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To feel upset about what my friends said?

(43 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Fri 07-Apr-17 12:17:07

I am months away from finishing university and when people hear this I often get "what do you want to do after university?" And I tell them and we discuss it etc and it's all fine.

However, my best friend (although we haven't been close for a while so maybe not best) and her boyfriend (also a really good friend of mine from school) have both made comments that have upset me.

First was from her, it had come up a few months back that I'll be finishing uni soon and she was like "what're you going to do after though? You have to actually do something" in a bitchy tone but laughing it off like it's a joke IYSWIM?
So I told her I wasn't sure yet and she rolled her eyes "jokingly" but I could sense she was annoyed. It was never mentioned again but I was hurt she spoke that way to me. I know a LOT of people who don't know what they want to do after university so it's hardly unusual.

So, last night I was out with friends and her boyfriend, also my friend, was there but she wasn't. He asked how long I had left so I said 5 weeks. And he asked what I was going to do when I leave and I said that I plan to work part time and do some volunteering for 18 months then start my teacher training when my son starts school September 2018.
His response was exactly like hers, in a jokey way but you could tell he was annoyed and said "yeah but that won't pay the bills!" And I said "I've just said I will be working" and it got joked about and left again.

I have worked so hard to go to university starting when he was only 1 and I've worked non stop to get the best results again while trying to be a good mum and keep on top of the house work. The first year I coped fine, the second I was half and half. And now in final year I'm happy to admit I'm absolutely exhausted and almost not coping because it is so demanding to be a full time student and single parent.
If I started my teacher training now I don't think I'd cope, or I would but not so as well as I know I could.
Hence my plan for 18 months working and getting plenty of work experience ready to apply in September this year for a 2018 start. I am desperate for a break from education, I need to take it easier and enjoy my son instead of constantly feeling exhausted and struggling to do it all.

I think this is a perfectly reasonable plan, I'm going to be working 3-4 days a week so it isn't like I've said "I'm not going to work for 18 months then do my teacher training", I could understand their reaction if so.

I don't understand what their problem is, I haven't had this reaction from anyone else.
I literally collapse onto the settee every evening the past few months because I'm putting every minute I have into my degree.

I feel like they're suggesting I'm lazy but I've always worked, I'm on a full time course and looking after my young son so I can't see how they've got that impression.
They've had life handed to them on a plate (a HUGE amount of money from their parents) so maybe they're money orientated and expect me to feel the same?
A friend thinks they might be jealous for various reasons but I'm not sure why anyone would be jealous

AIBU to feel upset that they're talking to me in this way? They're clearly annoyed at me for something and I feel judged

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:27:10

Congratulations to you for sticking with it.
Fwiw I've been teaching for 20 years and think you're doing the right thing waiting til he starts school try do ing some TA ing for experience wishing you the best
Not sure what's up with your "friend" but I'd give them a wide berth if I were you!

3luckystars Fri 07-Apr-17 12:31:46

Is it because it's a bit of a mystery where you are getting your money from? You are talking about volunteering but are a single parent after spending 3years going to university. Most people would be in debt and be desperate to get an income at your stage.

You don't have to tell them anything, it's none of their business (but you can tell me wink )

TheOneWhoKnocks Fri 07-Apr-17 12:32:47

As long as you can meet your needs and your son's, you have nobody to answer to.

FWIW, you're right to defer teacher training until you're actually ready. The first couple of years of teaching are all-consuming and utterly draining even in ideal circumstances - you'll work all the hours God sends, and people will still be queuing up to point out all the things you should have done better (or indeed at all). It's a high-stakes training process because A) you have to declare any failed/abandoned training attempts if you quit during the first year and then reapply later on, and B) you only get one shot at passing the second year - if you fail at the final hurdle, that's it.

Congrats on your success with your course, and do what's right for you and your boy.

FumBluff1 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:34:26

I guess they perhaps wonder how you are going to fund volunteer work and a child for 18 months without working in paid employment? Not really their business but I would wonder too!

ProfessorPickles Fri 07-Apr-17 12:36:40

I must have worded it poorly, sorry! But I will be working a paid job and doing volunteering when possible as work experience for my application to teacher training

purplecoathanger Fri 07-Apr-17 12:37:59

Some people are idiots! They don't have a clue about the value of a university education. You should hold your head up high and be proud of your achievements. Envy is never attractive.

Blossomdeary Fri 07-Apr-17 12:38:19

You do not understand what "their problem" is. Exactly - it is THEIR problem and not yours. People can often be jealous of others like yourself, who achieve against all the odds. Well done you!

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Apr-17 12:40:08

No, they're not jealous.

Probably just puzzled as to how you can afford to work part-time and support yourself and your DC.

None of their business though.

TheMysteriousJackelope Fri 07-Apr-17 12:43:27

Just don't discuss it with them. Either do the 'Oh we discussed that last time, how is it going with your holiday planning/job/DC?' thing or pretend you didn't hear the question and ignore it.

There is a huge difference between a concerned 'How are you going to make ends meet for 18 months? Will you be OK?' and eye rolling and acting like you are some silly little impractical girl expecting them to support you.

witsender Fri 07-Apr-17 12:44:32

As the others said...It is rude of them but it must seem like an odd position, being able to be a single parent in full time education, going on to work part time and volunteer. To a lot of people scraping by it must be baffling.

However, it isn't any of their business. They are entitled to an opinion, but not entitled to be rude about it.

DontTouchTheMoustache Fri 07-Apr-17 12:44:39

I don't see how they can feel annoyed about it when it's not having any impact on them. They have probably had a little bitch session discussing how easy you have it because you don't have to work as hard as they do (honestly, some people genuinely think like this, I'm not suggesting that is the case at all btw, I'm a single mum working full time so I fully understand how exhausting it must be for you).
Let them wind each other up with their own stupidity and just spend less time with them, you don't need them making you anxious. Well done for sticking with it.

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 07-Apr-17 12:44:46

They may well wonder how you do it but that doesn't give them carte blanche to be bitchy!! I would be a bit hurt as well op - they don't sound very kind.

SapphireStrange Fri 07-Apr-17 12:44:53

Congrats to you; you sound like you're doing brilliantly.

And fuck the 'friends'. If they start up again, tell them to stop bitching and rolling their eyes.

TheMysteriousJackelope Fri 07-Apr-17 12:46:10

As an aside, some people genuinely do think students loll around all day doing sweet FA for three years and mysteriously come out with a degree at the end of it. Personally when I started work I would get home in the evenings and be at a loss because for four years I'd been in lectures/labs/drawing office from 9 - 5 and then had several hours homework every evening, and had project work about 4 hours a day on weekends. Coming home and not having to struggle through hours of calculations for the rest of the evening was most unusual to me.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 07-Apr-17 12:48:37

Noone can tell you whether they are jealous or not.

But they do have an issue with your life for some reason and are not behaving like friends.I wouldn't push them to explain, just say something like "Oh dear, that wasn't very supportive" when they make undermining comments and then change the subject.

Give them a wide berth. It's not your problem. Well done on working so hard - you deserve your success.

ProfessorPickles Fri 07-Apr-17 12:51:53

They're absolutely not scraping by I should add, their parents funded 10 months in America. Bought them expensive cars each and paid the deposit for their house, it should be me having a problem with them if anything! I'm a little envious but not jealous and I'm pleased for them, I wouldn't dream of being funny about it.
My parents don't give me a penny and why should they?
She told me to get my mum and dad to buy me a car and I was absolutely gobsmacked.

Thank you for all the kind messages, I honestly feel I'm doing the right thing for me and son and I've never been lazy in my life. I work a lot harder than the other students on my course who don't work or have any responsibilities!
Waiting a year to start my teacher training is surely the sensible option if starting this year would risk me struggling from exhaustion.

There hasn't been a week in the past 3 years where I haven't done either uni work or been at work over the summer holidays

Janeofalltrades1 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:51:54

I think your plan sounds perfectly fine and well done!

Don't know what your friends' problems are and it's clearly them, not you.

innagazing Fri 07-Apr-17 12:55:18

it sounds to me as though your 'friends' are coasting in life, and are jealous that you have a plan for yourself.

Well done for getting this far! I always admire women who study at degree level with a young child- it must have been difficult!

Willow2017 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:57:31

Real friends wouldnt be so bitchy.

I agree just say "I told you what I am doing, why are you labouring the point?" and move to a different subject.

Anyway its none of their business, doesnt affect them, you have done all the hard work and have a valid plan. Maybe they are jealous that you managed to do it while still managing being a mum with all that goes with it and they possibly wouldnt have stuck it out.

Well done you, you are a credit to yourself and your son and thats all that matters.

user1489261248 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:58:01

It's their problem, not yours, and they sound a bit jealous actually.

Next time, tell them you're going to take up a career as a hooker.

Or just say you have a job working for the Government that you can't discuss, as you have signed the official secrets act. grin

jay55 Fri 07-Apr-17 12:58:21

You have a plan. That's the main thing. You've clearly also got the drive to follow it through. Well done.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 07-Apr-17 13:09:32

Where ever you are living cost wise must be the same post uni to now so surely you are adding money to the pot by working part time and pay for bills that you currently have?

I'm blown away by single parents and I'm blown away by parents who study with you children. You are both these things and I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. Be proud of yourself and your achievements. I'm guessing they don't have kids and don't now just how tiring it actually is I think it sounds like a great plan.

JustABitOfUncertainty Fri 07-Apr-17 13:12:04

They sound jealous
You sound like you have a well thought out plan that will give yo and your DC a good future
Their opinions are irrelevant to your life

shovetheholly Fri 07-Apr-17 13:48:36

It sounds like a jealous, insecure reaction to the fact that you'll soon be a graduate with a degree, and a whole world of different employment opportunities open to you as a result.

A lot of people who have never done a qualification will tell you how easy it is and how they could do it standing on their head! grin They usually fall flat on their faces when they try.

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