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To think should be able to have confidential conversation with my brother

(30 Posts)
LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 19:50:53

without it involving SIL?

Our parents are difficult. I was discussing it with him, and after she asked, what were we talking about? She also seems to see his FB messages to me. I find it strange. Can;t imagine getting involved in problems she had with her parents. it wouldn't be my business.

Unpropergrammer Fri 07-Apr-17 19:53:42

Dp shares everything to do with his parents with me. Why wouldn't he? I'm his partner.

FatOldBag Fri 07-Apr-17 19:54:41

YABU and weird. Why would he keep secrets from his wife? Why would you want him to?

Patriciathestripper1 Fri 07-Apr-17 19:58:05

No it wouldn't be your business because you are not married to her.
But you would probably discuss problems with your husband.

Asmoto Fri 07-Apr-17 20:04:05

My sister and I often discuss our parents (various age-related issues) and I'd think it odd if my DH or her DP insisted on knowing the gory details. It wouldn't upset or annoy me, it would just be strange because it isn't really their business.

Asmoto Fri 07-Apr-17 20:04:25


Huldra Fri 07-Apr-17 20:26:25

If you tell one half of a couple something you need to be prepared for them to share with their partner.

Huldra Fri 07-Apr-17 20:30:33

I say that as someone who has a difficult parent and has had to speak to my siblings about it. I would expect my brother to share some with his wife because our difficult parent is her difficult inlaw.

gamerwidow Fri 07-Apr-17 20:30:51

Your sil is part of your family and your parents are her parents now by marriage. It's not weird that she would want to know what was going on. Her parents are not related to you in the same way so of course you wouldn't have the same interest in them. Don't you care about your partners parents. I consider my PIL as much a part of my family as my mum.

SparklyPantaloons Fri 07-Apr-17 20:33:46

Why does it need to be "confidential" from his own wife? If he's stressed or worried or thinking about something a lot, of course he will share and so he should. Depending what the issue is, it may end up affecting her in the long run also.

LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:36:50

She doesn't get it. That is why. She doesn't get why I would be NC with my mum and tries to interfere and get me to contact her etc. I don;t think it is any of her business.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Fri 07-Apr-17 20:40:37

I may expect my DB to share a conversation with my DSIL, but I certainly would not expect her to interfere.

Asmoto Fri 07-Apr-17 20:40:53

There's a difference between someone deciding to share something with their partner, and the partner asking immediately after the conversation "What were you talking about?" Asking someone what they were talking about, in that sort of context, is quite intrusive.

LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:45:11

It was, especially when she went on to tell me to contact my mum etc. I feel as if i have lost my brother, that she sort of takes over. I mean I have just come to the conclusion i can't share stuff with him now.

Huldra Fri 07-Apr-17 20:46:35

I still think it would be unrealistic to expect him not to. If she's trying to interfere that's a different issue and one that's between you and her. You need some good ways to stop her as soon as she tries flowers I'm in a difficult situation with a parent too.

LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:46:40

Yes it was he involvement which bothered me. I don't mind him sharing stuff with her, just not the involvement and opinions etc.

UppityHumpty Fri 07-Apr-17 20:49:12

I have really difficult parents (abusive narcisstic shit heads basically) and share everything with my dh and would expect my siblings to share with their partners. You can't accuse her of not understanding if you haven't told her the full story of why you're nc hmm

Itsnotmesothere Fri 07-Apr-17 20:49:59

I agree with Hulda.

Huldra Fri 07-Apr-17 20:51:48

I posted that before I read your last reply. Sounds like you need some good ways to slap down her advice as soon as she starts.

LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:56:56

But I have told her. and she doesn't seem to get it. She has been looking at some texts between me and my mum on my mum's phone. Which i think is odd. I don't know. I know my gut instinct is now to not share with my brother as I can't trust her not to get back to my mum. Like a flying monkey. I don't need it. Maybe i can deal with NC without support of my brother.

LovelyBath77 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:58:09

Hilda yes. If she starts again I think I will just say I don't want to discuss it anymore.

SpreadYourHappiness Fri 07-Apr-17 20:59:01

YABU. My MIL is another parent to me. It would be very weird for DH to not tell me things about them. I am his family, and they are my family, so it is my business.

Bluetrews25 Fri 07-Apr-17 21:00:47

Well, SIL's parents are no relation to you, but your parents are SIL's PILs, so she is related to them. Perhaps she should know what is going on?

Emphasise Fri 07-Apr-17 21:05:03

It would be much weirder if he didn't tell her imo. She shouldn't interfere though

picklemepopcorn Fri 07-Apr-17 21:05:04

Her interest in your parents isn't the same as your interest in her parents. It's like your brother's interest in her parents.

The relationship you and your brother have with your parents affects her. If a caring role is needed later, it is likely to involve her. If there are financial decisions, it's likely to affect her.

If you cannot have a good relationship with your DM, it isn't a bad thing for her to have a relationship with someone else, if that is something you are worried about.

She has no say in your life, and should not offer her opinions to you unless invited. She can of course tell your DB what she thinks, and have a relationship with your DM.

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