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Friend and baby items, aibu/wwyd?

(32 Posts)
sailorcherries Mon 10-Apr-17 10:30:42

I had my DS almost 7 years ago and, being the first grandchild and great grandchild, had a lot of items gifted to us/we bought from new.

After DS outgrew them we stored everything in my parent's loft and, a few years ago, my parents decided to donate some of the items and sell the others second-hand (money was then put in to DS' bank for use when he is older). We managed to donate a lot of clothes to charity and sold things like the cotbed. In the end we had a pram, swinging crib, infant car seat, two older car seats and other bits and bobs left.

At Christmas 2015 a friend from university found herself unexpectedly pregnant after being told she couldn't have children (6 months gone). I let her know that I had these bits and bobs and she could use them if she wanted. She came and collected quite a lot of things including the pram, infant car seat, crib and some toys etc until she managed to get herself sorted.

I then met her a few months later with another friend and she mentioned having all the items in storage in her parents loft, was very thankful for them and it helped a lot. Her parents and PIL had bought a travel system etc that she was now using. She mentioned coming to visit and bringing the items back. That was around Easter 2016.

I'm now due in May this year. Since she found out there have been promises about coming to visit and bring the items to help out, as well as offering some of her own son's clothes as we've pretty much started from scratch again. Friend mentioned visiting at Christmas, February long weekend and then again during these holidays. It gets no further than "oh I'll see when I can get the car" and then nothing. I've offered to visit her but again "I'll see when I'm free" and nothing. I'm not going to see her just to get the items back it would be nice to catch up with her and see her little boy. I have even tried to arrange a coffee or cuppa out, just to see her, but I get the same results. However it would be nice to get the pram and infant car seat back as spares.

I'm starting to get really annoyed about the situation. The minute she needed help I offered and made arrangements, yet she's been fobbing me off for over a year. I feel like it's just all talk now and she doesn't even have the items. Aibu in getting annoyed? Wwyd? Do I just ignore her, move on and forget it? Do I keep pressing the matter?

At this point I'm not even sure about the friendship because she can't seem to be bothered making the effort to meet for a cuppa, never mind this.

Leeds2 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:35:39

Are you sure that she still has the items?

sailorcherries Mon 10-Apr-17 10:42:03

The thought has actually crossed my mind that she doesn't and thinks that by bringing them up every so often will suffice.
If she didn't I'd rather she just told me.

storminabuttercup Mon 10-Apr-17 10:45:01

Did you agree at the time that they were on loan? Do you think she got rid and is embarrassed as she didn't know you want them back?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Mon 10-Apr-17 10:47:06

I would give her notice of you coming to collect your items and ask her to arrange to have the items ready. If she doesn't want to meet you that's fine but make it clear you want your items back because you need them. Be assertive but polite.

londonrach Mon 10-Apr-17 10:49:20

I suspect the items have gone. Was it said at time it was a loan as you mention passing alot of charity and selling on so she might have been led to believe you had finished with the items. If shes a friend just gently ask out right. If the items have gone they gone sadly.

2014newme Mon 10-Apr-17 10:49:53

Just tell her when you are coming "I'll be coming on Sunday morning to get the (list of baby items) as I need them now. See you at 11am"

BeyondThePage Mon 10-Apr-17 10:50:46

just ask "do you still have x,y,z or did you get rid?"

and if she still has them, say I'm coming to get x,y,z is Tuesday ok? No? Wed? No? Thu? Give me a day I can come get my stuff please.

Or stew about it

Or forget it, restock yourself and move on.

sailorcherries Mon 10-Apr-17 10:51:47

storm she was the one that mentioned just borrowing them until she got sorted. She was then the one who mentioned giving them back. I've never actually asked it was more of a "oh congratulations, I still have the items and some of DS stuff, we can arrange a time to meet up and I'll bring them".
If she hadn't said I wouldn't have bothered but we've only went for one car seat etc as I assumed there would be this spare one.

tisme I would but she moved last year and I don't have her new address, the items are also at her parents house and not hers.

Sweets101 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:52:30

I'd ask her outright if she still has them or if there is a problem

EggysMom Mon 10-Apr-17 10:52:59

Yes, go for the direct approach of "I need them back, so I'll be collecting them on ..." and don't leave the conversation until you have a definite day/time.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:55:02

Turn up at 8 one morning. . .
Hi just passing, come to collect my items!!

Pigeonpost Mon 10-Apr-17 10:56:21

Yup, direct approach. Say you need them back this week. No faffing with coffee and catch up, you just want your stuff!

NightWanderer Mon 10-Apr-17 10:57:44

But the stuff is 7 years old, right? It's probably not in great condition now, so I'd just start over and if she wants to meet up for coffee then she'll contact you. I'd just assume the stuff is no longer available.

cansu Mon 10-Apr-17 10:59:25

If you really want them you must ask her straight out if she still has them. If she says yes then say I would like to come and collect them and name your day. I think though they may have been given away and she 'doesn't want to tell you.

HecateAntaia Mon 10-Apr-17 11:01:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeybee79 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:01:31

Be polite but firm and direct, assuming you made it clear in the first place that they were on loan and not for keeps! "Hi X, hope you're well. I really need my [items] back asap. Do you still have them? I'm free to come and collect them and have a cuppa on a/b/c. If none of those dates work for you then I will send a courier to pick them up on [ ] as I need to get this sorted now. Thanks."

sailorcherries Mon 10-Apr-17 11:02:50

The stuff is old yeah but it would only be used as spares, just in case. It was quite an expensive pram with carry cot and pushchair but only used for less than a year before being professionally cleaned and stored away. Friend didn't even use it for 3 months.
The csr seat was also only used for a few months and then possibly a month or two with friend. So in terms of wear and tear it should be okay.

Honeybee79 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:03:06

I would also say to her, "If you don't have them then please just tell me as I need to know!"

sailorcherries Mon 10-Apr-17 11:04:12

Yeah I think the direct approach is the best but I hate confrontation. Ah well!

Mulberry72 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:07:36

Definitely the direct approach, tell her when you are coming to collect your things and if she becomes flustered then ask her if she still has the stuff or has she given it away or sold it.

Wando1986 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:13:16

"Can you let me know when your parents will be in please? I need to come and collect my stuff as I am due at any point from now really. Things are tight and I need them, sorry if it's a hassle but I don't have a choice. We need them back"

Also due in May, OP! Early Summer babies ftw! smile

Spam88 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:14:15

Yep, going to have to be direct!

I thought car seats are only good for a few years though because the polystyrene in them degrades or something? Worth checking.

Oldraver Mon 10-Apr-17 11:22:11

A 7 year old car seat is to old to use. Storing it in a loft doesn't do it any good.

Get the pram back though

NightWanderer Mon 10-Apr-17 11:22:14

I don't think the car seat would be any good anyway. You are only supposed to use them within 6 years of manufacture and you shouldn't use second hand as you can't know the history.

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