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To want to make my own plans and not be made to feel like a naughty child

(3 Posts)
SomewhereNow Wed 05-Apr-17 20:42:54

I'm feeling like crap because I've managed to offend my (admittedly pretty sensitive and easy to offend) mum by making a small change in our plans to visit her this weekend.

Plan was DD14 would catch the train from where we live into town and I'd pick her up straight after when I finished work then we'd head to DM's which is a couple of hours away. However I now have a late afternoon, quite important meeting at work so am unlikely to get away on time. This would mean DD either hanging round at the station which is unmanned and not in the best area, killing time in a coffee shop somewhere or waiting at home, meaning I then have to go back and get her before setting off.

Whichever way we did it we wouldn't get to DM's till at least 8pm - the traffic will be worse because we'll hit rush hour. DM will insist on cooking even though she's tired by that time of day, I'll be knackered after a hectic week at work and could just do with a night in my own bed. So I simply suggested that it'd be easier all round if we drove up first thing on Friday instead.

I feel like I've done the sensible thing, and also what I want to do but DM is making the most passive aggressive fuss about being 'disappointed' when in reality she's missing a couple of hours of our company which I'll do my best to make up by staying a bit longer before we leave.

I get that she enjoys seeing us, I really do, but she has form for being extremely a bit controlling and I'm tired of it - I'm 40+ ffs! I'm pleased I stood up to her because I rarely do but now I feel bad and I don't think I should.

AIBU to want to make my own plans as an adult - not disregard other people's totally, but not be tied to them either?

Leeds2 Wed 05-Apr-17 20:47:14

Not unreasonable at all. As long as you are sure she hadn't organised a surprise party or some such for Thursday evening!

SomewhereNow Wed 05-Apr-17 21:38:44

No but she'll have started cooking in anticipation weeks ago and planned it like a military operation confused.

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