Several months ago, I cut my mother out my family’s life due to the repulsive comments she made to my daughters regarding their appearance. My kids are half black/half white (14 and 11). DD1 has olive skin and DD2 has light caramel skin. The last time their grandmother saw them, she told my babies that it’s a shame DD2 doesn’t have her older sister’s lighter skin tone. And that DD2 would be so much prettier if she had her sister’s olive skin tone. This greatly upset both my children.
When I found out, the rage that consumed me was overwhelming. I had it out with my mother and told her that I never want her anywhere near my kids and my husband again. Over the last few months, my mum has been bombarding family members, telling them about my “cruelty.” Last week I received a letter from her – it stated that without the joy of her grandkids, she sees no point in living anymore.
Now, this isn’t the first time my mother has threatened to kill herself. She’s never done it directly to me, but a few times to my dad. I remember when I was a little girl, she once took a knife and pointed it to her stomach – she told my dad she would stab herself if he went out for a drink with his colleagues that night (I kid you not). She’s always been the melodramatic and manipulative type.
When I got the letter, I called my mother and we spoke on the phone. I told her I can see her, but my children just can’t be around her. I don’t want them recalling what happened. When I told her the kids are still off-limits for her, she reiterated her suicidal threats. Then she started shouting at me – saying how unfair and cruel I was being.
She hurt my daughters tremendously, and that’s something that I not only find hard to understand, but to forgive. And it’s something I’m not willing to risk for a second time.
AIBU?
To not change my stance even in the face of my mother threatening suicide?
SABaby · 12/04/2017 06:01
Im completely NC with my family so I understand how tough it is. Initially limited contact but the more I did that the more crazy stunts like this they pulled, the more lies and accusations flew around. Its control. You are not behaving how she wants you to.
NC has been the best thing i have ever done. They still spread lies about me that now and again i find out (that i have had my children put into care was the latest 
) but its so liberating not having to deal with toxic negativity and drama anymore.
Im guessing theres more to this than one incident. Stand firm. Its manipulation
I think yanbu, her comments were completely out of order. Especially as she doesn't seem to even be remorseful.
This I am a bit about though:
What happened greatly upset them, and the worst part of it is that DD2 has began developing insecurity issues regarding her skin tone because of what happened. Prior that, she never even thought about life that way. It kills me inside.
It kills you inside...? That seems rather overdramatic to me. Why not just reassure dd2 that granny is talking shite and that she is beautiful. That skin colour has sweet FA to do with beauty (well actually being pale / milk bottle white I actually think black skin is beautiful tbh). You sound very hung up about it though - I am guessing there is a back story here of years and years of nasty racist digs from family.
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