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(8 Posts)
TotalDissaray Sun 09-Apr-17 01:07:47

I'd wrote a huge long possibly identifying post but i don't know what has happened...I've had wine mind, but it's gone so short story is... I think my husband has either lost his sexdrive, doesn't find me attractive or is just too bloody lazy sad.
Basically he gets extremely excited if I'm near him or we're 'together' but he rarely inishiates anything!!! What do i do!?
I don't want to feel I'm the instigator forever..... And i will not...I'd rather leave than feel like that ..
Any perspectives more than welcome...blush

LadyB49 Sun 09-Apr-17 01:11:22

How long do you think he'd let it go if you don't instigate. ?

peachgreen Sun 09-Apr-17 01:12:31

Google 'responsive desire'.

Asmoto Sun 09-Apr-17 01:13:53

If he's excited when you're near him and when you're 'in the act' he obviously still finds you attractive grin.

Have you always been the instigator in your sex life, or is this something more recent? What else is going on in his life at the moment - any reason why he might be tired or stressed and not in the mood (without a prompt)?

TotalDissaray Sun 09-Apr-17 01:24:51

To be honest I've always been more highly sexed but he says it's because he feels he gets excited so quickly which I've assured him i don't find it a problem ..More of a turn on and then we 'go again' but i wish he would just 'take me' sometimes..
I have googled responsive desire and it does make sense but not in what i am saying...I want him to want it before the idea starts iyswim.
Another factor is he is 11 years older than me so may be slowing down but surely he should still want it ??

peachgreen Sun 09-Apr-17 01:28:12

Yes but it sounds like he has a responsive liberal do. That's why I recommended you google it.

peachgreen Sun 09-Apr-17 01:28:33

Haha, libido! Sorry, autocorrect fail there.

Asmoto Sun 09-Apr-17 01:40:47

What age does 11 years older take him to? He might just be generally more tired with age. Have you talked to him about the issue?

If you often have sex twice in succession (if I've read your post correctly) I don't think his desire for you can be in question. Perhaps he needs to feel 'sought' before he can get an erection - could it be a confidence issue on his behalf perhaps?

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