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Am I being a tightwad or is this taking the piss?

(144 Posts)
thebarefootcarrottop Sun 09-Apr-17 23:35:13

So one of my closest friends got married a couple of months ago. She said they didn't have a massive budget which I have no problem with, of course! They decided to hire a big house and not get any catering or bar staff. Instead they bought the food and basically got the guests to all pitch in. All fine so far. But the wedding was a 3 day event (Is this a 'thing' now??!) and there was a different themed party on each day (with different themed outfits to have to buy for both me and my DH. Some of which we cobbled together but we did end up spending about £40 on the various bits we needed). The venue was 6 hours drive, so cost quite a lot in petrol there and back. And we were asked to bring our own drink. So for 3 days we spent about another £50 on wine. Then, and this is the bit which made me rather cross, there was a room set aside at the house for me and my DH. At a cost of £150 per night! So £450 for the 3 days! As this wasn't a hotel there was no breakfast included, rather we were required to bring what food we wanted to eat as well! Oh and then we were asked to buy something from their wedding list which was circulated beforehand. I'm usually quite generous but we opted for a cheaper item as it was costing us so much to attend. Basically, the cost of going to this wedding was over £700! I've just found out that hiring the venue cost her and her fiancé nothing! Because, she told another friend of ours, that they recouped the full cost of hiring the house through the money they collected from friends and family for the rooms!!!! In other words, the venue cost x amount and they just divided x by the number of bedrooms (about 15 in total) and charged all the couples who stayed 1/15th of the venue hire!!!!! I get that not everyone can afford the big do and that it can be quite fun getting friends and family to pitch in. I was happy to help with cooking and clearing up. But seriously, I just don't think it's OK to be this self indulgent (3 fecking days of celebrating their union!!!) and charging everyone else for the privilege. Anyway, it has made me really cross but none of our other friends seem to have issue with it so I'm worried I'm being a tightwad by complaining. I won't say anything to my friend as it's done now, and I know I could have declined the invite. But she's one of my oldest friends and when I agreed to take one the rooms at the house, I had no idea how much they were nor that this would be paying for their wedding! I feel really cross about it!

LakieLady Wed 12-Apr-17 18:07:02

Your friend is a mercenary cow, OP.

Last year, I went to the best wedding I've ever been to, and it was done on an absolute shoestring. One of the best bits was free: a colleague's horse is stabled just up the road from the reception venue, and she and a mate came down with their horses and did pony rides for all the kids. The village hall was next to a recreation ground with swings and stuff, one of the other parents did magic tricks and balloon puppets with the kids and loads of her friends with little ones clubbed together and hired a bouncy castle for the afternoon.

I can imagine all the children there being a bit disappointed by future weddings. It certainly set the bar very high.

Tiggerific1984 Wed 12-Apr-17 17:19:00

This is on the daily record as well.

DonaldStott Wed 12-Apr-17 14:59:00


expatinscotland Wed 12-Apr-17 14:53:09

And if she is outed, losing a 'friend' like this isn't a loss.

DonaldStott Wed 12-Apr-17 14:46:34

Just had to find this thread as I remember reading it the other day. Just wanted to let you know OP, it's just ended up in The Mirror online. Bloody lazy journalism. Hope you're not outed.

expatinscotland Wed 12-Apr-17 14:44:32

They are trying it on, Ewock, that's why the cost went up, the more people who pull out, the more they'll charge the remaining guests. I'd pull out now. 'We decided to stay elsewhere,' is the only thing you need to say.

PurpleMinionMummy Tue 11-Apr-17 20:39:32

It's not just the dailymail scouring mumsnet now....this is all over Facebook.

Ewock Tue 11-Apr-17 09:56:45

Sorry op realised I have hijacked your thread!!!

Ewock Tue 11-Apr-17 09:56:19

No hire charges on wedsit as you can hire different parts of the house etc.

Ewock Tue 11-Apr-17 09:55:08

My thoughts exactly. We are looking at places that are nearish. Will mean a taxi but if what I think is right then I would rather the money went on a taxi. At our wedding we paid for pretty much everything which included sit down meal and evening food (even had some left over so made sure guests took some home with them). We realised we couldnt afford a free bar so provided as much wine as we could afford and several barrels of beer, obviously some people drnk spirits etc but we made sure the bar wasnt ripping people off. And we researched local hotels and got decent discounts for anyone choosing to stay. I would never put my costs on to guests.

expatinscotland Mon 10-Apr-17 22:13:33

'Dh really wants to go to the wedding as it is a very close friend, I'm not so fussed as I do think they are trying to pull a fast one! '

Do you have to stay overnight? And if you do, then don't stay there. FUCK enabling them, though.

Theweasleytwins Mon 10-Apr-17 21:41:18

Send her a cheque...

Bitchycocktailwaitress Mon 10-Apr-17 21:33:33

Ewock they might even have the hire charges on their website. Please report back!

user1473602935 Mon 10-Apr-17 21:26:23

What a weird thing to do....and then to admit!! I would be fuming and I would say something

Ewock Mon 10-Apr-17 21:18:12

I have no idea how to highlight peoples names, but thanks for advice ladies. Dh really wants to go to the wedding as it is a very close friend, I'm not so fussed as I do think they are trying to pull a fast one!
Great idea to email re costs of venue I will do that and see what i can find out.
Find it so rude that anyone would think to do that and op to know this is what they have done would ruin the friendship for me I'm afraid.

Bananamama1213 Mon 10-Apr-17 20:08:13

Oh wow!!! I had my reception in my mums back garden! We brought the food and spent £300 on alcohol. People did bring their own and some brought some food (but we didn't ask them to). I could never do that!!!

Goldfishjane Mon 10-Apr-17 19:58:35

OP I reckon that so called friend made a profit from her wedding.

CalonGoch Mon 10-Apr-17 19:55:57

I would love to have been a fly on the wall for the 'themes' discussion. What kind of longlist did they have to narrow it down to 'purple' AND 'Great Gatsby' AND 'country squire'?!

or maybe they binge watched a whole series of Don't Tell the Bride

lottieandmia Mon 10-Apr-17 19:50:47

YANBU - why do weddings turn people into insufferable brats?

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast Mon 10-Apr-17 19:49:01

Invite her over for a girls night with sleepover, ask her to bring a main course for 4, and demand £100 for the accommodation and entertainment :-D, I'm sure she'll understand you have to cover your costs!

happypoobum Mon 10-Apr-17 19:42:43


However, if you had posted about this before you went, the Vipers would have been able to tell you that you were most likely paying a share of the venue hire and costs for bride and groom.

Chalk it up to experience but don't give that cow another tenner grin

expatinscotland Mon 10-Apr-17 19:30:47

Pull out now, Ewock. The price went up because you're paying for the wedding.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Mon 10-Apr-17 19:23:15

so they paid £600 as deposit for the house, guests paid £450 eacg for their rooms?!!!!!!.....god i wish i could reply to your friend! grin

people only get away with shit like this because nobody pulls them up on it - you're already dreading future invites from her! i can just imagine her plans for the Baby tsunami Shower grin

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Mon 10-Apr-17 19:04:32

you actually went? grin grin

my response to the invite would have been along the lines of "only if dh and i can renew our vows at the same time!"

Basically, the guests have paid almost 100% for their wedding costs! No doubt with enough left over for their honeymoon!

frieda909 Mon 10-Apr-17 18:42:30

Something sort of like this happened to a friend of mine recently, come to think of it. The bride had hired a whole big place for the weekend and sent my friend this long heartfelt message about how there was a room free and they'd love her to stay because she was one of their oldest friends and so on. Then she was told it would be something like £130 a night. My friend said that this was a bit out of her budget and that she might look for a nearby B&B. The bride got quite panicky and annoyed and said that actually, they needed someone to take the room as it was all paid for already! My friend ended up taking it but felt like she'd been forced to subsidise the wedding, and it hasn't done their friendship any favours.

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