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To not punish my DS

(20 Posts)
chocolateinmylife Thu 06-Apr-17 22:32:55

My DS 7 and was diagnosed with Autism he has recently started to start to talk for the first time and I have waited years and years for this day! The only issue is that he has only just started to say two words together and he will say ' shut up, shut up!' Over and over. I know my son and I know he doesn't know what it means or anything about what he is saying, he walks around saying it to himself over and over. I have had a lot of comments from people saying I should ' stop' or ' punish' him for saying the unkind words but I know he clearly doesn't mean any harm.

I try to help his vocabulary by always talking to him but at the same time I don't want to put him off trying to talk and communicate after waiting this long to hear him speak.

I know shut up isn't the nicest of things he could be saying and I am trying to support him to say new words but it takes time.

MoonlightandMusic Thu 06-Apr-17 23:04:30

YANBU - you're right, encouraging him to keep going is the most important thing. The actual words will change over time (and it could be a lot worse than "shut up" going by some of the threads on here!). grin

BlackeyedSusan Thu 06-Apr-17 23:12:10

sensory overload?

try ear defenders.

and congratulations on the talking! great news.

who are these people that want him to shut up?

Kidakidder Thu 06-Apr-17 23:17:05

YANBU. My son does similar, often when he's stressed. It isnt a choice, we dont punish, we distract, or suggest different words.

What i have found helps my boy is some sort of strong sensory feedback to distract him. A lolly ice works very well!

Kidakidder Thu 06-Apr-17 23:18:41

And brilliant on the talking! flowers

Teabagtits Thu 06-Apr-17 23:27:16

Don't punish him if he's just started being verbal. Don't be surprised either if he is fully aware of what he's saying. It could also be echolalia and that he likes how the words sound on repeat (I do this without always knowing I am)

He could be trying to communicate that his environment is too noisy for him. You may not notice it as being such but autistic people can struggle to filter out background noise and hear everything from birds singing to the tv and people talking at the same level- and believe me that's a nightmare.

Encouraging different words is worth a try but please don't punish his existing choice of words.

TitaniasCloset Thu 06-Apr-17 23:30:44

So exciting that he is now talking!!! Well done for helping him get so far.

Shitonmyshoe Fri 07-Apr-17 01:13:17

Please NEVER punish him for talking. My DD is now 14 and ASD. Shut up is the best I get sometimes, other times it's profanity and at others it's whatever her latest favourite word's are. She also has her 'own' language, so your little one may do that at some point 😊

EffinElle Fri 07-Apr-17 01:16:22

They're only words, its great he's started to talk star

RhodaBorrocks Fri 07-Apr-17 02:36:33

YANBU don't punish him. My DS has ASD and sometimes gets stuck on one word (echolalia). He did it today when out with DM. I'm used to it and carried on our conversation, but DM asked him to stop. I told her it was fine but there are little things she doesn't get. I re-engaged DM in conversation and had to suppress a smile when I saw DS silently mouthing his word at an angle she couldn't see.

It's fantastic he's talking - it sounds like you're doing the right thing by talking to him. Don't put him off by telling him some words are wrong, it will put pressure on him and at the end of the day they're just words. Said without intent they don't cause harm so if anyone takes offence it's their problem!

Graphista Fri 07-Apr-17 02:42:54

That's fantastic amazing that he is talking! Well done! To both of you.

Make a song out of it? He says 'shut up' you sing

'to all the noisy cars/tills'
'To the alarm that woke me when I was having a lovely dream'
'To the car horn that made me jump'

Who is telling you to silence him? I'd be telling em to get lost myself! Or better still

Shut up!

highinthesky Fri 07-Apr-17 02:42:59

This is a good news day! Given the circumstances, it's a blessing not a curse.

ohtheholidays Fri 07-Apr-17 03:06:22

Fuck everyone else chocolate that's amazing news.

We have 5DC and 2 of our DC are autistic,I can't imagine though how emotional you must have felt the first time he spoke.

Shut Up haha bless him I think they're bloody great first words to have smile

He may well know exactly what he's saying and he could have been waiting years to say it to the people that you've said have been complaining about him saying it. grin

mylaptopismylapdog Fri 07-Apr-17 03:25:32

Brilliant that he's talking and if other people are bothered it's their problem and he is probably right about what they can do about it.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 07-Apr-17 03:44:06

I cannot imagine how you felt when her first talked. Fuck the rest of the world! Who cares what he's saying. He's saying something.

ShowMePotatoSalad Fri 07-Apr-17 04:38:39

YANBU. People around need to give you more support rather than judging you. flowers

CrumpettyTree Fri 07-Apr-17 05:47:39


PollytheDolly Fri 07-Apr-17 05:55:20

Think is safe to say the general consensus is yanbu!

Well done! Love the singing idea grin

RebelSoldier Fri 07-Apr-17 09:40:33

Just to add a different perspective. Not necessarily related to your story- but I don't know. There was a kid (friend's son) who would constantly say 'shut up' to me and 'stop talking' and also behaviour like throwing my belongings around my house and I think spitting but I can't remember. Anyway, as a result I cut back on the play dates because I didn't want my kids learning such behaviours (maybe 3 yr olds?).

A couple of years later I hear (don't see the mum much anymore) but that's he has been diagnosed really investigated for autism. Which is really good and helps put his behaviour into context. However the mumnis not sharing this news which I think is not a good idea.

If i knew there were reasons for certain behaviour then I would certainly have been accomodating.

In summary, congrats on your son talking, I would encourage explainging his behaviour to friends ?

Just my opinion - based on my experiences

chocolateinmylife Sat 08-Apr-17 07:57:26

Thankyou everyone, he has been saying it over and over and every time he does he makes my heart melt!

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