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To wish she would just say what she wants (another MIL special)

(67 Posts)
DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 17:46:37

To an extent i know I'm being unreasonable.
I asked family (PIL, DH, DS) what they would like for breakfast. Standard full English items, but didn't want to cook too much or too little. MIL tells me that she can 'only manage eggs and toast '.
Now I've heard this before, and know its a lie. If i dish just that up for her, she'll complain we're having sausage and bacon and beans too, if i put it in a serving dish she'll take food she's not 'ordered' and it will inevitably be me going short.
I know the ridiculous expectations of women and food are still going strong, and they were particularly bad in the 50s and 60s when MIL was young, but AIBU to think that among family you could just bloody tell me what you would like. I couldn't care less if you have double what the rest of us have!

Janeofalltrades1 Sun 09-Apr-17 17:48:06

Don't think your being unreasonable. At all.

Janeofalltrades1 Sun 09-Apr-17 17:48:27


Janeofalltrades1 Sun 09-Apr-17 17:49:56

Sorry for the drip comments but maybe just cook up extra to avoid anyone going moody? If she ended up only touching eggs and toasts, someone else will clean it up. I know some people don't always want to go for a lot but when the smells come through, they grow hungry.

gleam Sun 09-Apr-17 17:50:40

If you got dh to cook it 'to order' on individual plates, would she moan then?

FinallyHere Sun 09-Apr-17 17:50:52

This would be an argument in favour of cooking enough for a full breakfast for everyone. I get that you want to avoid waste, but the ingredients are not mega expensive and you might feel more relaxed...

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 09-Apr-17 17:53:55

Cook her the egg and toast she asks for. Plate it up and give it to her. Plate up everyone else's Full English, including yours. Sit down to eat. Ignore MIL's cat's arse face and enjoy your breakfast.

Geekmama Sun 09-Apr-17 17:55:39

OP I understand your frustration but....... Can't you just cook extra? then you wouldn't have to get up to cook more. It seems that this is an ongoing issue, so surely you know how much she's likely to eat?

VladmirsPoutine Sun 09-Apr-17 18:01:09

Just make a bit extra. No need for the angst.

I often buy a 4 pack of diet coke that I keep in the fridge at work. I always offer my colleague a can and he always says no. When I say 'ok, it's there if you want it' he will always without fail drink it every single time.

Anyway, it's a bloody full English - I'm sure you don't make it everyday for the family so there's no harm in making more - someone will always get round to polishing it off. A few sausages, eggs, toast, bacon wouldn't last 10mins in our kitchen.

RedDogsBeg Sun 09-Apr-17 18:02:01

Do what MrsSchadenfreude says and if your MIL complains say "I cooked what you asked for." and next time (if there is a next time) when you ask her remind her that you will give her exactly what she asks for so is she sure that's all she wants?

Garnethair Sun 09-Apr-17 18:04:40

It is annoying. As annoying as 'oh I can't eat those great big plates of food that you do' (implying I'm a massive pig) 😀

HecateAntaia Sun 09-Apr-17 18:04:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 18:06:42

Jane, finally and geek that's what i did this morning. It irks a bit as I'm attempting to be better with food waste (i made a list of waste over a fortnight and shock)
schadenfreude that on one level would be most satisfying. She once cooked a dairy filled meal for me as i was 'just being fussy' while breast feeding a dairy allergic DS and having to avoid dairy myself. I went bloody hungry. BUT. Her hangups on food are awful. Eating in secret, fibbing about it and fat shaming anyone she can!
Before anyone accuses me of fat shaming, I'm bigger than she is, aware i have a problem and trying to work on it.

DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 18:08:11

Garne oh yes, she does this. It makes me tuck in with extra gusto

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 09-Apr-17 18:11:37

Give her what she asked for.

corruptcat Sun 09-Apr-17 18:11:54

I get this, I am constantly second guessing what my MIL is actually saying. "Your baby doesn't need a warm cardi on, it's quite warm isn't it?" Means " I think you should consider putting a Cardi on your baby"hmm

Jaxhog Sun 09-Apr-17 18:18:03

Take her literally and plate up each person's food. If she wants more, she can get it herself. She''ll learn to ask for what she really wants eventually.

DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 18:19:22

Testing i have done. There was much wingeing as fallout

BizzyFizzy Sun 09-Apr-17 18:19:50

If you already know what she wants, even if she doesn't order it, just supply it.

LagunaBubbles Sun 09-Apr-17 18:21:47

If you serve her what she asks what what happens when she takes other stuff?

HecateAntaia Sun 09-Apr-17 18:23:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohfourfoxache Sun 09-Apr-17 18:25:19

After pulling that stunt with the dairy she should count herself fucking lucky to be served any food at all imho

DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 18:27:26

Laguna this is where i struggle. Cook her the eggs as requested, she then takes sausage and bacon and as I'm cooking and serve myself last i loose out.
I cooked more this weekend and it worked out, but the fact that she can't relax and say that she'd like a proper fry up in front of family is just a bit sad.

nowahousewife Sun 09-Apr-17 18:28:18

I feel your pain OP. Have DM staying with us at present and she simply cannot give a straight answer to a question;

"would you like a cuppa?" "Only if you're having one." (I've never drunk tea in my life),
"Do you need me to leave the ironing board up for you?" "I've just go these pairs of trousers that are dry."
"Do you fancy going out for lunch?" "Oh, I'm easy."
Would you like to go to Windsor Castle?" "Oh, I don't mind."

FFS, just say yes or no!

Rant over.....

DuvetSofaTelly Sun 09-Apr-17 18:33:42

Now it's difficult. I'm headstrong and have the skin of a rhino. Really don't get the secret eating and can probably be over bearing if not careful. I do have sympathy for the time she grew up in but struggle with the associated bollocks.

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