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To not want daughter to stop at ex's

(7 Posts)
calistamommy Sat 08-Apr-17 06:27:42

Me and ex split up 4wks ago he moved out a wk ago leaving me to care for our children 8yrs old and 11 wks as he countable the pressure of family life. I was (am) heartbroken and angry. He got aggressive with a family member and police had to be called. Anyway I'm trying my best to remain civil and and have not stopped him seeing/talking to our 8yr old, he's not bothered about the baby he can't cope. He's moved into a room in a house shears with 3/4 other men obviously not known to him. He's now on about having our daughter over night, she'd be sharing his bed (which whilst not ideal is not a problem) I do have a problem with it being a house share thigh with other men in the house & a shared bathroom. If he had a flat of his own I wouldn't have a problem it's solely the fact there's other men in the house who I dint know. My daughter is already scared of her dad as he is quite aggressive and very vicious towards me verbally. Aibu not to feel comfortable with this ?

tralaaa Sat 08-Apr-17 06:32:19

No don't let her stay the night. Your right you don't know these other people and nor does he, let him see her but bring her home in the evening. Just explain that your not comfortable with it. My close friend was told by her HV that her children were not to stay with their dad in a shared house.

Barrytheunicorn Sat 08-Apr-17 06:39:09

Yanbu
But being reasonable won't get you anywhere.
You need to go down a legal mediation route (free depending on income) or tell him to go through court for access.

Messy break ups rarely result in civil child arrangements initially.
If your dd is with her dad and he refuses to hand her back to you because he wants to keep her overnight you will be powerless to stop this as there is no order specifying otherwise.
So you cannot for example ask the police to bring her home as they won't be able to do long as she is safe.

If you go through court a cafcass officer will risk assess the situation and take your daughters feelings into consideration which is more likely to result in a no overnights order if your daughter is adamant she doesn't want that.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 08-Apr-17 06:59:05

I totally agree no overnight visits. If he is vicious, I wouldn't want contact at all. Or is he being ok with her? What does your daughter say? She's scared of him, how scared? Depending on this conversation I would perhaps consider temporarily severing this contact and get legal advice. Then at some stage, start supervised visitation in a contact centre. The older your dd is the better, but you still have this issue coming up with your baby. The quicker you get him to play ball and be a nice person to your eldest, the better for everyone concerned.

sweetcarolines Sat 08-Apr-17 08:17:47

Yanbu on the overnight thing.. purely on the basis that he doesn't even know these men.
Anything could happen! They could be up to anything.. parties, coming home drunk, casual sex, recreational drugs!
Could he take her overnight at a family members house.. like his parents or someone you both know and trust? That might be a good compromise and then he can't accuse you of limiting access to her.. which he probably will do if things get messy

pilates Sat 08-Apr-17 08:29:39

YANBU. I would not allow sleepover in the circumstances you have described.

Yes, could he not have DD to stay overnight at his parents with him?

DonaldStott Sat 08-Apr-17 08:29:48

My dd is 8 and if this was the scenario I found myself in, over my dead body would I allow overnight stays in this situation.

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