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AIBU?

To worry about stalker(ish) behaviour

25 replies

scoobydoo1971 · 11/04/2017 01:33

I am really not sure what to make of 'his' behaviour. I live in a village and don't socialise much with the locals (too busy working). When out walking, I seem to bump into 'him' rather a lot. He always stares at me, creepy staring that is very uncomfortable. He is usually alone and I think he is single. This is not a glance but prolonged hard stares that are totally odd and almost aggressive. I hate him doing it if my kids are around as it scares them. I tried talking to him once, thinking it might break down the barrier...but he made it obvious he didn't want a conversation and walked off. I choose to ignore him nowadays, but whenever he sees me then he walks across the road to stand next to me staring, I cringe and move away as he gives me the creeps. He walks past the house staring at school run times when he knows I am waiting for my children. His eyes seem to be following me around the village. I have tried to otherwise vary my routine as I have noticed he is around at set times. He works locally so it is proving hard to avoid him. I used to think he was harmless but my instincts tell me I am being targeted. He is a large man and I am quite small so I don't think I could physically escape him.

My husband works away from home, and we socialise outside the village quite a bit. I am not sure if this man assumes I am single and is making an awkward attempt at getting my attention with very poor social skills. I haven't told my husband as he has a hot temper and I could see the situation getting nasty quickly.

No idea what to do.

OP posts:

Report

highinthesky · 11/04/2017 01:40

For goodness sake let someone know about this odd character. Get to know people in the village (local businesses, other mum's etc) as they can perhaps shed more light on this individual.

Trust your instincts!

FataliePorkman · 11/04/2017 01:43

Ask him what his problem is. Tell him to stop staring at you and following you or you will be calling the police.

debbs77 · 11/04/2017 01:46

I would seriously report his behaviour to the non emergency police line. Better safe than sorry and if anything happens then you have a record of it

kissmethere · 11/04/2017 02:00

You need someone else to I observe this. I'd start filming him if I was you. Seriously he's not friendly and sounds menacing. Can you do that? Don't let him intimidate you.

GardenGeek · 11/04/2017 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/04/2017 02:10

I'd speak (informally) to the local police. It may be that he's a local 'character' who is basically harmless (but irritating). It may be that he is 'known to them' as a creeper.

I do think you should tell your DH, temper or no. Perhaps he (or a brother, friend's DH, etc) could arrange to do the school run with or instead of you for a few days.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 11/04/2017 02:12

That does sound really creepy, you need to let someone in real life know, if you can't tell your husband is there a friend/family nearby you could talk to? I'd also log it with 101 and mention it to your kids school just to be on the safe side.

BerylStreep · 11/04/2017 02:16

Do you know who he is, where he lives, works?

Do you know anyone in the village that you can ask - i.e. who is that bloke? Do you find him a bit strange?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 11/04/2017 02:21

Agree with the others, you need to take this further. Do you talk to others in the village? Is anyone else aware of this man and the odd behaviour? I'd start to note down dates & times, to show the police it's not a one off, and seriously think about the police...

EffinElle · 11/04/2017 02:47

Get one of those personal alarms and let it off when he comes near you.

FastWindow · 11/04/2017 02:52

In the morning, ring 111. Give the police all the details of what is currently happening to you. They will log what you have said. If this individual is known to them, your information will be very helpful.

3littlebadgers · 11/04/2017 02:59

Please let someone know. There is no harm in talking to the local police, as others have said maybe he is already known to them.

It sounds very similar to a situation I had. I thought I was over thinking it but then friends started to comment on how he was everywhere I was too. My situation got out of hand in that he dragged me home with him one day, but thankfully unbeknown to him his housemate was off sick from work and I got away. It could have been much worse.

It is far better to be over cautions especially if you have children.

TheDisappearingUser · 11/04/2017 03:19

Creepy!

tillytown · 11/04/2017 06:17

Can you ask around when doing the school run? See if anybody knows him?
And I agree with everyone else, get a personal alarm and report to the local police

debbs77 · 11/04/2017 18:11

Hope you've made steps with this today OP xx

ThePigletatwork · 11/04/2017 20:17

I would certainly let the police know.
You haven't inadvertently looked at his 12 year-old daughter have you?

hungryhippo90 · 11/04/2017 20:29

Please keep a bit of a diary of his actions, and tell someone!

MooseyMouse · 11/04/2017 21:01

Call Paladin stalking helpline for advice.

Crunchymum · 11/04/2017 21:10

Why do you use quotation marks when you say "him" and "he" ???

Crunchymum · 11/04/2017 21:11

Sorry 'his' and 'him'

Is there any reason for this OP? Genuinely interested.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/04/2017 21:16

Definitely ring 111. This is not normal behaviour. He may have some kind of mental health/neurodivergent issue, of course, but if he does, it is likely to be known to the local police (because other people will also have complained at being followed and stared at.) If it is something like that and he 'can't help it' but has never actually progressed to assaulting anyone, then this may set your mind at rest. If he is on some sort of watch list, then the authorities need to know. If he's a newcomer to the area, or he has singled you out in some way, the police can at least have a word with him and you have a record of your concerns.
And if he is just an arsehole, the police can and should warn him off, and take further action if he persists.

SparklyPantaloons · 11/04/2017 21:21

I would 100% tell DH. Creepy guy might pay attention to another bloke telling him to back off, as sad as that is.

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scoobydoo1971 · 11/04/2017 21:27

We call this man 'him' as we didn't know his name until today and I think of him as being anything but a gentleman if he gets kicks out of scaring us (which I am sure he knows by our reaction to him). I know his name now and his job title as I decided to take some action today, and ask a local friend. I told my DH who took the day off work to see the situation for himself as he realises I am not easily worried. Creepy guy has seen us together now several times today and I am hoping he leaves me alone now as he looked very disappointed. I am holding off reporting anything to the police because I want to wait to see if there is a change in his behaviour now he knows I have a partner. I will contact the authorities if the situation escalates as the act of writing it all down, as well as the constructive replies here, made me realise this is a problem.

OP posts:

PointlessUsername · 11/04/2017 21:33

Having seen you around with Dh today Hoping that puts a stop to it for you

ThePigletatwork · 11/04/2017 21:57

Perhaps he really did just fancy you but had no chat-up skills.
It's something that a 12 year-old boy would do.
Staring and pining.

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