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To think life's pleasure dwindles as you get older?

(165 Posts)
Melaniaspilatesinstructor Thu 06-Apr-17 03:30:47

Once you're 30 and you start realising that the people you love are going to get ill and die, the food you eat and have been given depends on animal cruelty to exist.
People you love, hurt each other or want to say negative things about each other to you.
It's so hard to stay afloat financially and so easy to get into debt.
Clothes we wear are usually due to someone in the world being exploited, also iPhones.

So we give up meat, dairy, gossip (and allowing people to gossip to us) give up spending money we don't have (which means no holidays, family visiting, outings)

Even having babies (which is beautiful and sweet and wonderful) is scary because they depend so entirely on us being functional and we constantly worry about them.

We give up sugar to lower our cancer risk knowing that lots of people get it anyway.
When I see elderly people struggling with loneliness it makes me feel so sad especially my own grandmother who has lost my mother and her husband, now her sight and her mobility to an extent.
It's like life puts things into perspective and all that's important is loving others but all the while knowing you might lose them at any time and giving up comforts that got you through.

Life's just less enjoyable with all this ^ in mind.

AIBU? Or have some of you managed to hold all this and still feel happy?

londonrach Thu 06-Apr-17 03:46:02

Seriously i think its actually increases.

Patienceisvirtuous Thu 06-Apr-17 04:20:12

I know what you mean Melania. I take a mild ssri which helps...

Melaniaspilatesinstructor Thu 06-Apr-17 04:22:32

I don't feel depressed. I just feel in touch with reality. I have energy/am not sad. I feel like my relationships are more important than anything else now.
Just less excited perhaps about it all.

MrsPeelyWaly Thu 06-Apr-17 04:27:44

At 59 I have a lot of pleasure in life.

thecatfromjapan Thu 06-Apr-17 04:40:24

Hmm. I don't know what to say about your OP.

I've always been politically aware (although that dropped off while the children were small), so I think I channelled an awareness of social ills with a desire to try and change them. One of the things I'm looking forward to in my coming decades is more time to increase my political involvement.

Likewise, I've been aware of life's finitude since I was quite small. I think my answer to that is to cherish what is.

I guess what I'm saying is that awareness of life's sad aspects is surely not enough. Shouldn't you try and act on that awareness?

treaclesoda Thu 06-Apr-17 05:19:24

I've found the opposite as I've got older. I've learned to appreciate the smaller things in life, and to worry less about the things that are beyond my control. Even though some aspects of life are getting harder (elderly parents, people becoming ill etc), I just generally find more contentment and happiness.

Arcadia Thu 06-Apr-17 05:23:00

I find the opposite. But I had a difficult childhood/teens and have always been all too aware of the negative side of life but cope with it better as I get older. I don't remember ever being 'carefree' as a child/teen, I now have more techniques to deal with that tendency though. Mindfulness meditation has particularly helped.

Arcadia Thu 06-Apr-17 05:24:13

Cross post treacle! smile

LittleKiwi Thu 06-Apr-17 05:27:56

I find the opposite. I've got happier and happier as I've got older (now 33).

Beachhairdontcare Thu 06-Apr-17 06:56:24

I find the opposite, I'm much happier now I'm older. I care less what people think of me, appreciate what is important more, and have increased disposable income. I would probably be happier still if I had the boobs I used to, and if I was as 'fat' as I used to think I was, but that's just life I guess.

JoandMax Thu 06-Apr-17 06:59:52

I'm opposite view too, my 30s are a lot more enjoyable than my 20s. There's a much greater sense of contentment and self confidence in knowing who I am and what makes me happy.

Justreadingtheforum Thu 06-Apr-17 07:02:13

I'm the opposite I'm vegan so don't worry about food and eat lots of cake. I'm very fit and exercise a lot with normal body weight. I love my husband and he makes me happy, child free so get to have lots of holidays. In my 40s and I am happy.

Bluntness100 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:02:54

I think life is full of joy, yes there is negatives but there is also huge positives and it depends on which you wish to focus. You seem to be focusing on the negatives. For example instead of focusing on fact someone might die, why not focus on enjoying your time with them. Enjoy the food you eat but ensure it's ethically sourced.

I'd say I'm fundamentally a happy person, and yes I'm also in touch with reality.

I think you're either an optimist or a pessimist, but your post is sad and I would also be concerned you are suffering from depression.

Bluntness100 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:06:05

I'd also say I have suffered hardship, I had an appalling childhood which I won't go into detail on. But I think if you come through something like that and understand what it's really like to have a terrible life, you appreciate much more when you don't.

Mari50 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:12:35

Once you're 30?? Seriously? I thought I was miserable (I am!) but I've waited until at least 45 to realise that by 55 it's going to get a bit less exciting. At 30 life was amazing! And at 30 I wasn't giving up anything.

lasttimeround Thu 06-Apr-17 07:13:54

Like other posters I felt like this much more in my teens. My 20s I felt lost. From 30 onwards it got better. As I get older I feel I see more about how things work themselves out snd feel more the mysterious wierd joy of being alive. It's not my job anymore to solve all the ways the world is deficit or even to understand all the ways jn which it fails. It is my job to love and live in spite of that as best I can. That's how I feel anyway or how my perspective on where I stand in light of these realisations.
I'm curious that you are going through this so intensely now. Do you think there's a reason for this?

TheNaze73 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:20:23

I think the total opposite.

Floisme Thu 06-Apr-17 07:24:14

No. The closer I get to old age, the more I appreciate life.

Jaimx86 Thu 06-Apr-17 07:24:16

I'm with you, Op.
if I lived in a bubble, ignorant of what goes on outside of my daily life, I'd be so happy. I love where I live, have career success and DP and I have great family that live close by. Personally, I know nobody in I'll health or with money problems so everything appears 'hunky dory'. However, I've become increasingly effected by the news, sights of vulnerable or lonely people. It makes me feel guilty for the privilege/happiness I have.
I also increasingly see animals, people, even plants, struggling to flourish as nature intended. I just didn't notice this until recent years (although I have been a vegetarian since 12 and done charity work since teens).

insancerre Thu 06-Apr-17 07:24:23

I'm the opposite
I'm happier because I don't expect life to be perfect
I make the best of what I have
This week I was elated at a promotion
It wasn't the money that excited me, it was not having to wear the uniform
Yesterday I was over the moon when I got home from work as my neighbour has cut down the massive trees that made my garden dark and gloomy

Smeaton Thu 06-Apr-17 07:25:36

The ills of the world will be there whether they grind you down with them or not.
The best thing one can do is to acknowledge them, help where you can but ultimately ignore them.
Allowing others to rob your joy is no way to live.

Whatatododo Thu 06-Apr-17 07:26:23

Wait till you get to 50! I was full of the joys at 30.

cuirderussie Thu 06-Apr-17 07:30:34

Opposite with me too. At 45 life is darker in many ways, big responsibilities, worries, awareness of mortality, parents' generation dying, menopause looming. But I honestly feel more simple joy in things and people-nature, books, my husband, kids, friends, cooking, coffee in the morning, the daft cat's antics. It's a weird gift that's come with ageing, being able to be happy.

You sound a bit depressed and overwhelmed OP. 30 is still very young to be feeling world weary.

WateryTart Thu 06-Apr-17 07:31:16

I've found that I've worried less as I've got older. Retirement is wonderful, no responsibilities any more.

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