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Nephew- more of a WWYD

(5 Posts)
jacks11 Sat 08-Apr-17 18:53:28

I have a difficult relationship with my brother and pretty much avoid contact. However, I agreed to babysit my nephew (6, nearly 7) the last few days because of a family emergency on SIL's side and they needed urgent help.

Anyway, I have long though my nephew is dyspraxic (I'm a HCP, so this isn't from a google search, my friend who is an OT has also seen DN and agrees). This is impacting on him in many ways and from what I have seen these last few days he is very aware of the fact he is not managing like his peers. He is also very quick to give up as he says "I can't do it". I know that with some assistance from OT he could really be helped. At present it hasn't been identified whether he is right or left handed, so e writes (badly) with both and he can barely use a fork and knife- but with some help over the last few days he has made some progress.

I have mentioned it in the past but SIL got very angry as she views things like this as being told her son is "not normal" and "nobody tells me how to bring up my child". An attitude which led to a very late diagnosis of mental health and behavioural problems in her older DS, which have become very profound in part due to delay in diagnosis and lack of engagement with treatment plans and so on. DB sees it as some form of negative comparison with my DC, which it isn't. I'd want my DC to get the help needed if there was a similar problem.

I know from what DB has told our mum that the school have sort of hinted at a problem but not really pushed things. The school has lots of issues, including staff retention problems, so I don't know if this is because they aren't very concerned or if they just have bigger problems.

My WWYD is this- would you bring it up again, given the reaction I got last time? I don't want to make them dig their heels in even more if the school bring it up, but on the other hand if the school are not picking up on the problem I would like my nephew to get help, if that is deemed appropriate.

Earlybird Sat 08-Apr-17 19:04:35

Don't bring it up.
You've tried and got nowhere.
It will only strain the relationship more.
Just enjoy your time with the little boy.
The school will hopefully address it with your brother and SIL.

UppityHumpty Sat 08-Apr-17 19:09:21

I have severe dyspraxia and severe dyslexia. Unfortunately for me I also have a really high IQ and so was able to mask my condition - conventional learning methods worked eventually (or I found tricks to help me cope). If he keeps trying, keeps determined, he'll learn - you shouldn't shelter him and you shouldn't accept 'I can't' - he can but he just has to figure out a different way that works for him. For example I find it easier to hold my fork in my right hand outwards like a spoon. I also find rock climbing really useful - helps me with movement.

TheRealPooTroll Sat 08-Apr-17 19:13:06

When you say you've mentioned it in the past how have you brought it up? I think these things need to be done quite sensitively and from someone close to be well received. It doesn't sound like you are close tbh so it may easily seem like a dig rather than concern.
Is your MIL also concerned? Does she have a better relationship with your db and sil?

jacks11 Sat 08-Apr-17 21:14:41

My mum is concerned, maybe I can ask her to bring it up.

I did it as sensitively as possible- my mum was there and she didn't think I had been heavy handed or rude.

I suppose I will just leave it, it's only likely to cause more conflict in an already fraught relationship. I hope DN's school have picked it up and will move things forward.

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