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To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

(274 Posts)

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funnyface80 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:51:10

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

HeyRoly Tue 11-Apr-17 20:52:21

Are you the Asian parent?

funnyface80 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:53:11

Yes

PlayOnWurtz Tue 11-Apr-17 20:53:34

Doesn't sound like racism to me sounds like doctors not listening as usual. However why, If mum and dad are present, is the nanny also there? confused it's a whole other world to me!

AndNowItIsSeven Tue 11-Apr-17 20:55:00

Doctor probably assumed you were grandma if you were there with your dh, as it is very odd to bring your nanny with you in the hospital room.

WellErrr Tue 11-Apr-17 20:55:07

To be fair if they see a white looking baby with one white and one Asian adult it's hardly surprising they'd make the assumption.

I understand it would be frustrating but I don't think they're doing it on purpose, or that it's racism in any way.

Mumzypopz Tue 11-Apr-17 20:55:40

Not sure why you think this is racism? They have clearly got it wrong who is Mum, but were they being nasty or detrimental to you?

Trifleorbust Tue 11-Apr-17 20:55:42

Yes, this is what I don't get: why is the nanny there?

PlayOnWurtz Tue 11-Apr-17 20:56:18

Plus if they're like me and you say one party is nanny you'll assume grandparent. I assume you're an older mum.

funnyface80 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:56:34

DH only came in later as he was at work. Nanny happened to be there when incident happened and I need to calm a very distressed baby and deal with medics without having to also deal with change bags and everything else. Don't see why that would be whole other world?

HeyRoly Tue 11-Apr-17 20:56:49

Just wanted to expand on my initial question funnyface. I understand you 100%. My children are mixed white/Asian and look white. I'm the white parent. My husband has, more than once had people comment on the photo on his desk: "cute kids! Whose are they?" Which is funny but also really fucking stupid. Why would he have a photo of someone else's kids on his desk? hmm

People just can't get their heads around white-looking mixed race kids. It's like they believe it isn't possible for a brown skinned person to be the parent of a white skinned child.

Annoying, yes. Ignorant, yes. But not racist exactly. Totally understand why you're pissed off though flowers

pieceofpurplesky Tue 11-Apr-17 20:56:55

Same here is I heard nanny in that situation I would assume grandma

funnyface80 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:57:38

Nanny not dissimilar age to me. We are both young looking.

BackforGood Tue 11-Apr-17 20:58:23

Whoever is holding the baby is not really a clue. I think you are looking for an issue where there is one here.

<By 'Nanny', do you mean Grandmother, or employee?>

Hope your little one is OK. I'd really focus my energy into worrying about that.

ineedamoreadultieradult Tue 11-Apr-17 20:58:46

Nanny as in your employee or nanny as in the babies grandparent?

honeysucklejasmine Tue 11-Apr-17 20:59:16

You mean they assume you are the nanny because of your race? Like the BBC Korea correspondent interview where lots of people assumed the mum was a nanny?

PlayOnWurtz Tue 11-Apr-17 20:59:34

It's a whole other world because having a nanny (of the non grandparent variety) is not the norm

Mumzypopz Tue 11-Apr-17 20:59:56

Did the nanny offer to come, or did you ask her? Most parents can cope with a baby, change bags, medics etc....Nice if she wanted to go to give you reassurance though.

PlayOnWurtz Tue 11-Apr-17 21:00:00

Having a nanny goat however is becoming increasingly normal

BackforGood Tue 11-Apr-17 21:01:48

x post there with the answer! grin

HeyRoly Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:10

Oh it's pretty likely that they assumed OP was the nanny because she's brown.

You might like this article, in which Robyn Wilder Heritage complains that people think she's her son's au pair because she's brown and he's white smile

www.the-pool.com/life/parenting-honestly/2016/35/up-with-the-kids-robyn-wilder-on-being-mistaken-for-an-au-pair

saracrewe2 Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:21

Hope your dd is ok.

On a side note though, you need a nanny to deal with change bags?

jammyjay Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:37

Sorry that happened to you. I don't think it's racism either just staff not paying attention!
My friend has a mixed raced baby (she's Irish and dad is Ghanaian) and this sort of thing would happen to her all the time! People would assume she was the childminder as her DD has very dark skin.
I too have a mixed race baby I'm black and dad is white and, interestingly, no one has ever questioned me or DS' dad.
I know it's frustrating but slowly people are becoming clued up to the wonderful rainbow nation we live in. We all jus need to continue to educate smile

LokisSister Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:58

My sisters and I have an Armenian father and are darker skinned, brown eyed and almost black hair, and my blonde haired blue eyed mum always got asked if she was mum at appointments etc.

I don't think it's unconscious racism though. Presumptive maybe but it's understandable

Crunchymum Tue 11-Apr-17 21:03:10

A&E isn't a family outing OP.

Sorry that you are there with your baby but send then nanny home. We were in paediatric A&E last week and didn't have a chair because someone was there with mum and dad and both grandparents staff soon put it right though

Is this something more than the A&E situation? Is nanny often mistaken for mum? Do you feel guilty about being at work?

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