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My mum won't see my son

(92 Posts)
rainbowsockstoday Sat 08-Apr-17 17:25:16

This is more a question of Is My Mum Being Unreasonable rather than me. My son has been ill this week and in and out of hospital. Usually my mum sees him once a week and obviously she hasn't this week because he has been glued to my side. He's not contagious (I've slept in his bed all week) but my mum has a weak immune system so I've made sure none of us go near her just in case. However she has decided that it's me who has made him ill and that she's noticed he is worse now I am back at work. She's said she won't see us again now till I stop breastfeeding and filling him with germs. I've explained that bf isn't making him ill buts she's very against me feeding him (he's 2) and has now said that we are banned till I stop this "disgusting habit" that's making him and her ill. She was diagnosed with vertigo this week and blames my son because he's ill too. He has a water infection!

Is she wrong? Should I do what she says? Bf is the only thing that has kept him going this week as he's too poorly to eat.

PotteringAlong Sat 08-Apr-17 17:31:31

She's a loon.

bookwormnerd Sat 08-Apr-17 17:36:26

She is very wrong. Breast feeding will only increase his immune system. You body will create the white blood cells needed to beat the infection, breast milk changes in order to up the immune system and your body can help spot things toddler is coming down with when they are breast feeding. That doesnt stop when toddlers get older. I breast fed both mine till 2 when they self weened. I think some people are very ill educated about breast feeding benefits especially with older toddlers. Carry on and give your mum literature just to show how wrong she is

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 08-Apr-17 17:39:45

Please don't stop feeding and comforting your little boy.
Does your DM suffer from anxiety, perhaps ?
Just carry on being a great Mum.

dangermouseisace Sat 08-Apr-17 17:41:16

of course you shouldn't do what she says, unless you want to.

She is completely wrong, tell her to have a quick google on the internet to educate herself about breastfeeding, and while she's at it, how infections/vertigo come about. Does she have mental health problems? (seriously)

Calphurnia Sat 08-Apr-17 17:42:34

Well, she's the opposite of correct in her assertion that bf is filling him with germs.

How would she respond to some actual facts about the benefits? Could you send her some links or just better off leaving it?

rainbowsockstoday Sat 08-Apr-17 17:48:39

I've tried before to explain to her the benefits and reasons I have for bf and she said I need to "face reality and stop (expletive) researching" 😳

She thinks I'm making her out to be a bad mother because she combi fed me and my sister and didn't feed my brother at all. She thinks I'm making a point that I'm better than her when In fact I only needed to feed for six weeks. She's apparently asked her friend who is a midwife and they said there's no benefit after six weeks. I differed and she's having a go today saying "if it was that good why isn't he better already" but he's also been on a week of antibiotics and isn't better yet either so it's not my fault!

rainbowsockstoday Sat 08-Apr-17 17:49:28

Oh I work in a secondary school by the way so there are germs about (and not all pre teens wash their hands after coughing/sneezing)

harderandharder2breathe Sat 08-Apr-17 17:50:09

She's batshit

Carry on doing your best for your son, feeding him and comforting him as he needs. He's ill because children get ill, not because of anything youve done or not done.

Hope he's on the mend soon flowers

LagunaBubbles Sat 08-Apr-17 17:53:15

I'm surprised you even need to ask, is she normally so crazy about stuff, and if so why do you listen to her?

Calphurnia Sat 08-Apr-17 17:54:00

Oh dear. Has she got health anxiety? Or super sensitive because of her condition, & has got fixated on you bf?

Surely research IS facing reality??

If you were to stop, & DS got sick, like children do (!), Would she see him then, or would she avoid til he was better?

dangermouseisace Sat 08-Apr-17 17:56:44

She is being a bit narcissistic here- since when did your method of feeding your son become all about her? That takes some bending of reality to get to that point!

Atenco Sat 08-Apr-17 18:00:15

She's apparently asked her friend who is a midwife and they said there's no benefit after six weeks

Well thirty years ago they said there was no benefit after six months but now the WHO say you should breastfeed until they are two. So what century was the midwife born in?

HiggeldyPiggeldy Sat 08-Apr-17 18:02:32

sounds to me like she is not comfortable with you bf a two year old and is using this as a way to make you stop, smile, nod and say ok if thats what you want to do mum, I will let you know when I stop.

Hope your ds is getting better, water infections are miserable

Guavaf1sh Sat 08-Apr-17 18:09:26

I'm not sure her midwife comment was accurate neither- she probably made that up randomly to strengthen her point. You are not the unreasonable one

Bettercallsaul1 Sat 08-Apr-17 18:09:29

This is a case of older, but definitely not wiser, OP! Pay no attention to your mother's ignorant "theories" and continue to do what you know to be best.

Just ignore her remarks about breastfeeding - stay calm and change the subject. Just wait until she is willing to see your son again without arguing with her or trying to persuade her into it. If she refuses to see your son, that will be her loss - as she will very soon learn - and she will change her tune.

Solo Sat 08-Apr-17 18:09:50

Tut! What utter crap! I breastfed my Dd whilst I had Norovirus! She did not catch it!

AcrossthePond55 Sat 08-Apr-17 18:12:24

You do what's right for you and your son.

Tell your mother "As you wish" and leave it there. Refuse to discuss it. If she complains about not seeing DS, simply say "It's your choice" and change the subject.

Don't bother to try to 'educate' her or reason with her.

EspressoPatronum Sat 08-Apr-17 18:14:01

I can believe it guava I was told something very similar by a consultant when ds was a few months old and we were trying to have his tongue tie sorted! 🙄

Nanny0gg Sat 08-Apr-17 18:15:01

I wouldn't be in a rush to see her once he's better either.

QueenArseClangers Sat 08-Apr-17 18:17:46

Well she sounds a right dick.
Totally agree with NannyOgg.

OlennasWimple Sat 08-Apr-17 18:19:58

Sounds like she is massively projecting her feelings about how she fed her DC onto you, TBH.

rainbowsockstoday Sat 08-Apr-17 18:25:55

In all honesty he was losing interest and as we are ttc I was opting for the don't offer/don't refuse approach. He dropped a few feeds and it became irregular till a week ago when he got ill. I partially blame the fact we weren't feeding properly on him getting ill because I felt guilty about not keeping him going. Since he's been on antibiotics that's haven't done anything except give him a rash I do t feel as guilty because it's obviously something beyond quick help.

I actually never planned to feed for this long and almost gave up night two! It just sort of happened and I have found it a lazy way of parenting. He's only been ill once before about 15mths ago and that was tonsillitis that cleared up in 24hrs with feeding constantly and penicillin

fannydaggerz Sat 08-Apr-17 18:29:15

Vertigo is a problem with the fluid level in the inner ear that causes balance.

Tell your mum to stop being ridiculous. Do not stop feeding your son because your mum is being a dick.

highinthesky Sat 08-Apr-17 18:29:18

Filling him with germs?! Disgusting habit?! PMSL!

But I can understand your mum's anxiety if she's genuinely immunocompromised and easily influenced by this midwife friend of hers. Toddlers do pick up a variety of bugs, and being exposed to hospital won't have helped...but that's nothing to do with breast milk.

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