Partner always does what he wants while I'm left with the baby

[Georgiemai7]

Im 23 and partner is 30. I'm currently on maternity leave, my partner is full time management. Every single day he comes home and I'm expected to make the dinner and wash it all up while still looking after the baby because he's 'entitled' to go play football or go to the pub or play on the Xbox, the list goes on! He says as he's buying us a house that I should just accept the situation as he's paid all the deposit (we currently rent)

I do all the cleaning and washing in the house in the day as I'm on Mat leave so I'd never expect to be sat down on my bum all day, baby is teething at the moment so is being quite difficult. I don't mind making the tee either! But am I being unreasonable to expect (or even want) a little help with the baby while I make his tee or even a bit of help with the washing up after?

I'm really really grateful that he's buying us a house and that he earns enough for us all until I go back to work in July and can contribute more.
I asked his to help look after baby tonight and he said 'I should have kept my legs crossed' he clearly then knew he stepped over the line and made it into a joke... saying I was being selfish for wanting him to help me after he's been working all day.

I feel like I'm beginning to crack i never get just 5 minutes to myself... I even take the baby to the bath with me because I know he'll just ignore her.

Am I being selfish?

[MieMoosMummy]

YANBU. Tell him to pull his finger out and be a dad. He is just as much responsible for your child as you are x

[moofolk]

Oooooooooooh this needs nipping in the bud.

He 'works' and brings money in. Great, but you work as well and much longer hours than him.
He is only able to work because you are looking after his child.

You are not being selfish. He is being a dick.

[honeylulu]

Don't buy a house with this man. He'll only get worse. He'll expect you to go back to work in July and do everything at home. I bet you have to pay childcare out of your wages too "because you should have kept your legs crossed".

[StewieGMum]

He's being a selfish asshole. And he's not going to change. You'll be doing all of this work whilst working outside the home in July. Owning your own home ( if he puts your name on the property) won't make up for working and doing all the childcare and housework.

That 'joke', that's him telling you who he really is - and it's obvious he's a shit.

[Fluffyears]

He gets to clock off from work so you should as well. Go on strike.

[ThePants999]

As a man in the same position as your partner, give him a fucking kick up the arse from me. You both work all day, and once he's home, things need to be shared equally, simple as. What he earns is utterly bloody irrelevant - unless he's contracted you for 24x7 childcare and is paying you for it, he's got no right to claim more free time than you.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Just out of interest, when he's saying he is buying you a house, does he actually mean that you will be on the deeds?

Oh he works? Does he think being home with a small baby and in sole charge for everything domestic is what, a holiday? You work while he works. When he's at home, childcare and household tasks should be shared and you should get equal leisure time - that's time to do what you want, not taking care of a baby.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Leave. You're 23. You've got your whole life ahead of you.

[eyespydreams]

Yes, will you be on the deeds of this wonderful house?

[SleepFreeZone]

Yep he is a prick. He is also a pretty crap father if he doesn't want to spend anytime with his child and doesn't care if his girlfriend is thoroughly miserable.

[Georgiemai7]

I was always a very strong headed woman before my daughter arrived (I'm management in the same company as partner but was there long before him)
But I just can't seam to get him to realise how unfair it is. I really don't mind being the main one to look after our daughter but I would kill for an hour or 2 for myself, just to paint my nails and have a nice quiet bubble bath again.... I didn't think he would be like this. I feel like my strong headed self has vanished and I'm very alone.

[ferriswheel]

My h was like that. I'm divorcing him. Leave. You have your whole life to look forward to.

[honeylulu]

Georgia, was the baby planned? It sounds a bit like he's punishing you for having her. Sorry if I've got that wrong.

[user1489261248]

I agree that yo need to nip this in the bud and start to stamp your feet a bit more.

So he does a 40 hour week, whilst you do a 168 hour week? Fck that. Problem is, most men think that women (when they become mothers,) just sit on their arse all day. SAHMs are always undervalued, and it does my head in.

Nothing will ever ever change, and he will only get worse. This is the attitude I would expect a man to have pre 1980's, not in 2017 FFS!

Talk to him now and stop being so fcking GRATEFUL that he is buying the house. You are raising HIS child. And get your name on the house deeds too. (Or get married!) Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a fall, because if you split, he can throw you (and baby) out!

[FanaticalFox]

Mortgage better be in joint names (mortgage and deeds must match) doesn't matter if you're not working right now especially if you'll be returning to work thats fine for a mortgage. Don't let him do it all just in his name he sounds like a dick and you'll have no security.

[Astro55]

I agree he needs to parent his child and if you're looking after him and the baby - who's looking after you?

If you cook he should wash up!

If you want a bath he should put the baby to bed and read a story

Or bath the baby while you cook he washes up while you put the baby to bed

In between he should help tidy of needed and throw the vac round or a load of washing in - it's not that time consuming but it zaps your energy when one person is sat on the sofa!

Ask him if you are on call 24/7 while he works 40 hours a week - you have no lunch break sick pay or holiday pay - would he like to swap?

NOW is the time to discuss what happens when you go back to work - if the baby is ill

• what housework he will be doing
  
• how he plans to look after the baby at the weekend
  
• weekend lie ins - one each
  
• and what ever else the issues are

[aquashiv]

OMFG this will only get worse unless you have one hell of a chat.

[DonaldStott]

I would be VERY concerned in your shoes OP.

Should have kept your legs crossed?? Cheeky bastard.

Did he tell you he didn't want a child?

[StillDrivingMeBonkers]

Mortgage better be in joint names (mortgage and deeds must match)

Rubbish - misinformation - you can be on the deeds without being on the mortgage

[SleepFreeZone]

Do you have family support?

[Georgiemai7]

He never used to be like this, and I never used to be so stupidly weak! It's probably my fault for letting him get away with it.

Yeah my names on the house as well. I've done all the paper work for the house and sorted all the solicitors out and what have you! Just with partners savings for deposit!
All my savings went on baby.

I love him like any partner would love her other half but recently I love him as well as despise him.

I just don't know how to make him understand!
At least I know I'm not being unreasonable!! Thank you everyone!

[coconutpie]

You're on maternity leave not being-a-slave leave. I would LTB because of that "you should have crossed your legs" comment. There's no going back from that. How fucking dare he. LTB and you'll have far less work to do because you won't be picking up after a selfish arsehole man child for the rest of your life.

[honeylulu]

The mortgage is the debt. Being on the deeds is the most important bit.

[coconutpie]

In the meantime, I would stop doing anything got him. No cooking his food, no cleaning his stuff up, no doing his laundry. If he expects someone to be his maid, he can go fucking hire one.

[Astro55]

Go on strike and let him do his own dinner and washing and have an afternoon off - tell him you're going out for the day and leave him too it