Am I being an utter bitch?(89 Posts)
Dp is incredibly creative. I'm incredibly not. He's been working on a play for months, and was finally shown to the public on Tuesday, with great reception and reviews. I told him my opinion (that I thought it was brilliant) but, because I'm not really creatively minded, I don't really know how to express myself further than that. I know he's been swept away with the success of it, but I've felt rather interrogated since, asked a million questions about how I think it went/what i liked ect and I don't really know what to say. I finally snapped, and asked him to stop asking me questions. I liked it, it was good, it worked really well. He's now really hurt and upset because he's so proud of it, but I openly admit I'm just not the right person to talk to about it. Obviously, being his partner, he wants me to be the right person to talk about it with because he cares about my opinion.
Yeah you kind of are, sorry. It's a really big deal to him and presumably so are you so he wants you to be excited too. It's not important that you don't know anything about that sort of thing, he just needs you to be supportive, regardless of how boring it is for you! It's one of those smile with gritted teeth moments....
Read a whole heap of positive play reviews of other plays and make a mental note of some expressions you like - that would sound natural coming from you.
Otherwise, yes, you sound a bit like me appraising my 3yo's fingerpaintings
I thought so. I don't mean to be, honestly. But he has a lot of projects on in one go, and I'm quite often the person he asks to 'consult' on stuff and it gets a little like when my kids bring me constant pictures to review. And he always wants so much detail! I know he's excited and he's so good at what he does, and it's a very exciting time in his life. But I had to remind him that this has been months in the making and I've already helped him with loads of it, it's just tough going when it literally doesn't interest me at all
But you're right, I am being a bitch. Teeth are now very firmly gritted.
You are maybe just not effusive and it's not your style to think up lots of ways of saying the same thing. Probably why you aren't writing the play - he is.
I think your husband is being a bit unfair TBH.
did you like the plot?
did the story flow well? did it feel like something you could relate to?
did you like the characters? (or dislike them if they were horrible people) did they seem like real people?
how was the lighting?
what about set and costumes? good?
you dont have to be all 'breaking the forth wall' or ' kitchen sink drama' or the like.
when you see a film do you know what you liked about it? when you read a book can you talk about the plot?
this is the same.
hecate that's a point I brought up. An area of contention between us is that I don't necessarily know why I like something. We'll watch a film (and we watch a lot of them, his disk collection is his baby) and I'll like it but I can't necessarily articulate why. And he finds it utterly bemusing. How can I possibly not know what I like about a film? But I'm the same with music, I have very very broad tastes in everything and it is as simple as, if I like it, I like it. Genre doesn't matter. And he can't understand it at all. But like lord said, that's why he's the writer and not me
How is writing a play INCREDIBLY creative? He is creative at writing plays and that's it.
And no, you are not being unreasonable. You gave him a positive feedback but he just can't have enough of it. Don't praise him too much. He is not the Lord Jesus Christ. I am sure he gets praise from the public and family and friends too, so that will keep him going for a while.
If he's shared the development of the play with you whilst writing, it's unrealistic of him to expect you to have lots of new things to say about it as you'll already be familiar with the content. I think he's being unreasonable.
To be fair I'd probably get stuck after 'yeah it was good' and 'I enjoyed it' but then I'm not really an effusive person.
This is his first play. He's also made a feature film and several shorts, published a few books, directs, edits, draws, paints... so incredibly creative
Was it performed in front of an audience? Could you give some feedback about how it was received? "Lady in front of me couldn't stop laughing/crying at the part with the X"?
Or casting? "The actress playing Juliet was just like/completely different from how I imagined"
Read a whole heap of positive play reviews of other plays and make a mental note of some expressions you like - that would sound natural coming from you
Well its great to hear about DP's creative success, it is a very big deal and he deserves to bask in its glory for a bit.
I don't think you're being a bitch, by your own admission this is neither your strength or interest. It sounds to me like DP needs a muse to bounce ideas off. Otherwise you'll be lumbered with the same problem for the foreseeable.
So is it the first time he gets upset because of the lack of praise from you? You say he created loads of other stuff before. How did you give feedback about those things? Were you more generous with praise before?
I have a creative DP and this can get quite tiresome!
I especially dislike him unveiling a rough draft.demontypw things and asking my opinion...
For performances, once I've said I like it and what my favourite bits were etc, I focus on the reaction of others so 'everyone was gripped when...', 'the part where xyzzy happened went down really well', 'I overheard people saying it was ....'
I don't think you're being a bitch at all. You saw it, you liked it, you told him so, you've supported him. Thats enough. If he wants a full critique he can ask someone whose job it is to provide that.
There is nothing as dull as being interogated by someone as to why you like something especially if its something they've made, drawn, written, baked. It also smacks a bit of "why am I so good? tell me, tell me again, tell me more"
No, I've always been the same. I'm just not very articulate. I spread the news, I lobby and put in good words and support him in every way I can and praise his good work. He just always wants a play by play and I'm neither able nor sometimes willing to do so
Well he does sound incredibly creative and I can absolutely imagine that as a non- creative person it must be very hard to muster enthusiasm. Smile and nod, make the right noises and he can bask away bless him. It is lovely to be with someone who is proud of their work.
He sounds a nit needy.
You've said you liked it, life moves on.
YABU. Knowing (and being able to express) why you like/don't like something is the result of a learning process. Did you not learn to analyse poetry in school? Or another example: when you were weaned, you were not able to express why you liked some foods and did not like others: you just smacked your lips while eating some and spat when given others. Later, with the development of language you learn to say things like "I don't like the texture". Knowing why you liked a film is the result of first reflecting on it and yourself; and using the language to express it. Both are a result of learning and practice.
I don't think YABU.
You've said its good, you can't just keep licking his arse for weeks on end.
I'm a 'creative sort' and DP isn't particularly (I actually think everybody is creative, but that's another thread) and if I'm excited/proud of something I like to talk about it but I don't start interrogating people about my use of fucking chromatic black and reverse glazing to people who have no interest in oil painting.
After the initial "Yes it was great, I really liked it" him constantly going on and on for more praise would piss me off tbh. Seems very needy and demanding and so yes it really would get on my bloody nerves.
I dont think I would be able to stop myself from coming back with "I said I liked it, everyone else liked it, you got great reviews and responses, what more do you want?!" But I am not terribly patient.
Oh god I get this. Sometimes I have to remind DH I'm not in his seminar.
He's not asking you to be creative, he's asking you to analyse, which is the opposite of being creative. Bollocks to you not being creative anyway. You just aren't in the creative industries.
Did you really like it when you saw it performed? If so could you go see it again? He'd like that.
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