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Male friend always complains about women. AIBU to end the friendship

(21 Posts)
user1491688158 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:23:14

I've been friends with him three years now. He's never been out of a relationship during that time. First relationship was 5 years (I met him shortly before that ended), then 1 year and now he's just started dating someone new. He has never been single for more than a few weeks and he doesn't seem to want to be.

He flaunts his relationships online and is forever declaring his love for whatever girlfriend he has but the main motivation to start the new relationship seems to be to make the previous girlfriend jealous.

When we are together his conversation alternates between putting his current girlfriend down and making jokes about them not being the one, to talking about all the women we know who he finds hot. He's a good friend, very loyal and always willing to help me with anything. He's been a friend when I've been in need and never does anything to me that I could ever be annoyed about. But this constant degrading of women in front of me and bad mouthing his latest girlfriend is really putting me off him. Ive told him if he really doesn't like whichever girlfriend he is dating he needs to end the relationship. I even for a while thought he might be gay but know he's not. Just immature. I don't think I can be friends with someone like that. He's disrespecting his girlfriends and disrespecting women he doesn't even know by rating their looks like that. Would it be unreasonable to end the friendship with someone who has been good to me over this? Do you think it's just immaturity and something I should over look? He's almost 30!

SafeToCross Sun 09-Apr-17 19:28:24

I think just don't engage with that kind of conversation, ask him directly 'why are you always negative about your current girlfriend to me, do you think it is funny, because I find it a really unpleasant aspect of your personality.' If he doesn't change, then distance.

VestalVirgin Sun 09-Apr-17 19:30:26

He's constantly annoying you! Why should you put up with that?

You have no obligation to stay friends with him. You already told him he's annoying you with this; he still does it. So your friendship can't be that important to him.

user1491688158 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:31:44

He seems to just do it constantly. It's got worse this last year. Constantly commenting on how hot every woman is that we pass. That's why I thought he was gay as it just seemed very put on and like he was trying way too hard. No one literally goes on about how fit every woman they see is.

But he has been a good friend in many ways.

He clearly isn't truly happy with his girlfriend or last girlfriends. I'm a friend so I guess he feels he can confide in me. But I feel really sorry for her and whoever he undoubtedly decides to date two weeks after he splits from her.

user1491688158 Sun 09-Apr-17 19:33:16

Deep down he's a decent person. And he's never done anything bad to me, I don't want to I it all contact over something he may grow out of. When he meets the one this will all be a distant memory. I wish he'd hurry up and meet someone who was genuinely right for him.

TheStoic Sun 09-Apr-17 19:33:50

People who constantly complain about anything are hard work.

Life is too short to spend with people like that.

VestalVirgin Sun 09-Apr-17 19:48:00

Why do you think he even wants to meet someone who is right for him? He seems to quite enjoy this complaining.

Cut down contact with him and only meet him in spaces where there's few women ... or few women he'd consider hot.

Perhaps you should take him to a gay bar. I mean, how do you know he isn't gay, deep down?

You seem quite confident that he's decent, after all, and he hides that very well, what with getting with women he dislikes and then breaking up with them and hurting them.

Xanadu44 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:16:25

I'd just be honest with him and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't drop him as a friend and it sounds like he's a good enough friend to you to be able to take it on the chin and respect your point of view on this. I think if you're honest with him then he will listen. (He can still complain and talk about women that way with his other friends, just not you!)

Bluntness100 Sun 09-Apr-17 20:20:34

Op, could he have a crush on you? I'd read this to think maybe he is trying to make you jealous by commenting on other women or in some way show he's not really serious about His girlfriends..

Trills Sun 09-Apr-17 20:22:43

I agree that life is too short to put up with people who complain about things constantly.

I assume you've tried changing the topic of conversation, and is has not worked.

Questioningeverything Sun 09-Apr-17 20:28:00

Yeah like bluntness I automatically assumed he has a crush on you and is desperate to make you jealous.
'The woman I'm with is awful' (available if you are...)
'Clare has a hot ass, oh and Jodie's looking amazing' (I notice how others look, don't you want to know what I think of you? Aren't you jealous I'm saying they're hot and haven't mentioned you...)

I'd ask outright. 'Do you fancy me or something? Cause you slag off your gf and go on about how other women are soooo good looking, it comes over like you're trying to make me jealous..'

Trills Sun 09-Apr-17 22:20:52

He might have a crush on you.

That is not in his favour.

He still sounds awful.

You don't want him to.

Trills Sun 09-Apr-17 22:21:06

He might have a crush on you.

That is not in his favour.

He still sounds awful.

You don't want him to.

gammaraystar Sun 09-Apr-17 22:34:36

He sounds like a right catch... not. Hardly surprising he can't keep a woman.

user1486669405 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:20:11

He's defo gay.

BitchPeas Mon 10-Apr-17 08:28:36

He's either gay or fancies you, maybe he's ramped it up so much over the years because you haven't reacted at all and he doesn't know what to do?

Megatherium Mon 10-Apr-17 08:35:44

Try having a serious conversation with him about how his conduct makes you think he could be gay, and how that really is not a problem. If he isn't, it'll probably be quite a shock to him. But if he is - which I must say looks pretty likely - he will probably deny it hotly at first but it will be a relief to him ultimately to help him acknowledge it.

specialsubject Mon 10-Apr-17 08:59:32

Even if he is interested in you, I'm sure you have higher standards!

He sounds really boring. Doesn't he have anything else to talk about?

Meekonsandwich Mon 10-Apr-17 10:05:06

I could be very wrong but I vote gay too,
I know gay guys who raced through hetero relationships to try and fix how they were feeling thinking if they found the right girl they wouldbe able to stay with her.
Then 10 years later left their wife for a man!

But who knows.
I'd say "yeah that's not attractive or nice, please stop"

user1471558436 Tue 11-Apr-17 06:14:43

I think you should take him out but prep him to have a heart to heart beforehand. Be honest. Explain you're really struggling with how he puts women down and rates them by looks constantly. It's very shallow. You need him to stop. Also you wonder if he's like this because he's gay.

Rainydayspending Tue 11-Apr-17 06:39:20

I don’t think he's either gay or fancies you. He sounds quite bitter and used to objectifying women. I'd step back from him as a friend.

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