17 07:46:00

How old are the people invovled here please?

AlcoholAndIrony Wed 12-Apr-17 07:50:43

Does this girl know that she is actually harassing you. It's bordering on obsessive/stalker behaviour and anything less than saying no and blocking will only allow her to continue to act the way she has been.

TBH id be very close to getting the police involved.

How do you know this person?

AnguaResurgam Wed 12-Apr-17 07:50:57

It took me a while to type all that, and I hadn't seen the OP's second post, which is more suggestive that the person she described as a girl is actually an adult

(I took the comment about 'we're adults' to refer to her and her DP not the person she'd described as a girl. And of course dealing with a girl is rather different to dealing with an adult, so I had thought it carried the normal meaning. Now I'm not so sure)

highinthesky Wed 12-Apr-17 07:59:27

There is a block function on phones. Use it!

badabing36 Wed 12-Apr-17 08:16:26

This woman sounds a bit scary. I can see why your dp wants to pretend nothing's happening, but I'm not sure that's going to work to be honest.

However, I don't think 1 text is going to sort it out either, and you pushing it adds to the drama and comes across as though you're testing him to be honest.

Does her dp know about this? If not tell him. If he does your dp needs to end the friendship I think. Then you can block her entirely hopefully.

shovetheholly Wed 12-Apr-17 08:17:10

It sounds like a situation in which there are no firm boundaries, and I think you're right to ask for these to be established, for the sake of everyone's position and peace of mind.

However, this may be more difficult than it sounds, as it sounds like there are several people in this situation who are enjoying the tension, ambiguity and drama.

sobeyondthehills Wed 12-Apr-17 08:22:09

Start writing it all down, include dates, times, make sure you keep the messages, change his number. If it continues make a complaint to the police.

thatdearoctopus Wed 12-Apr-17 08:36:44

Whilst I 'get' what people are saying re: ignoring the texts, I suppose what you are wanting is for your dp to stand up for your relationship in public by telling her he's not interested. Do you feel insecure that he seems reluctant to do so?

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