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to think my friend should tell her fiance?

(49 Posts)
CharliesSister Sat 08-Apr-17 16:08:05

My friend has been with her DP for 3 years, they're getting married in the summer.
They met online yet their "first meet" story is much cuter; they'd been chatting for a couple of weeks online when my Friend's (let's call her Sarah) car broke down in front of the pub her Fiance (*Eric) was working.
It was fairly late, so she went into the pub to get a drink and wait for the AA. Unbeknownst to her, Eric was working behind the bar and served her. As they'd never met in person before, they didn't immediately recognise one another. She was there for several hours and they chatted the whole time, getting on like a house on fire. It wasn't long that they realised that they already "knew" one another. Obviously they're together now, blissfully happy. It all seemed like a dream come true and that fate had broken down Sarah's car that night, right next to Eric.

HOWEVER, I've just found out from Sarah that this wasn't actually the lovely coincidence it seems. She actually knew that Eric worked at that pub and, wanting to meet him without any pressure, went in there under the pretence of her car having broken down.

Sarah's absolutely lovely, not manipulative or sneaky at all, but pretty shy; she says that she really liked him but wanted to meet without first date pressure, as she'd had a few really nasty first date experiences (one guy was really quite abusive).

Eric has absolutely no idea.

Now I'm fully aware this is between them, and it's really none of my business - and I'm not going to make it my business! However, I can't actually figure out whether SIBU by keeping this a secret or not. Eric, as far as I'm aware, has never spoken about their first meet and he absolutely adores her.

Chillyegg Sat 08-Apr-17 16:09:39

Id literally bot lose any sleep over this.....ita such a massive non issue......

Bobbins43 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:10:42

I don't think it's your place to say anything here.

Crisscrosscranky Sat 08-Apr-17 16:11:22

Unless you are actually Sarah I don't know why you'd care. confused

Are you 'Sarah'?

SleepFreeZone Sat 08-Apr-17 16:11:28

It's weird that you care.

CookieLady Sat 08-Apr-17 16:12:12

Why is this any of your business? If they are happy leave them to it.

finnmcool Sat 08-Apr-17 16:12:32

Just no. It's got nothing to do with you.

CharliesSister Sat 08-Apr-17 16:12:35

No, I'm liable to die alone with many cats at this rate, not on the brink of getting married unfortunately.
Sarah's getting her knickers in a bit of a twist about it though.

kierenthecommunity Sat 08-Apr-17 16:13:23

I'm cringing here, at this being ideal Daily Mail fodder and 'Sarah' being outed

gamerchick Sat 08-Apr-17 16:14:13

I really wouldn't give this any headspace. Even if you are 'Sarah'. It's such a none thing.

Fruitcocktail6 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:14:48

I think it's really cute, I don't see the problem?

BeaderBird Sat 08-Apr-17 16:15:34

Why are you even thinking about this.YABU in being concerned. She could tell him and she could continue to keep it a secret. She certainly shouldn't feel bound to. God, I thought she was having an affair with his Dad or something!

CharliesSister Sat 08-Apr-17 16:15:42

Well I guess its reassuring that its seen as a non-issue.
(This won't out them btw, enough details have been changed for their privacy)

TheFifthKey Sat 08-Apr-17 16:15:50

I presume he's not a complete idiot? Surely he'd suspect something, but maybe he felt the same about a first date and went along with the story because it's a cute tale to tell, while being glad it took the pressure off their first meeting?

VladmirsPoutine Sat 08-Apr-17 16:16:05

It really doesn't matter but then 99% of AIBUs don't either maybe one day she'll tell him and he'll start a thread in Relationships.

gamerchick Sat 08-Apr-17 16:16:07

If it makes her feel better to 'confess' then tell her to get on with it. I doubt that it'll be such a betrayal that he'll dump her. It's a none event.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 08-Apr-17 16:16:21

This is seriously identifying for anyone that knows them.

frieda909 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:21:09

If she's tying herself in knots about it then I think she needs to tell him. It's really not a big deal, though, if you ask me - I think he should know but I don't think he's exactly going to cancel the wedding over it!

I actually did something sort of similar once blush There was a guy I'd liked for ages. We'd been on/off in our late teens and then lost touch, but I couldn't stop thinking about him so years later I kind of engineered a situation for us to 'happen' to meet again. It didn't work out anyway in the end and we just had one date, so I never had to get to the point that Sarah's at. But right from the start I was worrying about it, thinking that if things ever got serious I'd have to tell him about all my scheming confused

CharliesSister Sat 08-Apr-17 16:23:47

We were out for drinks last night and it all came up, she did seem pretty upset.

Mulberry72 Sat 08-Apr-17 16:26:43

Keep out of it, it's her story to tell not yours!

OlennasWimple Sat 08-Apr-17 16:28:21

What would anyone gain by Sarah telling Eric the truth at this point?

RitzyMcFee Sat 08-Apr-17 16:28:59

If she was my friend and it was bothering her I'd tell her to tell him.

IloveBanff Sat 08-Apr-17 16:33:22

I can't fathom why she's upset. No harm has been done to anyone and they're both happy. If she's that bothered she can tell him. confused

BonnyScotland Sat 08-Apr-17 16:34:25

you described the lovely Sarah as being Shy ... and knowing she really liked Eric.. after talking to him online for so long.. I'm glad she took the initiative and sought out this relationship... you should leave well alone....

Good Luck to them both x

krustykittens Sat 08-Apr-17 16:38:20

If it is really upsetting her, then she should tell him. It's not a big deal at all and he is not going to mind. So it wasn't a coincidence, she wanted to make sure he was a nice person before she met him - who wouldn't understand that, especially as she is shy and has some previous bad experiences?

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