In laws not visiting(28 Posts)
We bought a house and moved into it three months ago. Dh, me and our 3 young kids.
My siblings all live maybe 30 to 40 mins away and have called in at some point to see the house.
My dh's family all live about an hours drive away. His parents and four siblings.. all married with kids. None of them have been to see our new house. I've invited each of them - sent texts saying how we'd love them to call or in conversation i might say the kids would love to show their cousins their bedrooms. And there have been a number of occasions where we know some of them have been less than a 15 minute drive from our house. We're close to a big city.
We're in contact reasonably regularly but they keep saying they're busy. But i don't believe they are so busy that they can't spare a few hours. It bugs me. My dh isn't as bothered but he would love if they visited.
We visit his family fairly regularly - maybe once every 4 to 6 weeks. I honestly think that if we didn't make the effort that we would never see them and our kids wouldn't know their cousins. And we do get on well when we're all together.
My dh is a fantastic son and brother - he would do anything for his family and they are so important to him. I just can't understand why none of them have bothered to show an interest in something that is so important to us.
We'll be calling to them at some point over easter and i'm going to have stop myself from sounding annoyed at their lack of interest.
If one of my siblings bought a new house i'd really look forward to seeing it and congratulating them on the purchase. Aibu about expecting them to visit our new home?
Is this your first home? Did they come and see you in your previous property?
So you've been in three months and they live an hour away? I think you are being unreasonable, an hour away is quite a trek for some people. Perhaps they don't see the urgency. A member of my family lives an hour away and the last time she came to my house was ten years ago. People have lives that don't revolve round you, especially if they have kids.
is perhaps 'your new house' your only topic of conversation ..... are you boring the life out of them ?
Just send another text to them all and make it more definite than a do call over sometime text, "hi everyone, would love to see you all here on Saturday or sunday after lunch about 4? Kids are dying to show off their new bedrooms, let us know if you can come, will buy giant cake in anticipation xxx" . Some families operate differently, you're house is not a priority for them at the moment. My in laws are very caring, my brothers not so much!
In laws not visiting? How some of us long for that!
Not helpful, sorry, sounds like you're hurt by this.
Instead of general texts etc, would a specific invite "we'd love you to come for a Sunday lunch, would x date or y date suit you?". If they're busy people, or disorganised people, give them a few weeks notice.
I would never send a text like that, it sounds like a summons. It would make me really annoyed and I wouldn't go. They probably think you are settling in and perhaps decorating, as people do when they move in. Just read the post again, you say the kids would love to show their Cousins their rooms, well perhaps the Cousins just aren't bothered about seeing their rooms. I'm thinking of times I've felt the need to go to in laws houses, and top of the list would be to see new baby, not new house.
Why not be more direct? "We'd love you to drop in" sounds a bit airy-fairy and is easy to get out of by people who are busy and live an hour away. Also 'drop in' smacks of just a short visit. Why not email saying 'please come to Sunday lunch and spend the day - are you free on any of the following date: x, y, z?
Why on earth do you care that they drop in to see your house? It's a house, I'm imagining walls, doors, windows - or is it actually something interesting (lighthouse, underground bunker, shared with livestock) that people might be interested in?
Houses aren't interesting to everyone, having a summons to see a house is really off-putting, being told we need to facillitate showing off is off-putting.
You need to back right off.
I find it excruciating to invite myself places even when I have a standing invite. It's my issue, I know, but I am really anxious about it and hate the idea of dropping in or just calling and saying "Tuesday?".
So, try inviting them for a specific day and activity, if you haven't already. If you have them they are getting a bit rude after 3 months.
The sad fact is- they're not that into you. Not an attitude I can understand when it comes to family but it exists and yes it is hurtful. As for the kids knowing their cousins- you will always be the one making the effort so think carefully about how much effort you want to make because you will have to keep making it. Maybe long term you'd be happier if you made less effort with your dh family and concentrated on yourselves and making local friends.
May I suggest that your DH actually phones and chats/invites/arrange for his family to visit on a future date. Then don't bother, you've made the effort. I have hosted DH's family for the weekend ostensibly for his birthday (2 weeks early). This happens once a year, sometimes twice because everyone lives a at least 2hrs+ away and they have to stay over.
Three months isn't that long, and whilst your house may be very exciting to you, it probably isn't to anyone else.
Still, I can understand you feeling a little disappointed.
Is this a particularly splendid specimin of house?
A new house is only exciting for the owners, most other people don't care unless it's the first place of their child's.
Maybe they are bored of the talk or maybe there is some other reason. If he's as wonderful as you make out maybe it's something or some one else.
Have to admit I'm wondering if you live in a lighthouse or something, that would be cool
Nobody in my house is ideal, you've escaped invasion.
I love looking at other people's houses, I'd be over like a shot!
I'd leave it for a bit and try not to mention the house, then in a month or so invite the lot of them round.
The in-laws do live a fair bit further away than your siblings by the time you factor in a return journey - it's going to take them 2 hours. If I am travelling for 2 hours, I want more than to pop in for a cup of tea! I don't necessarily expect a meal but I would want you to suggest "why don't we meet here for a walk/other activity & then back to ours".
Also, I find it really odd being shown around someone's house. I don't actually want to see their bedroom. However, if someone has just had a new bathroom or something & I have been subject to endless discussions about paint colour, type of tile etc, then I am quite happy to see the end product.
I think you're being a bit precious about showing off your new house but it sounds like it's in the context of a wider pattern of you feeling they don't make an effort?
Agree with others - why don't you invite then to Sunday lunch on a specific day. Life is busy and if you don't have specific plans, things don't get done. If you want them to come it's much better to give a clear invite than a vague one.
So if you keep visiting regularly, there's no need for them to come to you?
I don't understand the replies here - I'd be delighted to go and see my sister's new house especially if it was only an hour away.
In the nicest possible way, most people do not care about new houses, new cars, newly designed gardens and 50% do not care about new baby (I totally made the number up), but feel obliged to come and coo over a new born to be polite.
Just invite them for lunch, and don't go overboard about the new house. If it's much more expensive than their own house, they might be jealous. If it is a lot smaller and cheaper, it's cringing and they might feel fake to compliment something clearly not quite their taste.
We bought our first house over year ago then had dc my dps have come once maybe twice they live an hour away but hate driving. My inlaw live over an hour away but been every week. Difference is they like driving. To some people an hour away is as close as the next town to others the other end of the country. You visiting them so no need for them to come if they hate driving.
Have a party and invite them along with lots of other people you know?
Then they can just come and enjoy themselves without being expected to gush over your house.
Sounds like you do not so much want to see them as to want to hear their praise/envy of your house.
1 hour there, 2 or 3 hours at yours to make it worth it, 1 hour back. That's one day of their weekend really. You also go to see them every 4 to 6 weeks which is quite a bit, so it would only be the house they were coming to see and not catching up with you. Maybe they're not that intersted in houses? Personally, I'm nosey and and would have visited you by now I also can't imagine a parent, who is able, not wanting to see their child's new house. Uness they're trying not to impose and give you time to settle.
I would have an inlaw house warming lunch or bbq for them all. People often like to be invited on a specific date rather than a general come when you like.
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