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To invite this child to dd's party?

(12 Posts)
lottieandmia Mon 10-Apr-17 15:32:49

I'm going to try not to ramble about this but my daughter's party was last week and my daughter has two particular friends - I'll call them Sophie and Lily (not from school) where Lily has historically been mean to Sophie (not involving my own dd though - she gets on with both of them). They are 7. Sophie's mum is a great friend of mine and also has been on the receiving end of some awful behaviour from Lily's mum. I don't like Lily's mum either but I have nothing to do with her.

My dd wanted to invite both Sophie and Lily and also children from school. I was not going to suggest inviting Lily but she asked several times and I felt that i should respect her wishes of who she wanted to invite.

I think my friend feels that I've been disloyal to her by inviting Lily. Lily's mum replied late the day before the party so I also hadn't warned my friend she would be there. I don't think she's going to end the friendship over it but I do feel bad because I think the world of this friend and she really is a lovely person. I also think that Sophie didn't enjoy the party as much as she would if Lily hadn't been there which is a shame. Luckily Lily's mum wasn't there!

If you had been in my position would you have invited Lily? As I say I do feel bad but I only invited her because my dd wanted her to come and it was her party after all. But I can see that perhaps I did the wrong thing.

krustykittens Mon 10-Apr-17 15:41:08

If your daughter has no problem with Lily and the girls get on, I don;t see how you can not invite her. Your friend may well be upset be she needs to cop on and realise that a) her problem with another mum is ot your daughter's business and b) she has no right to tell your daughter not to be friend's with a girl who has been horrible to her child. That is playground stuff and not something an adult should indulge in (if that is the way she is thinking). You are not being disloyal, you are just not getting involved with other people's arguments or dragging your daughter into them. I am sure your friend would have appreciated a heads up that they were going to be there though, and if you are such good friends, I'm not sure how it wasn't possible to tell her in time?

krustykittens Mon 10-Apr-17 15:41:53

Sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes!

UppityHumpty Mon 10-Apr-17 15:42:30

I personally think you should have told Sophie's mum to keep her fued separate from the kids. It's really sad that you're even questioning inviting one of your daughter's 7 year old friends because Lily's mum's an idiot.

offblackeggshell Mon 10-Apr-17 15:43:03

I think you did the right thing. Your DD is old enough to choose her own friends. The adults need to accept that.

SirVixofVixHall Mon 10-Apr-17 15:46:36

Yes I would have invited Lily, but I would also have told Sophie's Mum that I was , and why, and I would have offered that my dd do something alone with Sophie at a different time if Sophie felt scared of being with Lily. Seven is still very little, and if Lily's Mum is often unpleasant then that is where Lily is learning her behaviour from, so I would feel sorry for her. I would police them fairly closely though, and pick Lily up on any unkind behaviour. Very difficult position to be in OP, the politics of parties can get v tricky.

JustSpeakSense Mon 10-Apr-17 15:48:38

I agree, if your DD wanted both girls there, then inviting Lily was the right thing to do.

If Sophie's mum thinks it is reasonable to dictate who your DD has at her party then she is crazy.

I have been to events with dicks people I don't get on with, everyone just acts civil and gets on with it. It's a life skill learned from situations just like this.

loosingsanity Mon 10-Apr-17 15:49:46

You did the right thing OP. You looked pass the drama, and still invited Lily & her mum - as your daughter wanted her there. Sophie's mum needs to understand that it was not a party for adults, and although it's sad that Sophie didn't enjoy herself as much as she would have if Lily wasn't there - it was your daughters party and your daughters choice. Hopefully it doesn't affect your friendship, but if it does then Sophie's mum is being petty. We will have to deal with adults we don't like, and she shouldn't have taken the invite personally x

Batghee Mon 10-Apr-17 15:50:56

I think you did the right thing! I would hope that sophies mum can understand that it wasnt about your friendship with her but about who your daughter wanted at her party.

lottieandmia Mon 10-Apr-17 15:53:02

Yes I made a mistake in not telling her. I guess I thought that since it was only a 2 hour party everyone should put their feelings aside. What tends to happen is that Lily tries to dominate my dd's time and stop others playing with her. I did ask one of my older dd's to come and help supervise and make sure nobody was getting left out, which she did.

RainbowJack Mon 10-Apr-17 16:12:41

would you have invited Lily?

Yes. It has nothing to do with you or your daughter.

Sophies mum shouldn't have put you in that position.

lottieandmia Mon 10-Apr-17 16:15:27

I'm completely against micro managing friendships - i don't think it's any good for children and doesn't prepare them for later life.

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