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AIBU?

Jealous?

40 replies

Orangeseed · 06/04/2017 20:20

OK, so I expect the answer to be that IABU with a hint of jealous but....
I am pregnant with my DH it will be our third child, we are happy and well set up to care for the child, financially, emotionally etc, however our families have not been overly happy for us, not unhappy, more just totally not bothered. (Some support would have been nice as it has been a very difficult pregnancy so far)

Today DHs niece has announced that she is pregnant and his family are absolutely ecstatic! Over the top happy, all over social media, actually stopping strangers in the street to tell them of the wonderful news! She's 17, not even a year since she left school, no boyfriend, no job , no place of her own to live, not planned.

I'm feeling quite hurt that my baby seems to mean so little to them and this other one is attracting such jubilation.

I know people will think that selfish of me, but I needed to vent.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2017 20:29

You do not strike me as jealous. Or envious. Or anything. You are looking at the contrast between how your pregnancy is regarded and how your niece's pregnancy is regarded, and (like me) you are thinking 'WTF?'.

Are they being over-the-top to compensate?

LadyPW · 06/04/2017 20:32

Well it is your 3rd so they probably think you're not as excited as you would be with your first.
But I'd not be shouting from the rooftops about a 17 y.o. who was pregnant either.
I can see where you're coming from....

Orangeseed · 06/04/2017 20:32

I don't think they are trying to compensate, I think they are genuinely delighted
It's nice to know that at least somebody else also thinks 'wtf'...

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LineysRun · 06/04/2017 20:33

Stopping strangers in the street? That doesn't sound entirely normal tbh.

Orangeseed · 06/04/2017 20:34

They were just as not bothered with my first two, even forgot my dd's birthday (she's only 6)

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highinthesky · 06/04/2017 20:39

This does sound a little odd if they aren't bothered about your DC. I think its likely to have something to do with DH's relationship with his family. Perhaps he has been cool with them in the past?

Leave it alone and let DH deal with it if he feels his own family (ie you and DC) is being neglected in any way by his parents.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2017 20:41

What's your DH's opinion on his family's behaviour?

Orangeseed · 06/04/2017 20:45

DH is clearly not the favourite son (it's a big family) but he's never done anything to upset the status quo, he has always just accepted as one of the middle children that's how it would be.
I try not to let it bother me, but the situation today has hit a nerve, maybe I'm over sensitive because of the hormones?!

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Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 06/04/2017 20:46

Look at it that your mil is otherwise occupied so she will be lower key in your business. .

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2017 20:48

No you're not oversensitive - they are weird.

I'd be pulling back from his family. I wouldn't want to see my children treated less favourably than their cousins etc., because eventually they'd realise what was happening and feel that they were lesser/deserved this treatment. Fuck that. And fuck his family.

Funnyonion17 · 06/04/2017 20:48

It's your 3rd, it's a given you won't get much fuss.

Although fussing over a pregnant 17 year old under circumstances that are less than ideal is weird. I'd expect them to support her and eventually it would be exciting, but it's not news to be bursting with joy over really is it.

Crumbs1 · 06/04/2017 21:31

I started getting fussed again with the twins (4 and 5) but it's not the same as the first. Not sure anyone even noticed the sixth - although she's unmissable now.

Bluntness100 · 06/04/2017 21:40

I'd also suspect over compensating op. It's a rare family that celebrate a pregnant 17 year old, with no job, no nothing. There is nothing wrong with it, but few families are out celebrating in the streets over it. I suspect this isn't about you, it's about a show of support to s vulnerable person.

Sometimes the way people behave is not all about us and life is a bit easier when we realise that. Being in some way jealous over a pregnant unemployed single 17 year old isn't reasonable.

Orangeseed · 19/04/2017 20:55

And now she's found out it's twins! Cue more over indulgent excitement on social media.

MIL had posted about it and how amazing it all is, another family member then congratulated mil on the news to which she replied "oh it's such great news for the whole family, we've needed something good like this for so long!" To which I feel "what is my baby not good news?!"
DH is upset by it as am I. If it were comments like "3 new babies soon, such great news" I would be totally fine with it, its more the fact that its being made so clear that neither my current pregnancy or other 2DCs mean anything. Incidentally mil has forgotten both of my DCs birthdays in the last month!

To be honest my feelings are that she is in a bit of a rubbish situation, yes babies are lovely, but not exactly ideal when you are so young, unemployed, single and with no home of your own. In any other case I would be passing on the clothes and toys etc from my baby to help out as they will never so close in age, but all this gushing over her while simultaneously ignoring my children is really pi**ing me off!

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SquinkiesRule · 19/04/2017 21:00

If you don't mind the fall out, I would make a comment about there being three on the way, or What isn't my baby good news for the family??
They are plain weird.

Silverthorn · 19/04/2017 21:05

I would be hiding/ deleting them on social media and not bothering to contact them again. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Or if you're feeling feisty call them out on it. However, I doubt the conversation would go the way you want. They are never going to change their ways.

Orangeseed · 19/04/2017 21:14

I have already hidden their posts so they don't show up when I go online, but my DH showed me. Squinkies my reply would have been exactly that "what does my baby not count as good news?!"
However I am trying to maintain a dignified silence and encourage my dh to do the same. I refuse the give them any ammunition to act like me or dh have done anything wrong. They are the types that thrive on drama. I prefer to avoid confrontation, and rant on here anonymously lol.

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/04/2017 21:28

They sound like a load of odd balls TBH. Stopping strangers in the street. That's beyond a fuckin joke not to mention insensitive. They could be stopping someone with infertility issues. Is she the only women on the face of the planet to ever get pregnant. Strangers don't care and they don't have to.
YANBU.

Allthewaves · 19/04/2017 21:34

I'd be putting a reply up

'so excited that dc1,dc2 and bump are going to have a new cousin to play with. Lovely our babies will be born close together'

but i'm a bit passive agressive. Remember in these situations families always try to rally round and be positive about a not great situation

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 19/04/2017 21:37

Perhaps a 17yo needs some emotional support?

RyanStartedTheFire · 19/04/2017 21:37

Just say what you're thinking instead of letting them be rude.

RyanStartedTheFire · 19/04/2017 21:38

I also do think YAB a bit U. They are being rude but she will need a lot more support and help than you, don't begrudge her that. It's not her fault they're all being so OTT.

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scottishdiem · 19/04/2017 21:44

I never understand why people let their families treat them like dirt. If my family had done this to me I would have commented in several places across social media and then left them too it and just stopped communicating.

Why are families allowed to be the source of ongoing angst.

In the past I have been NC with a cousin and a whisker away from it with my mother until she changed. I am NC with my sibiling. My DP and I keep DPs mother at such an arms length we got married without telling her. We are free of drama. We are free of angst. When we bump into sibling at funerals and weddings we are civil to say hello and leave it at that. We dont expect anyone in our family or DPs to take sides or take part in the issue. And we are happier for it. We are not let down by family because we have no expectation of them. Why people want their family to behave in a certain way when they havent in the past confuses me. Just leave them to it and stop worrying and caring.

Orangeseed · 19/04/2017 21:55

Ryanstarted... What makes you think I don't need support, having suffered hyperemesis from week 7, heavy bleeds at 8,10 and 12weeks, already getting spd at 22 weeks, terrified about having a c section because me and dc2 both nearly died during his birth, worried about how to cope post c section with 2 other DC and dh will need to be at work as I will only receive SMP which means we need his wage.
My dad died recently so only have support from my mum, who can only do so much on her own.
So no I don't think its only a 17 year old who needs support!

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Orangeseed · 19/04/2017 21:59

Scottish.... I would be happy to walk away and have nc with any not them ever again, but I don't know if that would be fair on my DC? Or is it more unfair to have them treated as second class?

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