AIBU to expect my mum to support me?

[PastysPrincess]

I told my mum I had an interview for a promotion at work. It would be a massive step up for me responsibility wise and would carry an £8k pay rise. I'm chuffed to have even gotten an interview but the best my mum can come up with is

"could be they're just covering their butts cos you're the only female candidate?"

AIBU to expect my mum to be more supportive than that?

[BoomBoomsCousin]

YANBU. Congratulations on the interview - hope you ace it!

[upperlimit]

I don't know. If she is normally supportive then YANBU to expect her to be supportive. But if she is always such a bitch then you need to expect her to be a bitch and not require her approval or support.

And it really sucks if it's the latter, I know. But no amount of doing well or being good will change who she is.

[MyOtherNameIsTaken]

Sounds like my mother. She sees it as not building your hopes up grinding your child's self esteem into the ground so she could then say "well they were only ever going to promote a man"

YANBU and I hope that you ace it!

[PastysPrincess]

Thankyou! I'm trying not to let my mums comments take the shine off it.

[upperlimit]

And congratulations on the interview. Best of luck!!

[LadyPW]

YABU purely because some mothers (mine included) seem to find it impossible to be supportive. But a decent mother would have been chuffed to bits. Fingers crossed.

[PastysPrincess]

@upperlimit you raise a good point about learning not to need her approval. I often finish conversations with her thinking"I don't know why I bother anymore"

[Silverdream]

Some people are just programmed to be negative positive stuff just gets stuck in their throats and won't come out.
Well done and good luck.

[PastysPrincess]

I feel like now I don't want to share it with her. I'm not looking for a parade or anything, just a simple well done and good luck like you all have done. Another sibling has completed their doctorate this week so obviously we are all really happy for him. She has managed to congratulate him but not me

[DevelopingDetritus]

I'd distance myself from her I really would.
Well done you!

[PastysPrincess]

@DevelopingDetritus thankfully she lives in another country so I only ever have to listen to her criticism over the phone

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Stop telling her things if the way she reacts is likely to upset her. Stick to bland things. In fairness finishing a doctorate is a bigger deal than getting an interview.

Good luck!

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

Oooh congratulations and good luck with the interview!

Shame your mum can't be more supportive. But as others have said - rely less on her, for whatever reason she can't/won't give you that. You've always got us for and !

[PastysPrincess]

Totally agree, the doctorate is a much bigger deal. I'm not trying to compare the two; just noting that she can be congratulatory, just not to me.

[DevelopingDetritus]

thankfully she lives in another country so I only ever have to listen to her criticism over the phone wink This is a good thing for sure. Honestly, cut the contact down even by phone. I agree with the other posters that mentioned about stop telling her things or looking for her to support you, cause it aint gonna happen by the looks of it. Gravitate to your cheerleaders in life, not the naysayers. Best wishes to you.

[willconcern]

Sounds a bit like my mum. She doesn'the believe I can do things. She keeps telling me I was overpaid in my last job. I was made redundant last year, I haven't told her my plan to set up my own business because she can'take understand why I don't just carry on doing the same thing & find another office job. She'll just tell me not to take a risk and all the problems I might face, instead of saying 'well done, great idea".

[PastysPrincess]

@willconcern I hope things work out for your new business, how exciting.

@DevelopingDetritus you are correct, I need to concentrate on thise who do support me. My DH is thrilled for me.

I don't think I will tell her anything else. If I get it, she wont see it as something ive earned and if I dont get it she will heap on the criticism of everything I probably did wrong.

[willconcern]

Thank you 😀

I am not telling my mother anything until it's sorted. MY DH & frIends are very supportive & i've started networking.

Good luck OP. The most important thing is to believe in yourself! You don'the need the negative energy coming from the criticism. 😊

[PastysPrincess]

I think I'm beginning to understand why my parents are divorced

[PastysPrincess]

I have just spoken to the recruiting manager about possible dates and she also wanted to give me positive feedback that my CV scored very highly and she was looking forward to the interview.

[littleshoutymouse]

This sounds like something my DM would say! She lacks a certain... social awareness at times. Recent corker: (on fretting I hadn't heard back from my boss re. a promotion: "Its possible darling that he just doesn't think you will be capable and is trying to find the best way to tell you". Cheers mum)

I choose to just roll my eyes to myself and try not to let it get to me, as generally mine doesn't mean to be nasty, I think she just suffers from foot in mouth/being too honest syndrome.

[kathkim]

Your mum sounds like a Debbie Downer. You know the truth, so don't let her suck the joy out of your life.

[gleam]

That's one comment. What were you saying before that?
I can imagine that if you kept saying 'I don't know why I've got this interview' etc, she might respond with that.

I'm suggesting this because it seems like an odd response, otherwise.

[shovetheholly]

I think some mothers treat sons and daughters differently. Part of a slightly strange Freudian dynamic, if you ask me, where a son is kept closer than a daughter, and almost kept back in his adult development. (It sometimes comes back to bite, hard, when a DIL is in the frame and things are on a rather healthier footing).

Of course your mother should be more supportive and congratulatory. It's this expectation-limiting behaviour towards girls and a 'go get em, tiger' attitude towards boys that contributes to women not putting themselves forward as often or as forcefully as they should.

[PastysPrincess]

@gleam it was quite the opposite, I wasn't putting myself down. I was saying I wish I knew what 'normal' was in terms of quality/delivery of work because I tend to be a perfectionist (I wonder why?)