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To wonder why on earth my friend doesn't this?

(102 Posts)
Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:02:50

She's about 5ft4 and a size 16. I'm 5ft7 and a size 12. I'm not skinny but a normal, healthy weight. She is medically overweight.

Yet she constantly (as in every time we meet up) comments on how much weight she's lost and how she's slimmer than me. She makes comments that she would give me her clothes but they wouldn't fit me. If we go clothes shopping she informs me that she's a size 12, I need at least a size 14 or 'that would fit me but not you'.

I'm considerably thinner than her and unless she has a serious delusion she must know that.

She buys stretchy size 10 clothes and they look absurd on her as they don't come close to fitting. Just buy a size 16.

She tried on clothes and he size 16 always looks best but she refuses to buy them in that size and buys a 14 which is too small yet she insists she likes clothes baggy! 😂

She's not a bad person but she makes an idiot of herself with this as she makes these comments in front of mutual friends too and we all know I'm considerably thinner than her.

So why on earth do it? AIBU to think this is very odd behaviour?

She has low self esteem. None of us give two hoots about what size she is.

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:04:18

Every time we meet she comments on me being overweight and bigger than her in some way. She seems to want me to think I'm overweight when I'm not.

Or to convince herself I am. I'm not sure.

CMamaof4 Thu 06-Apr-17 19:05:37

I think it sounds like she is trying to convince herself she is, How odd??

ragz134 Thu 06-Apr-17 19:06:07

Maybe she's waiting for you to say something back. What do you say when she does this?

Cocklodger Thu 06-Apr-17 19:06:38

Have you posted this before?
I'm getting deja vu...

VeryButchyRestingFace Thu 06-Apr-17 19:07:36

She makes comments that she would give me her clothes but they wouldn't fit me

That would just make me laugh. 😂

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 06-Apr-17 19:08:10

She is trying to convince herself of something that isn't true, at your expense. Charming.

I had a friend who constantly competed over our body shapes and weight. She was about a 14-16. I was a 10-12 at the time and according to her I was stick thin with no boons and no curves. I never said anything negative about her and yet she constantly had to bring me down.

SaucyJack Thu 06-Apr-17 19:08:30

Maybe she is thinner than you, and you're the one with reverse body dysmorphia? ;-)

Batteriesallgone Thu 06-Apr-17 19:09:01

She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh.

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:11:03

I don't think she a bad person. Just hugely lacking in self esteem. But everyone leaves her after a while so she does need to get over this self esteem issue of no one will put up with her.

She's much bigger than me. I couldn't care less what weight she is. She used to be slim but had put on a lot of weight after having her daughter 6 years ago and it seems to have affected her greatly.

elQuintoConyo Thu 06-Apr-17 19:11:08

How fucking boring. Everytime she says something absurd, change the subject.

My DSil bores on for Spain about her weight, her clothes, her food - and comments on mine and everyone else's. After 10 years I was about to patio her ass, instead I have cut down contact. It is draining.

Cocklodger Thu 06-Apr-17 19:11:28

Body shaming works both ways Showme
Some friend she was! I presume by "had a friend" you've realised she's a dick.
Op, YANBU. Tell her straight that she's talking utter shit if you feel close enough to do so. If not then say nothing and distance yourself

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Thu 06-Apr-17 19:12:05

How strange. Did she used to be thinner than you and hasn't noticed/accepted that she has gained weight?

It's a good job you seem so level headed about it - otherwise she could give you a real complex!

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:12:25

I've said nothing as it's too stupid to comment on.

Sometimes I just laugh/cringe.

RightOnTheEdge Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:12

I'm sure I've read this before too Cocklodger.

SearchingforGrandparents Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:13

Op you need to show her this thread....

She needs a friend to point out to her that she is humiliating herself and would look best in a 16. If a friend can't point this out to her, who can? She seems to think it's acceptable to say these things to you, even though they're comically incorrect!!

Seriously though, I would show her this thread then distance myself from her! Considerably so......! X

MaidOfStars Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:17

patio her ass
Stealing this.

OP She's desperately trying to make herself feel better.

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:24

I've got a good figure and know she's only doing it because of lack of confidence. So her words don't bother me. I just feel embarrassed for her.

She knows she's got big as she does try to dirt but gives up and I've never seen her lose even a few pounds.

HecateAntaia Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:13:47


TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 06-Apr-17 19:15:25

I would cut her off every time. Find a neutral sounding form of words that makes it crystal clear you don't want to talk about weight/bodies and repeat it like a mantra every time she starts.

TheRealPooTroll Thu 06-Apr-17 19:22:35

It's impossible without meeting you both to know which one of you is the deluded one who's convinced they're thinner. Or maybe you both are and you're the same size grin
I have been in this situation though with my grandma. I am a size 10-12 now but was much thinner before kids. She has always been a 16-18 for as long as I can remember. She often used to be convinced that she'd lost some weight and give me her old cardies (when I was in my late teens) because they were far too big for her now. Then she'd ask why I wasn't wearing them! I managed not to say because you could fit 3 of me in them, they were full of holes and the sleeves ended round my knees. They also weren't really the kind of style I would buy myself. She always thought they looked nice when I tried them on though. I found it quite funny tbh.

Wickedstepmum67 Thu 06-Apr-17 19:33:16

Ooh, years ago now a colleague used to refer to me as 'the little plump one' and to be fair, I was plump. She was just plain fat though and thought herself svelte. Used to shoehorn herself into clothes two sizes too small. I guess self delusion works in mysterious ways eh? And I am also stealing the phrase 'patio her ass'. LOL

Phillipaa Thu 06-Apr-17 19:34:59

I think she wants me to feel fat as she feels fat herself.

PoorYorick Thu 06-Apr-17 19:38:21

Have you posted about this before? Like a PP, I've got deja vu.

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