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To feel lonely?

(22 Posts)
Tiggerific1984 Thu 06-Apr-17 16:42:07

I live with my partner and our 4 month old daughter and I feel so lonely.

My oh is on a zero hours contract so he takes work when it's offered and usually we are skint so when he's working I'm sat in the house doing nothing.

I have no friends and would love to make more by taking DD to groups but I've no money to take her. I've no family nearby so can't even go to them during the day. I am on maternity leave but I'm going to have to give up my job when it's over so I'm going to be stuck in here even more as oh will be going full time when I quit.

AIBU? Is it my own fault? Should I try and find money to get out to the groups?

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 06-Apr-17 17:37:48

Speak to the health visitor. In our area there was a free under ones club one day a week where I made friends and when the babies reached one we started meeting st each other's houses. Maybe see if there is something similar.

Tiggerific1984 Thu 06-Apr-17 17:38:37

I will do. Can't be much fun for the baby either being in the house all day.

JontyDoggle37 Thu 06-Apr-17 17:41:07

Tigger def speak to your health visitor - in our area the children's centre runs several groups for free and then the local church also runs baby/toddler groups and they even provide breakfast for the kids - they ask for a donation of £1, so it's not much at all. By the time you get two or three of those going a week, you'll feel much better.

Tiggerific1984 Thu 06-Apr-17 19:51:51

I'll speak to the health visitor and she what she suggests. But sometimes even getting a spare quid can be hard.

Mammylamb Thu 06-Apr-17 20:33:57

Hi, does your local library have bookbug or rhyme time sessions? I met most of my mum friends through these classs. Also check what local council groups there are. The city that I'm in has loads of free council run groups. Good luck xx

Mammylamb Thu 06-Apr-17 20:34:57

And go for some nice long walks with the pram!

Tiggerific1984 Thu 06-Apr-17 21:44:04

I think the library has the bookbugs sessions. I'll find out when they are and take her along.

There's nowhere to walk about here. Well there's a nice park but it's about 2 miles away uphill

buntingqueen Thu 06-Apr-17 21:51:59

Do you know what, I'm sat here feeling exactly the same. I gave up work to be a SAHM, and really really miss it, although I love being at home too! Also no family nearby.
The difference is, we are comfortable financially, and I have some friends locally. But actually, all I want is my DH home occasionally. That's not meant to rub it in or anything, just that it's not always black and white. I do go to groups. I generally find church-run groups very cheap, approx £1 a session around here, although I have struggled to make friends at these places as lost people come along with someone they already know. However, I think it is very important for your sanity to take your DC to these things. They will get so much out of it, and hopefully you will too.

buntingqueen Thu 06-Apr-17 21:54:13

*most people, not lost!

Leeds2 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:03:41

Would also agree to ask your Health Visitor for recommendations. Also look up Sure Start centres, if there are any near you.
Go to the library story time sessions, as a pp has suggested. You may, or may not, make friends but your DD will enjoy it.
My Tesco used to do a toy library every week, when a big caravan would pull up in the car park for parents and DC to visit. To be fair, I haven't seen it for a while but, if you have one, go along just to borrow a toy.

Itsjustaphase2016 Thu 06-Apr-17 22:07:23

You should go to your park that's 2 miles away! You have ALL day to walk there and back! When I was on mat leave, I honestly think I walked about 8 miles a day with the buggy! Dc liked it and calmed them, gave me some exercise and fresh air.

Waddlelikeapenguin Thu 06-Apr-17 22:13:10

Walk to a playpark there will be other people with kids to chat to. Library sessions are brilliant & free (& round here the staff are just lovely) it's a great way to meet people local to you. Go walk around a free museum or gallery.

Salvation army do free play session i think.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Thu 06-Apr-17 22:13:30

If your OH is on a zero hours contract on poor money, why cant he be the SAHP and you go back to work if your job is more stable and pays more?

I'm afraid the scenario you describe is a one way ticket to isolation and depression. There is no fun in being stuck at home with no one to talk to and counting every penny. I just wouldn't do it.

JustMumNowNotMe Thu 06-Apr-17 22:17:04

I started a similar thread a few days ago, about not knowing anyone here and feeling lonely. Someone recommended Mummy Social - I know the name is horrendous but I joined and now I'm meeting 3 other mums next week for coffee/walk at the beach/park! smile

Give it a go! I live really rurally but there are tonnes of parents near me on it! smile

Waddlelikeapenguin Thu 06-Apr-17 22:36:22

I forgot, our local swimming pool has free baby/toddler & parent sessions - they were brilliant.

Tiggerific1984 Thu 06-Apr-17 23:45:48

If I go back to work he wouldn't be able to work due to the nursery hours. He'd need to be able to drop her off and pick her up as I'd be out the house 7am till 7pm Mon to Fri . Then because I'd be full time we wouldn't get help with rent etc and I'd be having to pay 800 a month nursery fees and full rent etc and I only make 1100 a month. Where if I quit we would get help and he can still work when required. We've looked into it and it's the only way we can do it. But as soon as she gets her free nursery i would be going back to work so it's only for a wee while.

Also I need to pay 300 to go back to work.

Neverknowing Thu 06-Apr-17 23:53:31

Have a look at sure start centres they do classes for babies. They ask for a donation sometimes but only if you can afford it, you may want to chat to someone from sure start any way as they can help you with things to baby proof your house and other expenses too! They're really good.
Also have a quick look at the entitledto website as if you're really that skint you may be able to claim some benefits to help.
Sounds crap for you op flowers

LilacSpatula Fri 07-Apr-17 00:07:23

Do you go to a weighing clinic? If you do, try and have a chat with some other Mums there and see if you can find someone else who is feeling similarly. I'm sure there are lots of people feeling the same. My DD is 4months old but I have family around and lots of convenient places to go. Check there is nothing you don't know about...my health visitor was shipped in from another area and gave me all the wrong information for where I live, which was far from helpful!

ChocolateSherberts2017 Fri 07-Apr-17 03:57:42

If your OH is on a zero hours contract on poor money, why cant he be the SAHP and you go back to work if your job is more stable and pays more?

What StillDrivingMeBonkers meant was that your dp should give up work to become the stay at home parent while you return to work full time. You have the permanent work contract whilst his is an unstable zero contract one. Can he look for a better paid job for the future as kids are quite expensive! Check to see if both of you are entitled to any free or subsidised courses & childcare to improve your future financial & employment prospects.

Are you receiving your maternity pay & child benefit & tax credits? Can you make savings in your budget to pay for a baby group? Check here to see if you're entitled to anything extra

www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

Can you switch utilities, broadband & mobile contracts to cheaper deals? Do you have an ALDI or Lidl nearby to switch your grocery shopping to?

Others have mentioned that the church ones are usually £1 & library groups are free. Those groups are a good way to meet people. Are you in touch with anyone from work?

Tiggerific1984 Fri 07-Apr-17 08:11:21

I worked in security with all males really. So not in contact with them. I'm getting all the benefits I can just now.

Like I explained if I go back to work full time my oh couldn't work and we'd be worse off.

He might be zero hours but it means he can work as much as he wants. Just now it's a bit quiet but it's starting to pick up. He's only done 5 shifts so far this month and he's at 300. It's not the best money but I was only getting 320 a week full time. So we won't be skint shortly it's just the quiet period.

But I'll try all the suggestions. Thanks.

Tiggerific1984 Fri 07-Apr-17 08:14:10

Chocolate, he may be on a zero hours contract but he earns more than me. Because he can work as much as he wants. I was better off when I was on a zero hours contract to when I went full time.

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