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"Well of course I was going to tell BF"

(714 Posts)
WarwickDavisAsPlates Thu 06-Apr-17 09:08:27

I originally wrote quite a long post detailing the entire situation and how this came up but it got too long.

So basically what I want to know is: if a friend told you something and said "but please don't tell anyone" would you think that included your OH?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:09:38

I would assume my dh was in the 'anyone' category and not tell him. .

AnneBiscuit Thu 06-Apr-17 09:10:29

Yes. If i told someone something in confidence then I'd expect them not to tell anyone else.

ProudBadMum Thu 06-Apr-17 09:10:56

If personal then no. Not my place to tell anyone. My fella isn't arsed about hearing stuff so don't tell him anything.

But I tell my best mate everything depending on what it is though blush

TuddlesAndSisses Thu 06-Apr-17 09:10:58

From another perspective, I don't think I would tell anyone anything I'd expect them to keep secret from their partner.

Scribblegirl Thu 06-Apr-17 09:13:45

If I want someone to not share it with their partner then I will mention them by name e.g. 'Please don't tell anyone, not even Simon'.

I tend to tell DP stuff that is irrelevant to his life - where he doesn't know the person or scenario. I like to get his advice when I'm trying to help someone as he's got great intuition.

But if it affects someone we both know we do put up a bit of a Chinese wall (served us well when my best mate was having a three month fling with his friend!)

CherieBabySpliffUp Thu 06-Apr-17 09:15:15

The OH comes under the general umbrella of "anyone" so of course I wouldn't hmm

thecatsarecrazy Thu 06-Apr-17 09:16:19

In the past I've told "d"h and then he's gone and opened his mouth so I wouldn't anymore

talulahbelle Thu 06-Apr-17 09:17:34

If it's someone he doesn't know then I'll tell him. Otherwise not. My DH has very little interest in any gossip though so probably wouldn't take it in anyway.

ImCatbug Thu 06-Apr-17 09:19:50

If I'm told something I will tell DH, but he doesn't listen/care and absolutely would not tell anyone. I am so bad at secrets and tend to just waffle on about things at home
BUT I would only tell DH.

ChilliMum Thu 06-Apr-17 09:21:00

Yes of course, I would never betray a friends confidence.
Only exception would be if it was something that affected dh significantly in which case my loyalty would be with my dh, although I would tell my friend at the time that I would need to tell dh.

LiveLifeWithPassion Thu 06-Apr-17 09:22:02

I would assume that included dh and not tell him. Some stuff is really personal and I want to honour the trust people put into my friendship.
I have a friend who has to tell her dh everything. I just don't tell her anything that I don't want shared.

badabing36 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:22:27

All these perfect people never tell their partners anything.

Of course I would tell him, he doesn't count, he wouldn't care or tell anyone else anyway. I just don't like to have unexpressed thoughts in my head 😁.

If someone actually said 'don't tell anyone even Dp' I wouldn't tell him probably . Plus everyone knows not to tell me secrets in the 1st place.

ScrambledSmegs Thu 06-Apr-17 09:23:08

Yes, I would assume that he was included in 'anyone' and not tell him.

KoolKoala07 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:23:36

Me and Dh generally tell each other everything but it never goes further when I tell him things.

TheSnowFairy Thu 06-Apr-17 09:24:06

If I was asked to keep something secret from DH I would feel uncomfortable.

That1950sMum Thu 06-Apr-17 09:24:31

I would tell my partner. He probably wouldn't listen so secret would still be safe.
If someone specifically said not to tell my partner, then I would respect that (or ask them not to tell me in the first place!)

Booboo27 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:25:34

I would maybe tell my DP as he doesn't know any of my friends and isnt the sort of person who would ever say anything anyway. It would depend how personal it was though as I would hate very personal things about me being discussed with my friend's partners (e.g. My sex life, relationship concerns I'm having or money worries)

taraboomdeyay Thu 06-Apr-17 09:25:50

IMO your friend should not confide in you. confused

CheckpointCharlie2 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:27:56

One of my best friends told me something a couple of years ago about her and a horrific thing that happened to her and she asked me not to tell anyone, so I didn't tell anyone! Not even DH.

I don't think it's wrong to ask someone to keep a very personal secret.

Floofborksnootandboop Thu 06-Apr-17 09:29:15

IMO your friend should not confide in you
How do you know it's the op whose told her OH something rather than the op confinding in a friend who went and told someone? hmm

SquedgieBeckenheim Thu 06-Apr-17 09:30:32

I wouldn't tell DH, but even if I did he'd forget 24 hours later!

UndersecretaryofWhimsy Thu 06-Apr-17 09:32:45

I generally assume anything I tell someone with a spouse/partner will be shared with that spouse/partner, unless specified otherwise. If I didn't want someone to tell their partner, I'd say "please don't tell anyone, including [partner]". If someone said "please don't tell ANYONE" to me, I would assume that included DH and not tell him. Otherwise, I probably would.

ShoesHaveSouls Thu 06-Apr-17 09:36:09

It would depend very much on what it was, and who the friend was. I have some friends who don't really know DH at all - and I know my DH would never gossip or pass on anything I told him, so it would be safe to tell him stuff.

But, if it was a friend that interacted with DH a fair bit, I may not tell him.

morningconstitutional2017 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:36:24

I think you'd better keep it to yourself. They may not admit it but many men are notorious gossips and sometimes can't help themselves. If it's repeated then it'll come back to you. I know it's tempting but don't.

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