To give terrible feedback...?

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I had another consultant appointment today for my pregnancy and it's the second time I have seen this particular doctor (not the lead consultant). The first time he made me cry, questioning why I was on anxiety medication in a really inappropriate way and being a bit of a sexist, arrogant buffoon.

I didn't make any kind of complaint last time although he did really set me back on terms of my mental health.

So, today I go in and he immediately was dismissive of my anxiety and questioning why I was on medication- I explained the reasons and said my GP, the lead consultant and my mental health consultant all agreed that it was better to do so. This seemingly was not good enough as he rolled his eyes several times and said 'but do YOU feel that you need it' - it has changed my life, I was having up to 25 panic attacks a day and now some days I don't have any so yes, he rolled his eyes again.

I then explained I was getting pain, he dismissed it and said he was not worried. I asked about the growth of the baby as the sonographer had said the baby was big and they may test for diabetes. He just waived his hand dismissively and didn't answer when I asked about that. Well, put it this way, he laughed at me and behaved entirely inappropriately throughout and DP fully agreed that he was terrible both times.

Anyway, at the end he asked me to complete a feedback form for him - this apparently was meant to be 'anonymous' but he wanted me to complete it in front of him. I pulled up my big girls pants and despite being a tad anxious I gave him really low scores with feedback about how he had made me feel. --I then ran out.
--
DP thinks I'm ruthless and I should have just given him decent scores as we will likely see him again but I feel justified- I don't want to get him in trouble but it's not okay to treat people like that in my mind. So, who is BU - me or DP?

[LittleWingSoul]

Could you ask to see a different consultant? Sounds like you had an awful experience, and I would have probably done the same on the feedback form, but it will take a while for that information to trickle down to the relevant person... might be quicker to ask for someone new.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[DimsieMaitland]

YANBU
Well done - you've done something that will, potentially, improve the care given to lots of other women.
I always regret not having complained about the consultant I saw when expecting DD2, who was dismissive, rude and unhelpful. I voted with my feet and refused to see him any more but never explained why.
You can also decline to see him again. You have choices, and giving honest feedback was a great one.

[Floggingmolly]

In what way was the questioning re. your medication inappropriate?

[OlennasWimple]

You did the right thing to give him honest feedback.

But if DP was there, why wasn't he intervening and advocating on your behalf?

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Oh believe me I will be refusing to see him again but I want him to change his behaviour- I know he deals with these things everyday and that he's far more qualified than me but women are vulnerable in pregnancies and it's not okay to behave that way!!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Floggingmolly - he said whilst the door was open and loudly 'you don't need anxiety medication woman - you look absolutely fine' and then told me how it would harm my baby.

I had only just agreed to start taking it and was very vulnerable at that stage.

[Floggingmolly]

If you're going to make a complaint you'll have to be very specific as to what form his "behaving entirely inappropriately throughout" your appointment took.

[PinkHeart59156816]

I think as long as the feedback you gave was absouletly true then you done the right thing, what is the point in feedback forms if people lie that doesn't achieve anything

[Floggingmolly]

Is that true? Is it contraindicated in pregnancy?

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Olenna he did try, and said several times that i wouldn't take anything i don't need but he was equally as dismissive of him to be honest.

[RedStripeIassie]

Sounds like a horrible experience. You need to give truthful experience to change things. Some people get so ahead in their careers that they lose sight of how to treat people in a people facing job.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

FloggingMolly no it's entirely safe, I was being seen by a specialist in pre and post natal mental health and she was fully aware of my pregnancy. Every doctor I have seen (other than him) has said it was totally safe.

[SheSparkles]

Well done on the big girl pants and being honest, especially given your issues with anxiety. That's a lot more than most people without anxiety problems would be able to do! Hope you keep well and can have a healthy pregnancy

[clapintime]

There's little point in asking for feedback if the patients are too intimidated to give it honestly.
Good on you op, maybe he'll be a bit more thoughtful with his next patient.

[AnyFarrahFowler]

His attitude stinks and you did the right thing. Sounds like a really horrible experience.

I still regret not complaining about a Dr I saw when I'd been referred by my GP. I was 17 and found a lump in my breast, and with family history of breast cancer I was seen quite quickly. I was told "You are not an emergency. The 55 year old who doesn't make a fuss, she is the emergency". To this day it makes my blood boil, but I was 17 and vulnerable, and just so happy that it was nothing untoward that I never followed up with a complaint.

Sorry you experienced this, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

[UnbornMortificado]

I've been kept on one MH med (amitripiline) and the consultant was fine with it. I like to be on good terms with people who spend a fair chunk of time with there hands up me.

Just had surgery so not an exaggeration. That Dr's seen more of my bits then DH this past week.

Ask to change consultant if you can. You need some element of trust

[Mombie2016]

marceline I was and am still on anxiety medication. Peri Natal team, Consultant and midwife all happy with it. New GP started at my surgery and called me in to review and told me I was "a stupid little girl" for taking it and my baby "would be deformed" and had I even told anyone I was pregnant?

I was 8 months. My baby was/is fine. I was 30 so not a little girl either.

I just sat there with my mouth open gawping like an idiot then stuttered that the PNP team were fine, she was over stepping her boundaries and then as I walked out the door I gave her the finger

And I, like you, looked "fine" because of the meds.

Ignore and complain.

[FrenchFrys]

My mental health medicine was changed. The doctor said this was one was safe for breast feeding. But the medication I was on before, she told me I was harming my baby and giving her autism . So I came off it and my anxiety went through the roof! I'm surprised I wasn't sectioned during that period.

[SapphireStrange]

Your DP is being silly.

Good for you for being honest. The consultant sounds like a tit.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Anyfarrah that's awful- this is why I gave the feedback, I don't want anyone to go through what I have just experienced as more vulnerable than me people go in to see him. That sounds like such a horrific experience for you- but you were young and probably wouldn't now put up with that

[UnbornMortificado]

Sorry that sounded a bit lighthearted it wasn't supposed to.

Anxiety and panic attacks are horrible and medication that helps can be a lifesaver. If your in the north-east I can give you the details of a good consultant.

The MH team will know more about the medication risks and study's then the gyna side, my consultant even said this.

[Crunchymum]

I am guessing he may just bin your feedback OP.

I think you need to make a proper complaint.

[arbrighton]

Please don't leave it there, please check with PALS about how to make a complaint.

You need to write down exactly what was said now, while it's still fresh

[DJBaggySmalls]

YANBU, well done
I agree with taking it further with PALS.

[diddl]

"'you don't need anxiety medication woman - you look absolutely fine' "

Good grief-he needs retraining just for that!