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Double standards

(6 Posts)
Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 09-Apr-17 13:13:02

In thinking it's a bit double standards when: pregnant /new dm ask for help with dc and are told they shouldn't have dc if they need help /family aren't obliged to provide help /childcare etc
But when dm /pil 'offer' unwanted visits /help /assistance etc the new dm is told to make sure nobody is favoured /left out /made to feel unwelcome /unappreciated etc.
In the first scenario dm are told to suck it up but in the second they are expected to bend over backwards for 'the family' no suck it up to the family at all!!
Rant over. .

araiwa Sun 09-Apr-17 13:45:52


UppityHumpty Sun 09-Apr-17 13:51:29

it really depends on if it's just the new mum or if she has a partner too. If she has a partner then OF COURSE they should try to manage as a unit as much as possible in the first month. The partner would have had 9 months to prepare for parenthood & so should be able to sort out holiday/paternity for the first month.

And yes contact between both sides, unless one side is actively dangerous, should be encouraged. Contact is for the grandkids and shouldn't be used by people to punish worthy or unworthy grandparents.

ZilphasHatpin Sun 09-Apr-17 13:53:22

This all happened on the same thread? And it was the same people saying both things was it?

5moreminutes Sun 09-Apr-17 13:56:31

I do know what you are talking about wish

It depends when you post or who jumps into a thread, but it's fairly common for a pack mentalitity on a thread about new mothers to take a very sanctimonious tone, with posters reminding a mother frequently that her baby doesn't belong to her and she should be grateful anyone else is interested, accommodate visitors, share the baby, make sure she attends dinners and parties which break the baby's routine because the world doesn't revolve around her etc.

Equally any thread where a mother bemoans lack of help from relatives, especially grandparents, will inevitably draw out numerous posters who wish to remind parents that nobody is under any obligation to babysit or help in any other way.

Sometimes, depending which threads you happen to click on, you can get the impression that their is a "sick it up" pack mentalitity and that there are some vocal posters who are so eager not to let MN look like the Mummy Mafia that they seize every opportunity to remind everyone that having a baby means that you have to do all drudge work yourself but hand your progeny over to extended family or put yourself out to host them out of grovelling gratitude if they deign to show an interest...

Suck it up and be grateful is possibly the mantra of some MumsNet threads sometimes...

5moreminutes Sun 09-Apr-17 13:58:27

*Suck it up not sick it up shockblush though sick it up could be appropriate... grin

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