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my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

(453 Posts)
crispandcheesesandwichplease Sun 09-Apr-17 14:51:12

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

HecateAntaia Sun 09-Apr-17 14:53:00

It's not what goes off in their heads that's the problem.

I wonder how successful going over to them and saying "that is a twelve year old child you are staring at" then walking straight off would be.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 09-Apr-17 14:53:58

I would come over and call him a peadophile trll him she's 12. Quite loudly too.

ZilphasHatpin Sun 09-Apr-17 14:55:00

Why didn't you ask him what he was staring at/if you could help him with something?

Cosmicglitterpug Sun 09-Apr-17 14:56:29

I'd have asked him loudly why was he looking at your daughter, pervy fucking creep.

Fairweather123 Sun 09-Apr-17 14:56:43

Next time, loudly say "Do you know us? or do you know my 12 year old daughter? coz you keep staring at her.

notanurse2017 Sun 09-Apr-17 14:58:52

You have to address this when it happens and you are there. I've had to do it with my DD. Awful we are living in a society like this.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 09-Apr-17 14:58:59

When my friends and I were in high school we'd often be whistled or called over by older African men (I'm mixed race and would often be subject to comments about my 'yellow' skin).

I just ignored or laughed it off. Decades later I feel rage about it. We were 12/13/14 FFS! This has continued into adulthood tbh but now I just walk on and think them pathetic.

I don't understand why certain men think this to be appropriate behaviour.

JaxingJump Sun 09-Apr-17 14:59:10

Are you sure he didn't keep looking at this strange woman who was giving him weird glares? I'd find it hard not to keep looking at you doing that to me if I saw you once. Unless you and DD were sitting miles apart?

BonnyScotland Sun 09-Apr-17 14:59:21

are you drawing attention with your Cougar Momma Watch of your 12 year old daughter ? is perhaps the occasional mere glance at your daughter being exaggerated into something more sinister...? just a thought x

DailyMailSucks Sun 09-Apr-17 15:05:23

Try using your mobile phone to take a photo of him, they do not like that.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Sun 09-Apr-17 15:07:10

I didn't say anything because my DD was oblivious to it and I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Jaxing me and my DD were sat about 12 feet apart.

To other PPs yes I have challenged people verbally in the past when my DD has been aware of the attention but as I said, today she was reading and oblivious to it.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Sun 09-Apr-17 15:08:08

DailyMail that's a brilliant idea, I will do that next time!

VestalVirgin Sun 09-Apr-17 15:15:00

It's difficult, because you can't prove it. I believe you, but as that comment by Jaxing proves, there are people who will disbelieve you out of principle.

Taking a photo is probably the best idea. Both to have proof and to deter the men.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 09-Apr-17 15:25:19

The photo is an interesting idea but all you will have is a picture of someone.

Also what will you do if/when they confront you about the picture?

Paninotogo Sun 09-Apr-17 15:26:29

she doesn't wear makeup or skimpy clothes what do you mean by this comment please?

Nomoreworkathome Sun 09-Apr-17 15:28:18

Taking a photo would be a really passives aggressive thing to do and really wouldn't help in a situation like this. It could potentially wind up a situation. Someone has mentioned proof..... proof of what exactly? Likewise verbally challenging someone will probably be difficult and embarrassing for your daughter.
I'm not sure what the best course of action would be. Your DD wasn't aware. I would be inclined to ignore it.

PhilODox Sun 09-Apr-17 15:28:50

Meaning she wasn't dressed like an older teen, just like an ordinary 12yo. I.e. it was obvious she is very young.

TinklyLittleLaugh Sun 09-Apr-17 15:28:52

If they confront you about the poster you tell them that their leching at your daughter was making you uneasy and you are intending to go the local police station to check out whether they are a paedophile or not.

Should be a deterrent if nothing else.

Nomoreworkathome Sun 09-Apr-17 15:29:38

Oh for goodness sake Pani you know exactly what the OP means

TinklyLittleLaugh Sun 09-Apr-17 15:30:16

About the photo

I have two student age daughters and remember this scenario very well.

Papafran Sun 09-Apr-17 15:31:26

she doesn't wear makeup or skimpy clothes what do you mean by this comment please?

I don't think we need to go down this route really, do we? It's in no way an excuse for men leering, but if you wear skimpy clothes and makeup as a female, you are more likely to get men leering and making comments than you are if you wear tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt. Also, makeup might make a man think a girl is older than she is.
Anyway, as I said, I don't think it's helpful to go down this route. I don't think the OP is victim-blaming by pointing this out.

JaxingJump Sun 09-Apr-17 15:31:37

I'm not disbelieving out of principle. Just clarifying as I've found it difficult in the past not to keep checking back at some weird woman who kept glaring at me for some unknown reason, it's very hard not to. If they were near each other as could be assumed they were (turns out they weren't, OP clarified) the first glance would have been no big deal but the OP might have started a glare-off that he kept looking back at!

But considering the distance between them I think it is likely the man was off.

crispandcheesesandwichplease Sun 09-Apr-17 15:31:58

ffs Pan, I was pointing out that she wasn't presenting in a way that could suggest she was older than she is, that she is clearly a child. Some people just can't help themselves when it comes to snidey comments. I posted on here for support on an issue that troubles many girls/women, in case that wasn't clear to you.

JaxingJump Sun 09-Apr-17 15:32:15

Leering is never ok.

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