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to be angry at camp's reaction to dd showering

(27 Posts)
fruity21 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:26:46

DD is 8 years old and staying at a residential activity camp for 2 nights. Got a call today to tell me about an 'incident' where my daughter and another girl from her room(she is sharing with 3 other girls), had a shower together 'naked'. They had finished an activity where they had got wet and cold and dd offered the other girl to jump in the shower with her rather than wait for her to finish. They had not been told off but told that they were not allowed to have showers together. AIBU to be angry at this being treated as an 'incident'?

Natsku Wed 05-Apr-17 16:29:52

YANBU, way to try and make the girls feel ashamed or uncomfortable about a simple shower.

Swifey Wed 05-Apr-17 16:30:40

Ridiculous, they're children for goodness sake, not sexual predators!

UserSchmooser Wed 05-Apr-17 16:31:06

"They had not been told off" therefore you're being unreasonable.

This wouldn't have been an 'incident' at my school and certainly not something to call parents about but it would have likely been informally mentioned among teachers as a heads-up.

AS 'incident' has such a loose (and useless) definition, you don't need to give it a second thought. Perhaps mention it to DS that some children like privacy when showering and then forget about it.

fruity21 Wed 05-Apr-17 16:36:26

Yes UserShmooser - think i am attaching too much importance to the word 'incident'

228agreenend Wed 05-Apr-17 16:45:44

I think it's good they made you aware of the sitution but it all sounds totally innocent.

moggle Wed 05-Apr-17 16:47:39

I used to go on Brownie camps and I guess if this had happened we would have informed the parents just so they know (awkward if kids start talking about having showers with others to parents first), but it doesn't sound like they have been told off at all so I think it's fine. It is generally a good idea to have a 'shower on your own' rule so I think it's fine that they've been reminded of this.
I guess YABU, to assume the worst of the adults running the camp. But I guess they WBU to call you about it - a mention at collection would probably have been more appropriate

BastardBloodAndSand Wed 05-Apr-17 16:48:31

I think you need to look at it from there point of view op. Imagine the outcry if something sexual had happened (( and these things do sadly )) on their watch.

That said they're still in the wrong and should supervise better.

TeaBelle Wed 05-Apr-17 16:48:49

There may well be issues with other children on the camp that make it important to enforce a single shower user rule.

SingingSilver Wed 05-Apr-17 16:59:15

Huh? When I went away on school trips we were made to shower together - 3 or 4 in the single cubicle, simply to save time. Same age too. Difference is, the adults didn't see SCARY SEX looming around every corner back then.

Is it definitely a rule that kids can't shower together? It's a lot of nonsense otherwise.

GreenPeppers Wed 05-Apr-17 16:59:46

I would ask them what they mean by incident and whether they would treat that as an 'issue' and would be recorded.

LovingLola Wed 05-Apr-17 17:02:06

You can be sure that some parents would have been outraged and fuming if their child came home and said that she had shared a shower with another child.
Probably easier all round to just say one at a time in the shower.

MrDacresEUSubsidy Wed 05-Apr-17 17:14:40

They do know that lots of showers in gyms and swimming pools are communal, don't they? Calling it an 'incident' seems to be attaching way too much drama to what was, by the sounds of it, quite a simple and straightforward shared shower.

Craiconwithit Wed 05-Apr-17 17:23:35

Incident really? My 8 yr old son and his mate always share a shower after swimming class as do several of the other kids. We had communal showers at school after PE.
I can't see the issue/incident in this at all.

CountessOfStrathearn Wed 05-Apr-17 17:27:46

An "incident" is fairly bland terminology. Some parents would go bananas at girls sharing a shower and they didn't know that your reaction would be sensible.

The leaders have just let the parents concerned know for transparency sake (to prevent suggestions that they kept it a secret) and the girls have been reminded about the one child in the shower at a time rule. You are making it out to be much more than it actually is.

fruity21 Wed 05-Apr-17 17:27:59

Exactly MrDacresEUsubsidy, and as there are 4 of them sharing a room and one small shower/WC cubicle, they are going to be seeing each other naked,so what difference 2 of them standing in the shower together makes I really don't know. I think they are covering their own backs.

fruity21 Wed 05-Apr-17 17:32:24

Thanks CountessofStrathearn, suppose I was just surprised by the mid-stay phone call - again, think i attach to much weight to use of 'incident'

harderandharder2breathe Wed 05-Apr-17 17:37:22

Yabu

Presumably you'd have been fuming if your child mentioned sharing showers, so the staff/leaders informed you themselves

LastnightaDJ Wed 05-Apr-17 17:40:36

It might be because of the fact that "trans" children are now allowed at Brownie/Guide camp so they are now enforcing single person showering?

eddiemairswife Wed 05-Apr-17 17:55:40

I can remember at that age we often used to go to the lavatory together at school. Weren't supposed to.

Trifleorbust Wed 05-Apr-17 18:20:08

I think they are right to cover their backs on this. Two students getting naked, unsupervised, might be looked at askance by the parents, and if they hadn't mentioned it, it might be that someone would accuse them of inadequate supervision or of covering something up. That you were kept informed does no harm, and disallowing them from doing it protects the school. YABU.

UppityHumpty Wed 05-Apr-17 19:10:57

They're 8, at that age where some start to explore their bodies. They should definitely tell you. Because things can escalate really, really fast & am sure you'd have hated yourself if your dd mentioned out of the blue that so and so (boy, girl, or intersex) touched her down there when they showered.

wettunwindee Thu 06-Apr-17 07:55:13

@LastnightaDJ

It might be because of the fact that "trans" children are now allowed at Brownie/Guide camp so they are now enforcing single person showering?

Yes. Trannies are bad. We get it. hmm

VestalVirgin Thu 06-Apr-17 14:17:01

Weird, how all the people who like to tell us that males in women's spaces are no problem suddenly find that two female eight year olds consenting to shower together is enough of a problem that it needs to be called an "incident".

What if one of the girls was trans, i.e. had a penis? Would it then be totes harmless because all males are totally harmless little angels?

The hypocrisy of it all is so annoying.

They're 8, at that age where some start to explore their bodies. They should definitely tell you. Because things can escalate really, really fast & am sure you'd have hated yourself if your dd mentioned out of the blue that so and so (boy, girl, or intersex) touched her down there when they showered.

So because you cannot keep up the lie that males do not sexually molest girls, now the lie is spun that eight year old girls are as likely to molest as males of any age? So that you need not face the unpleasant reality that males are much, much, much more likely to sexually molest girls?

Get a grip.

I really don't see why eight year old girls should be shamed about perfectly innocent behaviour just so that adults can lie to themselves and don't have to deal with uncomfortable facts.

Your "things escalate really fast" narrative suits the need to minimize male sexual assault by implying that "things escalate" instead of, you know, males deciding to assault.

Furthermore, in this "incident" there was a choice involved. Two girls decided to shower together. Because they trusted each other. But girls and women getting to choose whom to trust is also something that is out of fashion these days.
Because they might choose to not trust males. And then you would, again, have to think about uncomfortable facts.

STFU Thu 06-Apr-17 15:17:49

VestalVirgin

They're two 8 year olds. HTH.

I know that you love little rants about the evils of men and the patriarchy. Do you even read threads before the man-hating diatribe begins?

I'm not the poster uppityhuppity, just someone who wishes that you would read before spouting your same posts over and over again.

I think that you could read this link (it's to MN) and then you could save yourself lots of time in future.

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