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to think I can't 'force' my DS to be friends with someone he doesnt want to be friends with.

(10 Posts)
LivinLaVidaLoki Wed 05-Apr-17 13:01:47

I have a small group of friends (there are 3 of us) who I have met through DS being at school (all DCs are in the same class)

Just before Christmas one of the mums had to work late and was panicking about getting to after school club in time to get her DD. As I was on annual leave I said Id pick her up from school when I got DS and take them out for a bit then she could meet us back at mine and I'd do us a bit of dinner.

Her DD was lovely and well behaved while we were out but became very naughty in the house. It was just constant low level naughtiness.

Anyway, thats the only time she's been to our house we usually go bowling or to the park or something.

Fast forward to now. Whenever I say we are going to go to the park or something DS will ask who is going so I tell him and he gets a bit upset if my friends DD is going, as she bosses him around and he doesnt like it. My friends DD also comes up to me when I am picking up DS and asks if she can have a sleepover at our new house as shes heard our DS talking about sleepovers (we told DS that once his room is finished he can have a friend over to sleep).

But again, DS doesnt want her to come to our house because she bosses him around when he's trying to play and she was very naughty last time.

Now, my friend came over to visit last night while her DD was at rainbows and told me that her DD keeps talking about how her DD would love a sleepover at ours and it would be a great break for her and she knows he has other closer friends but her DD doesnt get invited to much and it would mean so much her as our DS is one of the few children at school thats really nice to her etc etc.

I just felt kind of guilted into saying something like "his room is a long way off being ready and we've a lot coming up so sleepovers arent even on the radar yet" and changed the subject. I feel like I should have been more honest but how????

So then she said its a good job that the three of us are friends because then we can "force" our children to be friends and her DD wont be lonely.

AIBU to think that I cannot force my DS to be friends with her DD because we are friends???

Also, children are fickle, he may not be friends with her now but cold well be his best friend soon, its best just to let these things happen naturally??

Floggingmolly Wed 05-Apr-17 13:04:41

It would be a great break for her - meaning the mum? hmm. Pushy cow, tell her no.

Smeaton Wed 05-Apr-17 13:05:22

How old are the kids?

I wouldn't try to force my DD I to any friendships based solely on the fact they're in the same class at school.

PinkHeart59156816 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:06:08

YANBU some children just don't get on and nobody should try and force them too.

As adults if we don't like someone we wouldn't have them for a sleepover so why should we force our children to have sleep overs with people They don't like. It would hardly be a gun sleepover for your ds being bossed around by the child would it

Mu123 Wed 05-Apr-17 13:46:30

Well then her dd will enjoy the rainbows sleepovers then wont she

2rebecca Wed 05-Apr-17 14:01:56

You don't force children to be friends with people any more than you force adults to be friends. You teach them not to be rude to other kids and not to exclude kids but I only ever had other kids round for sleepovers if my kids wanted it to happen, although we both work and don't want the hassle so it was mainly a birthday thing or when they got older.
If your son isn't keen on socialising with this girl then you shouldn't force him.
If she's a good friend you could mention the low level naughtiness and suggest that maybe your friend discusses this with her daughter to make her realise bad behaviour has consequences and if she wants to be invited to other peoples' houses she has to behave there and not boss people around. If she behaved when out your friend may not be aware of the naughtiness, although her being keen to get a break may be a sign that she's as badly behaved at home and her parents aren't great at boundaries.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 05-Apr-17 14:02:16

Its not about being unreasonable or reasonable. Its impossible to force friendships between children. If children don't like each other, that's it. Zilch you can do. They won't think. 'Well okay we don't like each other, but I suppose we'll just have to grin and bear each other.

oldestmumaintheworld Wed 05-Apr-17 14:10:30

As parents we need to understand that just because we are friends with other adults our children do have the right to choose their own friends. I have been friends with a couple of women for more than twenty years and two of our children can't stand each other and never have. It's just the way it is. Please don't have this child over to your house without her mother again. It isn't fair. He doesn't want to be friends and why should he.

BarbarianMum Wed 05-Apr-17 14:15:43

I wouldnt force friendship on my children but equally it doesnt kill them to be kind to a visiting child once in a blue moon. A sleepover does sound like a step to far but remind your son that no child can boss him without his co-operation. Maybe he needs your support to develop some strategies on assertiveness.

Goingtobeawesome Wed 05-Apr-17 14:40:09

Please give your son a break from this child sad.

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