A few months ago I returned to work after a period of unemployment last year due to redundancy. When I first lost my job I was devestated and dreaded the thought of being stuck at home, not contributing anything, feeling less of an equal.
The reality though was different to what I expected. Its in my nature to make the best of things so I did and set about sorting out our house which had been a bit neglected, I learned to cook. Our house was nice, clean and calm, we had lovely food on the table each night for my husband coming home and our evenings free to relax in because everything in the house was done. It was great our relationship and sex life improved dramatically, I looked about 10 years younger, it was wonderful. I felt like a different, better person and it really seemed to work for us.
I did however still feel this pressure from myself, my friends to find another job so earlier this year I started back again and within a month or so things have changed for the worse at home. Before I was unemployed our relationship was muddling along but the spark had gone both of us worn down by work and life and I think we bore the brunt of each others tiredness. At times I had wondered if we were flogging a dead horse but my time off showed that it was just we were both just too exhausted to give the relationship our best and we don't even have kids.
Am I being unreasonable to think that the pressures of work, careers, running a home not to mention kids is a real problem for modern relationships? I am back working now and feel I must but while I get some satisfaction out of my job I was mutch happier at home and my relationship was happier too.
Perhaps what I need is a "wife" myself to run the home and have dinner on the table for me when I get home.
AIBU?
To think my life / relationship was better when I was a stay at home wife?
tiggerbalm · 07/04/2017 13:56
I see, well could you work part time or find a job that's flexible, working from home for yourself? It's difficult to go against what you have been brought up to think. I had always worked but I remember just before I got married I left one job and was talking to my Mother about getting another. My husband had always said he'd be happy for me to not work, but I wasn't sure, and was planning to look for a job. She turned to me and said that all she had wanted for me was to have an easy life, and that I should enjoy myself as much as possible if I can. Life throws at you enough problems but if you have the opportunity to make it less stressful, then you should take it.
That really stuck with me, and I took her advice. She was very ill and passed away not long after, so her words were very poignant. My husband and I are really happy and I'm positive our marriage wouldn't be as happy if I was working full time. I work part time from home and love how relaxed our life is. 
for you OP.
YADNBU. We made the decision for me not to return to work after I was made redundant. We have a relatively relaxed home life and good relationship compared to most of my friends. There is a huge amount of social pressure to work and lots of friends/family have been 
about it, but it's always been important to me to live my life the way I want it, not bow to other people's expectations.
I understand the difficulties of being raised under the expectation to have a job and contribute financially, as my parents were the same. But it's your life and you have to make the decisions that are right for you, not based on whatever values were forced on you throughout your childhood.
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