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Giving up on groups of friends

(29 Posts)
Candlelightnewf Fri 07-Apr-17 15:22:47

Just that really.

I'm giving up on being part of a group of self important females and will stick to just seeing friends on an individual basis.

Life is so much simpler that way.

freeDeirdreRachid Fri 07-Apr-17 15:26:38

Are you me?

I did the sane thing only a couple of weeks ago. Out of 7 of them I realised I was only friends with 3 and the rest made me feel shit.

I now get to decide who I see and when. I don't have to have it dictated to me.

Candlelightnewf Fri 07-Apr-17 15:29:02

Yep! flowers
I'm thinking about deleting fb too. It makes me feel rubbish.

freeDeirdreRachid Fri 07-Apr-17 15:32:18

I deleted mine a while back. For the most part it's people pretending they have the perfect life. It's not reality.

Blanca87 Fri 07-Apr-17 15:32:49

Delete Facebook! It's so liberating.

ApplePaltrow21 Fri 07-Apr-17 15:34:24

Females? Do you mean women?

yikes.

SheSaidHeSaid Fri 07-Apr-17 15:35:54

I ditched a group of 'friends' years ago and it worked absolute wonders for my confidence.

I still have groups of friends but I learnt a good lesson when I ditched the bunch of bitches who basically just bitched about each other behind their backs and never to their faces. It was seriously liberating!

Candlelightnewf Fri 07-Apr-17 15:49:22

Facebook suspended and app deleted! Does it take a while to update? I can still see myself on my husband's profile.

Female usually means woman Apple. I don't understand.

FluffyEwok Fri 07-Apr-17 21:32:27

I deleted fb full of people pretending to be amazing or churning out political quota from daily mail it's cringey

Moanyoldcow Fri 07-Apr-17 21:51:08

I did this with my long time group of friends - inseparable from 17 to 25 but I just couldn't cope with some of the stupid dynamics. Then two of them married racists and one married a twat.

I see a couple now and again but it was the best thing I did.

They think I'm cold and jealous but it wasn't worth the explanation.

frogsgoladidahdidah Fri 07-Apr-17 22:08:38

Anyone who makes you feel shit is not your friend. Life is just too short...

BubbleBed Fri 07-Apr-17 22:12:04

I did this last summer. Was slightly sad in that i thought i would keep in touch with one or two, but it wasn't to be. Far far happier having removed myself, even through all the tensions it created for a few days.b

LittlePurpleDot Sat 08-Apr-17 08:14:04

What frogs said op

moreslackthanslick Sat 08-Apr-17 08:41:31

I'm in this place! Group of friends all crapped out on my birthday lunch out last week while other individual ones rescued my hurt feelings since.
My first birthday since my dad died in Jan too, the cunts.

FruityLoopy88 Sat 08-Apr-17 08:51:25

I've ghosted friends in the past. I just don't have time for all the drama that comes with groups of friends. All my friends are women or gay men, and every time we go out, without fail, drama kicks off - I can't be doing with it!!

Also, some people seem to enjoy being in a hierarchy within friendship groups - the leader, the joker, etc. That's not for me, love!!

ElsieMc Sat 08-Apr-17 09:01:19

Yes, I am not involved in this nonsense but my youngest dd has ditched a group of friends who made her feel shit about herself after years of telling her to get rid. She now just bothers with people who make her feel good about herself and has resurrected a true friendship with her sister.

She went through all the usual queen bee nonsense you read about on MN along with the added plus of a mother superior who would send out self righteous texts to those in the group who had "sinned" warning them they would be cast out. Now sermonising/teaching in a primary school near you so pull your socks up.

Candlelightnewf Sat 08-Apr-17 09:18:40

This is all so sad. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Sorry about your dad more flowers

Smiler2013 Sat 08-Apr-17 20:55:58

Me too!! Fed up with the falseness of people, so two faced!!! Deleted Facebook few months back, best thing I have done.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Sat 08-Apr-17 21:28:44

I ditched a group of mums (secret fb group, met via MN). I was part of a few. blush

I found the women cliquey and they always bragged about their wonderful BFing, ignoring the FFing mums, criticising other mums for not having the right baby carrier, or choosing to forward face in a car, allowing your child to wear cruiser shoes before they can run bare foot, spoon feeding, choosing disposables rather than cloth, buying pink for your baby girl rather than use her big brother's hand me downs, chucking your baby in their own room at a few weeks old, not consleeping, not feeding organic - the list is endless!

These groups of women made me feel inadequate, paranoid, self loathing and the irony of it - isolated!!

Stupid thing is, when I left my two groups I was bombarded with messages from some of them who AGREED with my reasons for leaving, empathised yet STILL they chose to stay.

I left after one mum went one step too far and criticised me for 'not doing enough' for a family member and used my home and financial circumstances as a basis for her attack. She apologised but for me it was the last straw.

I realised that in my life I had a wonderful family and a wonderful group of friends and discovered that actually I didn't need them.

Granted some of them have become RL friends but I see it that I already had a life with friends and didn't need to find anymore - I didn't anyways!

A year or so on, I am so much happier that I ditched these 'friends'.

My confidence in myself and my parenting has grown massively, I don't question myself or allow others to look down on me (which some of them did!) and accept that I am doing the best I can!

Some of the women deleted me as a friend on fb as soon as I left the group - which says it all really, and one even BLOCKED me. I didn't say anything untoward or name call; they simply acted with passive aggression IMO. I am friends with a few still and every few months we matter. I dare say if I lived closer I would have arranged a meet up.

WrapaholicMumma Sat 08-Apr-17 21:41:27

I did the same a few months ago. I distanced myself from my group of 'friends' and have never felt better. One of the ladies was the nastiest cow I have ever met and nobody else realised how nasty she could be. I didn't have time for her shit so distanced from the whole group. none of the others have bothered with me since which shows that they weren't actually friends. I feel so much better without them bow

Gah81 Sat 08-Apr-17 21:41:38

This really strikes a chord. Somehow I am still part of a a group of women who have a tendency to bitchiness and I have nothing in common with them. I get on very well with one of them and am thinking of just dropping out of the group. Problem is, all my (closest) friends are individual ones so we have 1-on-1s and I think I may miss being part of a big group, IYSWIM?

MrsWOLF1 Sat 08-Apr-17 22:17:52

Have removed myself from friends I've had since I was in my teens .Lots of bitching and snide remarks ,cliques within the group .Non supportive .I'm far happier away from it all

bibbitybobbityyhat Sat 08-Apr-17 22:22:41

I'm slightly intrigued by the idea of groups of friends. I don't think I have ever been in one. How do these groups come about?

Candlelightnewf Sat 08-Apr-17 22:32:07

It's a shame this seems so common.

Sounds like an awful group banging. Mums should be supporting one another.

wrap it always amazes me how some (nasty) women seem to captivate everyone around them. I think I upset my group by daring to say that one of the girls isn't a good friend. Very self absorbed yet has everyone falling at her feet. As a result, I've been excluded. They deny this but it's obvious and another reason why I've deleted the fb app.

Gah, yes I think I will miss being part of a group too. I hope this feeling will pass!

Candlelightnewf Sat 08-Apr-17 22:38:37

My group came about through children of the same age at pre school, dog walking and similar jobs.

I think lots of groups develop around school gates and similar aged children. My feeling is that these groups tend to involve competitive parenting, bitchiness and usually a dominant character that the others can't do enough for.

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