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Aibu to feel like this or am I being too sensitive

(5 Posts)
user1491480347 Thu 06-Apr-17 13:49:31

Just wanted a moan really and wondering if anyone in the same position and how you deal with it. Never had a particularly close relationship with my mum but the last few years, especially having daughters of my own, I am feeling upset and sad by the relationship we do/or don't have. She's always been quite judgmental criticizes most things I do, puts me down in front of others (then claims it was a joke and I'm too sensitive) my friends growing up often asked me why my mum was so mean to me, she still does it now even though I'm a fully grown women with children of my own. I just find it really sad as I see friends and my in laws who have great relationships with their mums and I kind of feel like I've been cheated then I question myself and blame myself. I never feel good enough and feel that I have disappointed her in some way never lived up to her expectations. I have four beautiful children 2 from a previous marriage and 2 from my current relationship all my kids are well behaved, well mannered however she constantly tells me I have too many children and that I'm crazy. If I ever need a moan about one of the kids she shoots me down straight away and says it is my fault i have too many. She brings up things from my teenage years from my past marriage all the time, god know why, I think its to make my feel guilty or bad and it does. She never shows me any affection, the last time she told me she loved me was when i was a small child. I try my best work hard, have returned to higher education (she loves this and tells everyone how great I'm doing, except me) however the other week a family member was asking about my studies as her daughter is also studying and my mum piped up with "yes but your daughters 18 mines 30 for god sake she should of gone when she was 18 instead of getting pregnant" I felt completely humiliated it was so out of the blue I thought we were having a nice afternoon. My partner must of saw the look of hurt on my face and pretended he had just had a call and we needed to go home, I finally thought I was making her proud and she shot me down. I visited with my family on mother day and some family including my grandmother were all round at my parents tucking into a buffet again I felt humiliated as I wasn't invited and left fairly quickly so they didn't see my upset. In some ways shes great bends over backwards for my eldest 2 children (doesn't really bother with the younger ones) has in the past helped my out financially after my first marriage broke down. I just feel like she doesn't like me that much I have no siblings and often feel quite lonely. She often goes on nights/days out with her sisters, cousins and i'm never invited. So sorry for the long rant just needed to get this off my chest as its been playing on my mind a lot lately

Fairweather123 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:02:20

Couldn't just read and run...

My first thought reading your post was what has your mum achieved in her life? It sounds like you've lived a lot and achieved a lot! You have 4 great children and you're continuing to improve your life by going to university. Please don't let her ridiculous comment undermine your achievement, many uni students are older for a variety of reasons. My sister went to uni for the first time at 40 and is now a nurse, she didn't want to go when she was 18.

In my experience people who put others down in the manner your mum is are normally very miserable in their own lives and feel unfulfilled. They can't bare to see others achieving things they never did. Did your mum want more than one child? Does your mum have an unfulfilling job? Is it a job she always wanted or one she settled rather than pursue her own ambitions?

Fairweather123 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:04:33

Also just wanted to say, you can't change her but you can try your hardest to make sure you have the kind of relationship with your children you always wanted with your mum. x

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:07:43

I have been nc with my dm because of similar attitude. .
Your dc would much rather have a happy dm than see you unhappy trying to battle to have a nice relationship with a not very nice woman. My dc aren't suffering not having a gm I am sure!!

user1491480347 Thu 06-Apr-17 14:52:36

My mums achieved quite a lot in her life, but not as much as I think she would of liked to. My eldest child finds her behavior towards me very odd and at times quite upsetting, to the point where their relationship isn't great anymore. My partner feels that she may be jealous of me and that's why she tries to drag me down, I can't understand it though I'm her daughter and find it really upsetting. I can't ever imagining saying anything hurtful towards my children (or anyone come to think of it). I am determined to be the best mum I can to my children and support them its just very hurtful my mum doesn't feel the same way. Its effected my self esteem as I have got older, the sad thing is though she doesn't see it. I was diagnosed last year with depression and anxiety tried to discuss it with her but she didn't want to know told me not to accept the medication as it would mean I was weak, however if anyone else is having a hard time she's nothing but supportive and helpful, must just be me she doesn't like confused Sorry Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 crap isn't it

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