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AIBU re Wedding Invite

(79 Posts)
AppleShampoo Thu 06-Apr-17 06:58:29

My boyfriend of nearly four years was invited to one of his friend's wedding. The invite came through last year with only his name on it.

I totally accept that a couple have a limited number of people that they can invite to their wedding and I am not particularly close to this couple so I just assumed that I wasn't invited but I was still a tiny bit upset at being left out, as I would have loved to help them celebrate their big day.

I got the feeling that my boyfriend didn't really want me there from the start, as when I expressed disappointment that I hadn't been invited he said something along the lines of 'well you wouldn't go anyway'. This is not true - I would have gone and enjoyed myself as I love happy days such as weddings.

I don't know if this was his clumsy way of trying to make me feel better. Anyway, I quickly accepted the situation and got on with my life.

However, a message came through from the groom yesterday asking my boyfriend if I was coming to the wedding (which is Saturday). Without even asking me, my boyfriend has replied that I have other things on and won't be able make it!

I don't have any plans. I think it's a bit odd that he has responded (knowing that I was disappointed not to get an invite in the first place) saying I can't attend without even discussing this with me.

Am I over-reacting or does he clearly just not want me there?

Chloe84 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:01:03

He doesn't want you there. I would have to know why.

Creampastry Thu 06-Apr-17 07:02:18

He clearly doesn't want you there..... bit of a red flag. Did you ask BF why he said you have things on? Makes you look a bit up your arse if you can't be bothered to go to the weddings because you "have things on".... as your BF has gone down this route.

disappearingfish Thu 06-Apr-17 07:02:30

He doesn't want you there. But TBH I would be a bit hmm at the last minute invitation.

Your BF might even have asked the groom not to invite you.

How is your relationship with your BF generally?

booloobalooloo Thu 06-Apr-17 07:02:44

You're not over reacting. I'd be asking him why. Though, how do you know about the message? Seems rather mean if he told you, knowing that you want to go....

Ifailed Thu 06-Apr-17 07:04:32

Spend Saturday finding another BF.

Shurleyshummishtake Thu 06-Apr-17 07:09:56

That is odd
Why is the groom inviting you so last minute? And the way that is worded is odd- wouldnt he be saying more 'sorry it's last minute and I know she wasn't in the invite but now you have been together a while we would like to invite her'.

Strongly suspect he has mentioned it before and your BF fudged the issue so the groom is clarifying.

BF doesn't want you there.
He either wants a piss up with his mates or he has an ex there.

It is rude and thoughtless and hurtful and although it might sound a massive over reaction I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who did that

I would never speak for my partner like that and refuse him an invite when I know he wants to go and wouldn't expect him to do it to me either so I'd be explaining that and moving on.

Life is too short to settle for an arsehole.

Wellitwouldbenice Thu 06-Apr-17 07:10:22

Why doesn't he want you there? Who's going to be there? hmm

taraboomdeyay Thu 06-Apr-17 07:10:55

YADNBU. Four year relationship + invite interference = lack of respect for your relationships and therefore a major problem for you. Look for the presence at the wedding of a crush, an ex girlfriend or mates that BF socialises with without you. Sorry, OP.

taraboomdeyay Thu 06-Apr-17 07:11:46

Cross posts with two previous!

skerrywind Thu 06-Apr-17 07:20:32

Did you see the original invite?
How do you know the groom your BF got this last message from the groom? Did you overhear or did BF tell you?

I would be digging deeper on this- sounds like there is some reason he wants to be seen as single at this wedding.

healthyheart Thu 06-Apr-17 07:22:26

What Ifailed said!

KeiraH Thu 06-Apr-17 07:22:56

He doesn't want you there and I would want to know why. Totally disrespectful and not something I d put up with. Have you asked him for his reasons?

Agerbilatemycardigan Thu 06-Apr-17 07:23:52

He really doesn't want you to go to this wedding OP. If this were my OH I'd have some serious questions about my relationship.

LineysRun Thu 06-Apr-17 07:24:31

How did the message arrive?

WateryTart Thu 06-Apr-17 07:25:38

Well, he obviously doesn't want you there. I'd be asking him why. I think you were invited but he didn't tell you.

LagunaBubbles Thu 06-Apr-17 07:25:43

I'm sorry he clearly doesn't want you there.

WateryTart Thu 06-Apr-17 07:25:54

Oh, and I'd be going as well.

Purplepicnic Thu 06-Apr-17 07:27:17

Agree with others, he doesn't want you there. He's also made you look bad to his friends, although they were a bit vague/last minute with the invite situation.

You should just ask him why he doesn't want you there.

BumbumMcTumtum Thu 06-Apr-17 07:27:26

I think he (BF) didn't think to ask you when the groom asked. I reckon it's thoughtless more than not wanting you there.

FluffyWhiteTowels Thu 06-Apr-17 07:27:56

He clearly and very definitely doesn't want you there. He is comfortable making decisions about you. He doesn't care how his decisions make you look to others ... in this case would make you look awful when socialising in future years with the couple.

Do you really see a future with him ? Do you feel loved and adored and cherished?

Sorry but I think you're at a crossroad ... stay in relationship and be trodden on until he decides to finally leave or open you eyes to the world around you, embrace each new day and go out and be truly happy without him.

elQuintoConyo Thu 06-Apr-17 07:28:53

Rather arseholeish behaviour!

I'd spend Saturday packing up his crap into binbags and dropping it round his mum's.

Livelovebehappy Thu 06-Apr-17 07:32:23

Did you see the oringinal invite? I think you may have been his plus one all along but he didn't want you there so told you you weren't invited. I really don't think someone would invite people last minute to a wedding as generally numbers are decided and paid for well before the wedding. I would have to confront him, as he doesn't sound that committed to your relationship.

LindyHemming Thu 06-Apr-17 07:36:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick Thu 06-Apr-17 07:40:48

I'd be wondering who was going he didn't want me around that's for sure.

It's more likely he just wants a piss up with his mates but either way I'd want to know why. Are you especially clingy or something?

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