WWYD another MIL thread.(9 Posts)
Ok so as not to drip feed here is a bit of background, my MIL has always been tricky , attention seeking and hyper. However for all the years I have known her, I have found the trick has been visits in short doses and channelling her boundless energy.
Now we seem to have arrived in a new phase which started on a short holiday with them 2 years ago where she seemed to have an even worse dose of munchhausen which worsened last year after another big family function when after the munchhausen didn't have any effect on me she pretended to drown which is when I flipped my lid . ( a bit).
There was a certain cloud till they left the next day and I told DH I didn't want them coming to our house whilst we were away shortly after as already arranged to be with younger but adult daughter. Cue more attention seeking including a premonition about our flight and other stuff to try to get us to beg them to come. Didn't work they didn't come (DD was fine ) and to be fair since then our relationship has been a little tense and not the same.
DH has been up once I think, they haven't been here . Not that unusual, they don't like travelling much and only come about once a year anyhow.
So to now. We are planning a big wedding anniversary event and we would like them to come, I know that this matters to DH . They are playing hard to get. Lots of excuses why they can't make it including possible terrorism in the big smoke , travelling , health.
But they can still manage other stuff like helping an elderly infirm relative and heavy gardening so I do think these are excuses not real reasons.
Just like last summer I think they want us to beg them to come so they can feel needed and special . I think this is more attention seeking on her part and the FIL would generally need no excuse to avoid a party, even tried to get out of the wedding last year!
It's not like we are great party animals we just wanted to mark this special anniversary in a special way. I realise that what we are asking is an invitation and not a summons to anyone we invite , although most responses have been positive. It's just that I know it will take the edge off things for DH if his parents don't come. We have talked about it and decided that we will send the invite anyhow, and then leave things till later on and ask again.
I really don't want it to end with begging, it's their choice but I feel for my DH. WWYD
I wouldn't beg.
You've invited them, that's enough. If they come or not is up to them now.
If their need for attention is more important than their son it's on their own heads.
Don't get drawn in.
I bet you they want to be there.
It's a game of bluff - who will blink first?
If they refuse just say "we're sorry you feel you can't make the journey & wont be present. If circumstances change between now & the party then we'd love to see you"
Then carry on as per normal.
I bet circumstances will change about 2 days beforehand.
I think they really want to be there or at least MIL does as the venue is somewhere she has always wanted to visit.
Update: she apparently has exhaustion so has taking up jogging!?! Still why should I not be surprised , apparently ice cream
which is not full of sugar settles her so called diabetic stomach and she must avoid all gluten until she can't be assed to walk 100m further to get an alternative.
Totally agree with stripey you need to call their bluff.
"We are so sorry you aren't sure you can come but it's no problem - we will love to see you if you can make it on the day."
Absolutely NO BEGGING.
I really don't feel like blinking stripey
Ring them first to ask them to hold the date, and then follow it up with the postal invitation. This might give them a chance to get used to the idea ahead of the RSVP deadline.
And you want this drama on your anniversary why exactly?
No I don't want this drama , it's just despite everything DH is fond of his parents . I am looking for a way to avoid any drama . Strpey and Poobum have suggested good responses , thanks.
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