Christmas presents

[user1491585278]

Hi everyone.
Since my brother got married my mum and dad buy me and my sister in law exactly the same Christmas present.
I am normally quite placid but this keeps nagging at me as it really upsets me that they don't think of something more individual.

Last year for example we both got a (admittedly nice) item of clothing but it was a colour that I would never wear but sil does.

I have no idea how to deal with this or if I can. I feel that I will just have to get over it. AIBU?

[Crunchymum]

It's April. Get over it.

HTH

[lalalandxx]

It's April...

[thebakerwithboobs]

Thank you so much for posting this OP. Whenever I feel as though I have a terrible problem in life I shall think of your trauma and count myself lucky....

[redshoeblueshoe]

April 1st was last week

[Birdsgottaf1y]

Why is this on your mind now, has something else happened?

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

At the beginning of Dec point out that vouchers are the way to go this year!!

[DonaldStott]

Wtf

[Imstickingwiththisone]

Do you have a dodgy WiFi connection OP?

[herethereandeverywhere]

I'm so over having my parents/DH's parents buy me presents (admittedly they are pensioners and I earn a good wage which is a factor).

With DH's family we do secret santa (never secret though!) and each year we'll draw one of the other adults to buy for (out of 8) so we buy 1 present and not 6. I managed to lose out this year when the MIL did her usual 'buy a little something for everyone' and drew me, who got no actual secret santa present. To be honest it's one less unit of tat to live with and she was suitably embarrassed. Win-win.

If there's something you really want buy it yourself? Suggest secret santa to cut down on excess generally? Suggest no presents and donate to charity instead?

[Mulberry72]

[73kittycat73]

Try posting in the Christmas section: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/Christmas
You might find more helpful advice there.

[KindleBueno]

My DF buys me and DW the exact same presents for every occasion that maybe differ in colour, print etc. He says he loves us both and doesn't want to make a difference in us. I think it's super thoughtful

[ExpatMrs]

I'm not sure why this is suddenly bothering you so much in April (have you just come across said clothing item in your wardrobe and it sparked annoyance?)
Regardless, obviously it's something that might happen again but don't let it upset you, just take to the store and swap for something you do like? Some people are just crap at shopping for others, doesn't mean they dislike you or anything

[loveka]

I understand your point entirely. I think you mean you should mean more to them than your sister in law? I agree with you, and its hurtful.

It's not about the present, it's what the present represents. (Strange that people don't understand this and give you a fucking biscuit...)

That's obviously why it's bugging you now.

Presents mean a lot to me because of that reason. I always pointedly got worse presents as a child/young adult. You start to feel you are not valued.

It could be that they are just being thoughtless, and it doesn't actually mean anything. But I totally get how you feel.

[user1491585278]

Loveka that is exactly it. I know they are not doing it deliberately but it bugs me.
I wish they would ask and I would give them some ideas.

[Aderyn2016]

What lovka said!

Most of you seem to be deliberately obtuse.
It is hurtful not to mean more to your parents than your sil.

[TheNaze73]

You need to let this go

[ExpatMrs]

Apologies if I seemed harsh OP.
My DM buys utter tripe gifts- stuff that my SIL would love but I just find tacky. I take comfort from the fact that DM likes it and wear the necklaces/tops (whatever) when I'm in her company from time to time.
Ok, I realise she then prob thinks that I do like them but I'd never hurt her feelings over a gift.

[thebakerwithboobs]

No. Love is not a competition and Christmas gifts are not a measure of love either. Your parents have you birth and life, no doubt they advise you still, guide you, have your back when needed (otherwise you wouldn't care about a gift!) Perhaps the stress or expense of Christmas gifts causes them upset or they simply don't know what to get your sister in law, so they buy a thoughtful gift for you and then give her the same. You're assuming so much and it's so very sad that you want to equate the love your parents feel for people with one gift, given on one day of the year.

[bellalou1234]

I would be upset too

[ThePiglet59]

Fuck off it's April
Take your Xmas crap to November and leave us alone