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AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

(754 Posts)
Confuso Tue 11-Apr-17 17:35:42

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

ElinorRigby Tue 11-Apr-17 17:39:08

I would never pack for my husband.

My children would basically pack for themselves once they reached double figures - but we'd make a list for them first and check with them that really vital stuff (enough underwear, T shirts etc) had gone in the case before we shut it.

So no, I'd not pack for the family - and certainly not a partner unless I'd got somebody who was at work till midnight and we left for the airport at 6am. And then they'd be asking me as a huge favour.

Stormtreader Tue 11-Apr-17 17:39:14

"Umm, what exactly has it got to do with you what I do for my husband?"

Cheeky mare! Sounds like she was annoyed that her free nanny was "bunking off work" to do something other than watch her child!

Birdsbeesandtrees Tue 11-Apr-17 17:39:24

Well I think she was very rude.

But since you asked my mum always did and I've always thought it was very odd a grown man didn't pick and pack his own clothes. But if you're both fine with it then carry on.

Amummyatlast Tue 11-Apr-17 17:41:04

I pick my clothes, but it's DH who packs them in the suitcase (we just have the one). What's it got to do with her?

wellhonestly Tue 11-Apr-17 17:41:08

You are not weird, loads of people pack for their DH and kids.

I don't - never have for DH, and he was agitating for kids to pack for themselves from about age 10 onwards... we've had some interesting suitcases (usually rucksacks tbh) over the years, including Forgotten Pyjamas and Almost Forgotten Pants ... none of it was a disaster.

You are prob tired after looking out for friend's DD, but I would also be upset at a friend questioning my choices like that.

Sandsnake Tue 11-Apr-17 17:41:16

She is incredibly rude. However, I wouldn't consider packing for my DH - that's his job. He's probably more particular about clothes than I am so I'm sure he wouldn't want me to either! I'd pack for my DS, but he's only 17 months. At 12 I think I'd probably expect a child to be able to pack their own clothes but I would ensure that I had packed the essentials (meds / toiletries / documents etc).

Have a great holiday!

Huldra Tue 11-Apr-17 17:42:23

As a general rule its best not to comment on what other people do, so in that respect yanbu. On the other hand:

Do you moan to her about him being lazy or not partcipating in domestic affairs? Or make a deal about how stressed and busy you are?
Started on you? that makes me think of being angry or very forceful. Or was she being overly opinionated, or chatter that came out too strong.

Confuso Tue 11-Apr-17 17:43:41

I just find it easier to do it myself. I haven't exactly been st it all day. I took the kids out etc.

DonaldStott Tue 11-Apr-17 17:44:00

No. I would not pack for my husband, who is a grown man and totally capable of choosing his outfits for holidays.

robinia Tue 11-Apr-17 17:44:44

Dh gets his clothes etc out which he puts in a pile and I pack them. Kids get given lists and then ditto. Depending on age I may check the kids' piles.

Birdsbeesandtrees Tue 11-Apr-17 17:44:57

I wonder how many men pack for their wives and children.

TheseAreTheGoodOldDays Tue 11-Apr-17 17:45:11

Got nothing to do with her!
I've packed for DP previously when we'd left it all a bit last minute and he was at work for the day before we set off at tea time.
I'm all for women not being made to be skivvies, but if you both regularly do stuff for each other in the house I don't see a problem at all.

disappearingfish Tue 11-Apr-17 17:45:40

I wouldn't do this for another adult nor would I expect them to do it for me.

My nine year old packs for herself with minimal help.

Hulababy Tue 11-Apr-17 17:45:46

We go away on Thursday. I shall pack tomorrow.

Today I have done some washing and ironing and yes, some of that ironing is clothes that 15y dD and DH wants for the holiday. However, DH normally does all the ironing here but we were busy this weekend so I offered.

He will sort his own packing in that he will take out what he intends to take.
15y Dd will do the same.

I will probably be the one to put it all in the case though - we are only taking one case for the three of us, as well as hand luggage cases. I am just a bit better at doing the more compact type of packing. It means I can veto some of DD's clothes too - she always feels the need to take half of her wardrobe otherwise!

If we take more big cases then DH packs his own stuff, as does DD. But when it is more limited I tend to sort it.

Velvetbee Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:15

I never pack for DH, he's a grown adult. Our children also pack for themselves from a list, though I'd check through the bags of the younger two, 12 and 9.

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:23

I get DH and DS to leave out what they want to take and then I add/remove stuff as required. Usually too few pants and swimming shorts and too many shirts! I just say remove 3 shirts so they still chose.

I usually pack and I pack a bit of everyone's in each case which worked really well when we went to Thailand at Christmas and one case was delayed for 5 days as it meant we all still had some clothes to wear. Also I pack quite well - in a way - that means minimal creasing and I also remember pretty much what is which case so it is easier when we have eg. a short stop somewhere en route to know where things we need are!

NeedABumChange Tue 11-Apr-17 17:46:59

No I wouldn't and kids should help and then do themselves from about 10.

KellyBoo000 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:47:45

I don't pack for my DH, occasionally for my DSD. But I don't think it's the worst thing in the world if you do and I think it was very rude of your friend to comment.

00100001 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:47:48

I pack our suitcases because I'm the Suitcase Packing Champion of The World! <Challenges anyone to beat me> grin

DH sorts his clothes out and puts them by the case (usually the afternoon before)

Longji Tue 11-Apr-17 17:47:54

I can't understand why she cares tbh?
My husband packs his own stuff but I'd do it for him if he wanted. He's just super organised and usually packs about a week before we go away and I'm still stuffing creased clothes into my case when we should have already left for the airport.
It's not something I can imagine getting worked up about though...

MrsJayy Tue 11-Apr-17 17:48:06

Dh packs the cases i obviously sort the clothes i want to take but he is a better folder than i am <shrug> . Your friend is very opinionated it has nothing to do with her what you do.

dementedpixie Tue 11-Apr-17 17:48:06

I make lists and dh/kids pick what they are taking but it's me that actually packs the case. That way I know we have everything we need. None of her damn business anyway

Mulberry72 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:48:22

Not weird at all, I pack for DH & DS(10), it's no biggie to me.

PinkHeart59156816 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:48:44

What's the fuck has it got to do with her? After looking after her child for The past 2 days I would of had to ask her I think

I have packed for DH and he has packed for me in the past, whoever can be bothered starts packing for the babies and then starts the packing for us adults.
Dh knows my favourite clothes so he will make a start on my packing if he is packing for the babies and himself anyway

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