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DP and time together

(8 Posts)
BlueNeighbourhood1 Fri 07-Apr-17 22:18:40

So me and DP are in a long distance relationship, still in the U.K but a four hour drive from each other. We try and see each other every few weeks for the weekend but in the meantime text obviously a lot and talk on the phone.

To keep us 'okay' until we see each other we dedicate nights, usually once a week as a 'us' night. Where we will both stay at home, text each other and then try and FaceTime later on before going to sleep. It's happened throughout the relationship, we arrange this time together and then DP will end up going to the pub with friends from work and insist that it's fine because we are still messaging. Completely doesn't understand the concept of it being just us. Not us and the pub and his friends.

So tonight it's happened again, I cancelled playing one of my sports tonight to spend our time together and he's at the pub. Apparently stopped off with two of his colleagues and doesn't get why I'm so upset as he can still message me. All I ask is if he's going to the pub, it's fine, just tell me in advance so I don't cancel my plans instead of me waiting at home for something that will never happen.

AIBU? Or should I just suck it up and be fine I'm still getting messages every half hour without the FaceTime?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 07-Apr-17 22:23:10

Maybe stop arranging this type of contact altogether? Make it more spontaneous rather than planned.

Doesn't excuse him letting you down.

BlueNeighbourhood1 Fri 07-Apr-17 22:24:58

Thank you for the reply! We can't do it spontaneously as we both do so much other stuff during the week. I have sports five nights a week...so it has to be pre planned around everything else.

Totally wish we could do that though, it would be so much more fun!

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 07-Apr-17 22:28:26

My DP and I did the long distance for a few years, including his last trip to sea (9 months - Royal Navy).

Face time doesn't have to be hours, it could be 3 minutes when you're lying down in bed before you turn the light off. The minutes spent concocting a perfect message of love could be a 1 minute video call. Make it work how you want.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 07-Apr-17 22:31:58

DP and I did the long distance thing for 2 yet, including 9 months of him at sea all over the middle east (Navy).

Video calls can be 2 minutes, rather than a marathon. The few minutes after you get in bed but before the light goes off. When you wake up first thing. Before you pop out the door to the sporting events. Make it work for you.

Dont cancel your plans when he doesn't think there's a need for him to make himself solely available.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 07-Apr-17 22:32:18

Sorry, thought I'd lost the first message!

UppityHumpty Fri 07-Apr-17 22:36:29

DH and I did long distance for a while before we got married. We Skyped at night & over breakfast. It was just easier because both of us had really mismatching work hours

Chloe84 Fri 07-Apr-17 22:39:10

A date's a date, face to face or FaceTime.

If he makes a date with you, and wants to do something else, he should give you the courtesy of letting you know so you can make alternative plans.

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