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To not let teenage dss have a house key despite living here.

(109 Posts)
DontActLikeYouKnowMe1 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:03:19

Okay I am fully prepared to get flamed her but I can't think of any other option. Dss mother is erratic and bizarre. I have caught following me around before. She has been caught looking at my and my dc Facebook and we have not only had to block her but her son as well because she will use his account.

I would not put it past her picking up the key from her sons pocket and coming round when no one is in.

Dss goes to the same school as my son so they make same journey home.

StewieGMum Tue 11-Apr-17 19:06:05

You can't deny a child a key to his own house because if something you think his mother might do. It's not fair to him.

Mrsmull2017 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:06:36

Don't feel bad for safe guarding your privacy!! Just tell dss for insurance purposes you can only have 3 keys maybe? (you, dh and ds!)

highinthesky Tue 11-Apr-17 19:07:43

It's your home, and you need to ensure it's security for your family's sake.

Unless significantly older, how is it that your DS is allowed a key? (My assumption, but I am interested to know how you manage to treat them differently without having a major rebellion on your hands).

Andanothermakestwo Tue 11-Apr-17 19:07:53


Don't be a twat. There's a huge difference between looking at someone's FB (which everyone does) and breaking into someones house.

As for the insurance lie...fucking hell words fail me

Avioleta Tue 11-Apr-17 19:09:10

YABVU. He lives there. He needs to feel part of the family. Not allowing him a key when your DS has one will make him feel excluded.

Floggingmolly Tue 11-Apr-17 19:10:12

You've caught her following you around before? As in, stalking you?

Avioleta Tue 11-Apr-17 19:10:32

And yeah, massive difference between snooping on FB and breaking into a house.

Maylani Tue 11-Apr-17 19:10:52

If I was ds I'd resent the unfairness and the lack of trust. It'd make me not feel at home. How does he feel about his mum? Could you talk to him about your worries and ask him to be careful with his key? Or would that cause even more problems?

ollieplimsoles Tue 11-Apr-17 19:10:55

Not allowing him a key when your DS has one will make him feel excluded.

How old are they, how often does he stay there, and were you the ow?

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan Tue 11-Apr-17 19:11:01

You really can't give a key to your son but not to your stepson. I appreciate your concern but you just can't do that.

Would a compromise be to not let either child have a key but instead use a key safe? You could give them the code but impressive upon them they can't tell anyone else. Then they could use the key as needed.

Your poor dss is being put in a difficult position by his mother. But there is a difference between FB stalking (which lots of us have probably done) and stealing a key to access someone's house without their permission.

Lucked Tue 11-Apr-17 19:11:45

You could get a Bluetooth home security camera cheaply off amazon, pointed at front door (inside) that messages your phone if activated. If you told dss about it then his mother would hear about it and not want to be caught on camera.

TitaniasCloset Tue 11-Apr-17 19:11:48

I'm with Andanother . lots if people stalk on fb, you are being ridiculous. The child needs his own key.

yikesanotherbooboo Tue 11-Apr-17 19:12:15

I would like to hear boys' ages...but if one has the privilege of a front door key I would have thought both do. What does DP think?

DameXanaduBramble Tue 11-Apr-17 19:14:59

She looked at your FB? Big deal. Most people do this sort of thing. Give him a key ffs.

claritytobeclear Tue 11-Apr-17 19:15:34

Could you keep spare key for him whilst he stays at your house? To hand back when he goes back home. Or get a key safe for your boys to use.

Bluntness100 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:16:38

You can't deny him a key, that's horrible. If his mum breaks in deal with it but don't punish him for what she may or may not do.

And yes following you or whatever is very different to breaking into uour home.

kmc1111 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:16:59

If she's actually physically stalked you then you're being quite sensible.

Is he aware there's a bit of an issue? Could you give him one but have him give it back when he goes to hers? Or is getting a keyless lock fitted an option? It would be no use if DSS would just tell his mum the code obviously.

If you have a front yard or somewhere to hide a key do that at least. He can't be totally reliant on your DS to get in his house because at some point that system will fail and leave DSS locked out.

Quartz2208 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:17:11

Have a keylock box that has a key in that he knows the code too. But to be honest just give him a key

Presumably he is aware of the issues between you and his mum you are punishing him for something out of his control

Love51 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:17:29

I'd class looking at Facebook as the same as reading an article in a (particularly dull) local paper. It's publicity.
I've never entered anyone's house without their express invitation. That's a different behaviour.
The stalking stuff is worrying though!
It's an expensive solution, but get an alarm. That way if she does use his key, you will know.

ShesAStar Tue 11-Apr-17 19:18:02

If your other son has a key it's mean to not give DSS a key. He'll feel like he's second best and can't be trusted.

Marmalade85 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:18:13

She's been caught looking at your personal social media profile which you publicly display on the internet? shock

kali110 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:18:20

Yabu, way to make your dss feel excluded!
There is also a massive difference between someone snooping on fb to breaking into someone's home!
* Just tell dss for insurance purposes you can only have 3 keys maybe? (you, dh and ds!)
Ridiculous! At 15, don't think the dss will fall for it either hmm

harderandharder2breathe Tue 11-Apr-17 19:18:42


Get a key safe for them both to use if you really can't let him have a key but don't treat them differently

Love51 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:19:06

Lucked's Bluetooth camera idea is good. I'd do that.

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